| Hello there everyone I am going to attempt to tackle the subject of Monogamy… Even if we have managed to shake off the shackles of guilt, shame and conditioning, I believe that we all have different appetites around sexuality and intimacy. I don’t believe most of us are built to only have sex with one person for our adult life. As mentioned in the book ‘Sex at Dawn’ (highly recommended reading), our DNA is almost identical to Bonobo monkeys, who happily live and procreate together in groups not in nuclear families. This raises the question: What is social conditioning and what is our real nature? I think up to the age of twenty one and perhaps into our twenties, it is important to express ourselves intimately with many people – only then can we make better choices around our self-belief, our desires and our responsibilities, because it is the first experience of ourselves outside of the childhood setting. In many indigenous societies, this time of teenage-hood would be a very different time of initiation where we would explore our fear of death and our own unique away of engaging life. We have none of these initiation ceremonies in our modern culture and really have no idea who we are until we end up on a therapists couch or in an AA meeting. Some people really are built to have many partners and some are not – we must be authentic in the face of societal conditioning. The main aim if you are to have children is to be ready to be a mother or father and the surrender that entails. Too many people think if they find the ‘right’ partner, they will be a good parent! Backwards thinking. I feel it takes a whole village to raise a child and it’s that village you need to concentrate building so that you don’t fall into codependency. If you decide monogamy is for you then it should not be held by law in a marriage contract but held by love in a heart space in the sacred bond that can happen when two people are interdependent not codependent. Most indigenous tribes do not necessarily mate for life but have many partners (both men and women) because it’s the children and the village that matter. They feel secure in their support and in themselves so they don’t have to keep someone close in a contract but keep people close in their heart. Lots of love Wendy xxxx |
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