Nested between two giant cedars in the remote old-growth forest where I live much of the year are the rusted remains of boxy car. A tree root has seized one of the rear wheels. A sapling has growth through the glassless windshield. Bright orange fungi have colonized the driver’s seat. Lichen and moss cover nearly every inch of the chipped blue body. It is a living, wildly alive metaphor for the fate of every civilization, for the sinuous tenacity by which nature always prevails.
The story opens with the bucolic scene of a child climbing a tree on a river bend while across the shore sheep are grazing at the foot of rising scaffolding. As you turn the page to find the exact same frame of space but with the house now a village and the child a gaggle of children, you realize this is the river of time.
With each page, the growth of so-called civilization — this enterprise of collective conscience born on the banks of rivers — subsumes the tree, which nonetheless keeps also growing. Horse-carts become trains become cars, medieval fortresses morph into copper-capped industrial towers into neon-lit metropolises, the river quietly meandering through the monstrosity all along.
We come then to see the cruel equivalence — the tree slowly becomes denuded of leaves amid the concrete jungle, boughs down, begins dying.
But when the city goes the way of every civilization, when the ruins of cisterns and spires come to rise from the bog around the bend, a single acorn drops from the dying tree. The river takes it and carries it down to plant a sapling at the next bend, and somehow Borges rushes to mind: “Time is a river which sweeps me along, but I am the river.”
The last page opens into a bucolic landscape once more, the stump of the old tree in the background, the young tree blazing green in a lush meadow with no trace of beast-built monuments to waste and want — a silent, all-telling reminder that a river is not only alive but a life-force greater than that of anything we can make, for it is a fractal of the mystery that made us.
In early 1934, a twenty-four-year-old graduate student at Columbia Teachers College took an internship teaching drama and producing student plays at PS 24 in Harlem. Among her young charges at that “dreadful ancient New York schoolhouse,” as she would later recall, was a ten-year-old boy she was astonished to find reading, like her, Dickens. Their conversations quickly made her realize that “here was an exceptional and brilliant boy.”
Her name was Orilla Miller, though he called her Bill. His name was Jimmy, though to the world he would become James Baldwin.
Bill started giving Jimmy more books. He devoured them. Although he would recall that he loved her “absolutely, with a child’s love,” she discussed them with him like a peer. Suddenly, the bookishness and sensitivity that had rendered him strange to others were not only accepted but encouraged, cherished, held in kinship.
His father — a storefront church preacher who preached that white people were the Devil and who banned all books but the Bible from his house — didn’t like it one bit when Bill walked Jimmy home to ask permission to take him to the theater, which was also banned in the Baldwin household. But, like an ice-capped volcano, David Baldwin gave his consent with seething politeness.
“My first conscious calculation as to how to go about defeating the world’s intentions for me,” Baldwin would later write of his first cultural outing with Bill, “began on that Saturday afternoon.”
The defeat was total and triumphant. Baldwin was still in his twenties when his first novel catapulted him into celebrity. The novels and essays that followed established him as one of the most urgent yet enduring literary voices of his century, reverberating with that rare combination of passion and rigor by which writing survives the fads, formulas, and moral fashions of its time to touch the future, to shape it into being.
James Baldwin with Orilla and her husband Evan, 1976.
In the spring of 1963, at the peak of his fame which was also the peak of his heartbreak, that slow-burning acceptance of the dissolution of a great love, Baldwin traveled to Los Angeles for a series of lectures he had committed to give for CORE — the Congress for Racial Equality. There in the crowded hall was Bill, with her husband Evan.
They hadn’t seen each other in seventeen years.
Shyly, she made her way to him through the sea of people after the talk just as his press team was shepherding him onward to another appearance. “But she’s my teacher,” he protested, “don’t you understand? She’s my teacher!” They didn’t, whisking him away before Bill reached him.
Across the infinite abyss of that short distance, she found herself, like everyone, impressed by his intellect and eloquence, but moved by something else — the simple recognition that her dear “sweet boy” had become “a sweet man.”
A few days later, in a lovely mirror-image to the tender letter of gratitude Albert Camus wrote to his childhood teacher shortly after becoming the second-youngest laureate of the Nobel Prize, she sent him a letter quoted in Nicholas Boggs’s altogether magnificent biography Baldwin: A Love Story (public library):
May 15, 1963
James,
I want to tell you that the promise of the wonderful child has been fulfilled in the man. I am not referring alone to the development of your writing ability, the incisive use of your intelligence in social commentary. I am referring to the moral you — in the broad sense of one’s individual relationship to man around him. That Evan and I had a small part in your life adds to the value of ours. I also say, thank you, that there is this James Baldwin in America in the year 1963
Two days later, LIFE Magazine published Baldwin’s most personal and passionate interview. In it, he insisted that the emotional and spiritual role of the artist is “is to make you realize the doom and glory of knowing who you are and what you are.” This, too, is the role of every great teacher. And of every true friend.
Jeff Taisch, a DJ who performs at Burning Man, seen at his home studio in The City on Tuesday: “The costs have increased, and that’s real. But there’s still something there for people whose inner child is not yet dead.”Craig Lee/The Examiner
San Francisco native Jeff Taisch said he’s been a burner since 1996, when a buddy of his from high school told him about some rave in the desert.
Taisch said they piled into his friend’s mom’s Volvo and made the trek out to Black Rock Desert in Nevada with no clue what to expect.
“There was like zero infrastructure,” he said of the event’s seventh year in the desert. “I don’t know if we had tickets. I don’t know if they required tickets.”
Between getting caught in a sandstorm, cramming into a single tent with 15 people, and meeting a naked guy carrying around a baby Redwood tree who would become a lifelong friend, Taisch would be forever changed by the experience.
He would go on to perform DJ sets for thousands of people, with his vinyl records melting in the heat; host a flash-mob pizza party with the musician Diplo; and eat sushi flown in by helicopter that day, among other things.
In the past 30 years, he said, he’s only missed Burning Man a few times, for various reasons. This year, he’s missing out again due to “parental duties.”
But as the notorious desert party turns 40, he reflected on how much things have changed about it over the decades, how much has stayed the same, and how it might change in the future.
“Not only do you have influencers and content producers out there, but you have their support crews running around with reflectors and various extra elements to make their productions,” he said. “That exists. The costs have increased, and that’s real. But there’s still something there for people whose inner child is not yet dead.”
Burning Man was created 40 years ago in San Francisco when a group gathered on Baker Beach, and founders Larry Harvey and Jerry James built and burned a giant wooden sculpture of a man.
The event (attendees dislike the term festival) has taken place in the Black Rock Desert since 1990, expanding into a temporary city covering nearly six square miles. It’s known for art installations, music and all things creative — all while fostering human connection.
Taisch said that despite the location, it’s still a San Francisco event through and through. That much is noticeable every year as The City empties out during the week it takes place.
“The burners have left the building,” he said.
This year’s theme is “Axis Mundi,” referring to a center point of existence or “a celestial column connecting us to powers greater than ourselves,” according to an informational flyer created by organizers. Other topics highlighted this year include sustainability, global impact and looking ahead to the next generation.
“The connection, creativity, and leadership opportunities that Burning Man offers are a timely remedy for next-generation leaders,” the statement said.
When asked about the milestone, organizers told The Examiner on Friday in a statement that the ethos of Burning Man is very much intact, and that as “a creative culture at its core, Burning Man has always changed and evolved.”
“Every generation of participants brings new ideas, new challenges, and new ways of expressing creativity, community, and ways to participate,” they said. “In Black Rock City alone, about a third of participants every year are new.”
While the chaotic weeklong event has seen accidents and worse over the decades, Burning Man still claims the devotion of longtime attendees and inspires fascination in newcomers every year. This year, as the event officially becomes middle-aged, more than 75,000 people are expected to descend upon the desert.
Joana Ayala said she’s one of the thousands going, and this year is her first time.
“It’s just been a matter of time,” she said.
Ayala said she’s been living in intentional communities, groups who choose to live together, for the past eight years, so she has long felt that her lifestyle is “Burning Man-adjacent.” But despite having received invitations to go in the past, it hadn’t been the right time — until now.
She said that after speaking with other friends who’ve attended, she found that’s a common sentiment.
“They say when it’s your time to go, you’ll know,” she said.
Ayala said that while she’s excited about the music and the art, she’s most looking forward to experiencing the type of human connection that Burning Man fosters among attendees. She said she’s joining a camping group with a work connection, but otherwise doesn’t know most of the people she’ll be living with.
“I’m curious to see how people really take in the values and principles of Burning Man and embody them,” she said. “I’m really excited to be with other humans in this other culture that’s co-created.”
Ayala said she works in business operations at an arts nonprofit and an investing firm focused on creativity. But her third gig is as a “sound practitioner,” which includes leading workshops on sound improvisation and meditation. She said she plans on leading at least one such workshop while out on the playa, as the desert — which is actually a dry prehistoric lake bed — is known.
“I love sharing my love of sound and voice with people,” she said.
She said she’s a little nervous about experiencing her first sandstorm, but otherwise is optimistic about the week.
“I’m going with the intent to connect with humans and see what comes from there,” Ayala said.
Oleg Lobykin had a bit more work to do before setting out for the desert this week. The sculptor said he’s been a burner for the past 17 years, unveiling a new piece for the event each year.
He was mum about what this year’s piece will look like, but did share that it was eight feet wide and eight feet tall, and he’d be calling it “Diamond Heart.”
“It’s going to be a brilliant work,” he said.
Burning Man artist and sculptor Oleg Lobykin, seen beside his sculpture, “Unsafe to Swim” near Ocean Beach: “Burning Man actually is pretty much about interactive art. When I make new work, I want to go and share it with people over there.”Craig Lee/The Examiner
Lobykin has made other works in the Bay Area, including a shark-fin sculpture beside Ocean Beach, on the former Great Highway, but has a special love of the pieces that he creates for Burning Man.
He declined to share much about his past “babies” that he’s brought to the event, but he said it’s where he gets a lot of his inspiration.
“Burning Man actually is pretty much about interactive art,” he said. “When I make new work, I want to go and share it with people over there.”
Lobykin said that in his first year at the event, he was “blown away” by the sheer creativity of everyone in attendance — what people wore, what they drove, the physical art.
Some of his favorite pieces over the years made by other people include a 20-foot-high sculpture made out of toys painted gold, spelling out the word “ego,” that was later set on fire.
Another was a “clumsy” three-foot-high sculpture of the phrase “you might die tomorrow” that kept coming back to him over the course of the week that year.
Lobykin said that while there’s some truth to some of the criticism leveled against Burning Man in recent years, with the influx of influencers and others who might not be as committed to the message of the event, burners still welcome everyone who wants to attend.
“There’s even a category — they’re called observers,” he said. “But many of those observers come back, and later they actually transform into participants.”
Every year, he said, he has friends who gripe about all the trouble it takes to go and resolutely say they won’t be coming back. But every year, they’re drawn in again.
“You’re stuck in line for six or nine hours, and it’s hot, and everybody’s tired, everybody wants to go home,” Lobykin said, of the snarling traffic jam that develops annually during the mass exodus from the playa at the end of the event. “And I’m saying, ‘Oh, no more next year. I’m not coming. I need to skip.’”
“Then I have a project, and that’s it,” he said. “I have a project. I must go to Burning Man. That’s how it is this year for me.”
No matter how much time has passed, or how much the event has changed, it’s always going to be meaningful to him and the other burners, Lobykin said.
“I’ll still be home after all these years,” he said.
When India’s chief justice compared unemployed young people to “cockroaches,” he did not expect them to embrace the name. The satirical Cockroach Janta Party has quickly evolved from an online joke into a massive youth uprising, forcing the first cabinet resignation of Narendra Modi’s twelve years in power. But with government promises still unmet and the unrest spreading, the movement is set to return to the streets on September 5.
The following Journal of Democracy essays examine India’s democratic decline under the BJP — and what the students’ revolt reveals about the spaces still open for citizens to fight back. Free to read for a limited time.
Inside Modi’s Assault on Academic Freedom Narendra Modi and his ruling BJP have developed the textbook attack on India’s universities and centers of free thought. It offers a vital warning for other countries where higher education is in danger. Nandini Sundar
Why India’s Democracy Is Dying Under Narendra Modi, India is maintaining the trappings of democracy while it increasingly harasses the opposition, attacks minorities, and stifles dissent. It can still reverse course, but the damage is mounting. Maya Tudor
How to Stop India’s Authoritarian Slide The BJP is ruling with a heavier hand than ever before, attacking opponents and silencing critics. Ironically, these may be the ideal conditions for a democratic revival—if the opposition seizes the moment. Rahul Mukherji
How India’s Ruling Party Erodes Democracy The BJP has won two successive national elections, but it refuses to respect the rights of Muslims. Is democracy on a collision course with liberalism? Ashutosh Varshney
The Rise of India’s Second Republic While he did not achieve the sweeping victory many predicted, Narendra Modi led his ruling coalition to a third consecutive victory. In so doing, he is laying the foundation for a new political order in which India is simultaneously more democratic and more illiberal. Milan Vaishnav
The Journal of Democracy is published quarterly in January, April, July, and October. Subscribe now for full access to our archives.
As a marriage and family counselor for more than fifty years, I have a long-time interest in improving the love lives of men and women. I am also a leader in the emerging field of gender-specific health care and specialize in working with men and their families. I first learned about the work of Dr. Leonard Sax in 2005 when I read his book Why Gender Matters: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know About the Emerging Science of Sex Differences.
Dr. Sax also wrote the book Boys Adrift in 2007 with a revised edition in 2016. I was excited when I was sent a copy of his 2026 edition. What he shares in the book can not only help us understand the growing epidemic of unmotivated boys and underachieving young men, but the ways unhealed males impact the lives of girls and young women. More importantly, he offers practical tools for reversing this dangerous trend and helps men and women to become true and equal partners in marriage and in life.
I recently interviewed Dr. Sax who has an unusual background and skill set. He is a board-certified family physician with many years’ experience helping children and adults. He is also a PhD psychologist who has helped youth and adults with mental, emotional, and relational health problems. He has also visited more than 500 schools over the past 25 years listening and talking with students and teachers.
He shares two stories in his book that, for me, capture the essence of problem we are facing today:
“One teacher at a high school I recently visited asked the girls in his class, ‘What words come to mind when you hear the word ‘male’? He wrote the words on the whiteboard as the girls called them out.
The first word a girl called out can’t be printed here, but it begins with the letter ‘A’ and ends with ‘hole’
‘Immature,’
‘Mean’
‘Self-centered’
‘Disrespectful’
‘Unhygienic’
‘Not emotionally connected.’”
The second story involved a young woman Dr. Sax had seen as a physician from the time she was a child and was now a 20-year-old mother of two little toddlers of her own. When he encountered her on the street one day he said,
“I bumped into Brett the other day, and he was just going on and on about how great you are, and how funny you are, and how pretty you are. He told me he’s asked you to marry him. Twice… Lynda, how come you don’t want to marry the father of your two children?”
Her answer was short and succinct and spoke to an issue I have heard many times from other women.
“Dr. Sax, I already got two babies at home. I don’t need a third,” she answered.
In the work I have been doing in recent years as a marriage and family counselor I hear from many single or divorced women who say,
“I want real lasting love with a good man, but there aren’t any out there. I’m ready to give up.”
I tell the women that there are many good men out there, but they can be difficult to find. Men are equally discouraged,
“I’m busting my butt trying to be a good man, but women are impossible to please and they piss me off.”
I tell the guy I understand their frustration and encourage them to improve their lives and become the kind of man who the woman they want won’t be able to resist.
For anyone who has visited my website, MenAlive, they see my welcome video, “Confessions of a Twice-Divorced Marriage Counselor.” Finding a partner and having a passionate, long-lasting marriage isn’t easy, even for experts. People also hear that my present wife, Carlin, and I have been married for forty-six years, and our relationship gets better through the years.
When I thought I had written my last book (number sixteen), Carlin challenged me to write at least one more.
“With all the conflict these days between women and men, you need to write a book that tells guys what you’ve learned about how to become a man of value.”
The result is my book, 12 Rules for Good Men which follows my previous book, The Enlightened Marriage: The 5 Transformative Stages of Relationships and Why the Best is Still to Come.
Dr. Sax and I are kindred spirits. In his new edition of Boys Adrift he says,
“Across the board, women are looking to marry men who are at least as accomplished and ambitious as they are, and there are no longer enough good men to go around.”
Dr. Sax goes on to offer some disturbing statistics:
Nearly 1 in 5 young men 25 to 34 years of age is now still living at home with a parent, compared to fewer than 1 in 8 women.
1 in 3 American men with only a high school degree is not working and not looking for work; that’s 10 million American men who are not even in the labor force.
It isn’t just that modern mores have changed and young people are “coupling” without formalizing it with a marriage ceremony. The trend is the same for those married as well as those living together and it is not limited to the U.S.
“Looking around the world,” says Dr. Sax, “we see a marked decline in both coupling and in the total fertility rate from the 1990s through the 2020s, in countries as diverse as Finland, Mexico, Peru, South Korea, Thailand, Tunisia, and Turkey.”
Dr. Sax says,
“Healthy marriages are fundamental to a healthy society.”
He goes on to offer the reasons that so many young women now find the prospect of partnering with a young man unappealing.
“As a family doctor, I heard from a young woman who said, ‘I don’t mind so much that he earns less money than I do. But he’s just a bum. He expects me to make all the meals, clean up after him. He’s not a child. I’m not his mother.”
The Six Factors That Parents, Boys, and Young Men Need to Know to Fulfill Their Potential
In previous editions of the book, Dr. Sax described the following five factors which I will detail briefly before addressing the most recent factor that is both surprising and frightening.
Changes in the education system with schools becoming more unfriendly to boys.
The ubiquity of video games.
Over-medicating boys for ADHD.
Endocrine disruptors in the water affecting males.
The loss of male role models to teach boys what it means to be a good man.
The new factor: Pornography, AI Girlfriends, and the Manosphere
Pornography is nothing new, but what boys and men can view freely now is more addicting and violent than anything we’ve previously seen. Dr. Sax says,
“I’m talking about digital, streaming, online pornography, pornography generated by artificial intelligence, of the kind that didn’t really exist before 2010 or in some cases 2020.”
Dr. Sax goes on to say,
“Researchers recently found that 45% of the most popular videos on Pornhub include at least one act of physical aggression against women. Spanking, gagging, slapping, hair pulling, and choking were the most popular.”
AI girlfriends create such realistic “sex partners” that boys and men can become hooked and find they can no longer get turned on by real encounters with real women.
The Manosphere is driven by equally compelling “influencers” that draw young men in and sell them false hope for fame and fortune that supposedly will make them irresistible to women.
Is it any wonder that many boys and young are drifting further away and girls and women are checking out of the dating and mating game? Dr. Sax says,
“A 16-year-old girl told me how her 17-year-old boyfriend asked for anal sex. She said no. He said that all the girls in the porn videos love anal sex. She said, ‘You idiot, those are actresses. They are being paid. They are pretending. How about we shove something hard up your behind and see how much you like it?’ The relationship ended soon after.”
Fortunately, healing is not only possible, but things are changing for the better. We all have a part to play. We invite you to join us.
Learn More Here
To learn more about Dr. Leonard Sax, his books, and his work, visit him at:
If you would like to read more articles like these, I invite you to subscribe to my free weekly newsletter at MenAlive.com: https://menalive.com/email-newsletter/
Best Wishes,
Jed Diamond
Founder and VHS (Visionary Healer Scholar) of MenAlive
He got thrown out of nearly every group he built, but he still has a lot to teach us about the power of queerness.
Oriol Poveda July 22, 2026 (lgbtqnation.com)
A detail image from the cover of The Trouble with Harry Hay: Founder of the Modern Gay Movement by Stuart Timmons | Alyson Pubns publishing
Harry Hay was one of the founders of American gay activism, got thrown out of nearly every group he built, and never once stopped making trouble. Now, 250 years into the American experiment, the pioneer of gay liberation remains its most necessary irritant. LGBTQ Nation spoke to his caregiver and close friend, Chas Nol, and read Stuart Timmons’ 1990 biography, The Trouble with Harry Hay: Founder of the Modern Gay Movement, to learn more.
In the spring of 1983, in a boulder-strewn stretch of desert east of San Diego, a 25-year-old named Chas Nol arrived at a gathering of about 120 gay men camping in tents. He recognized one of them immediately: a tall, white-haired man he knew from Word Is Out, the documentary that had been circulating for years. Nol was a little starstruck. Harry Hay was not the type to let that linger.
“He introduced himself, and I said that I recognized him from the film, and he immediately began to lecture me, in a very loving way, about queer identity, culture, history,” Nol remembers. What struck him wasn’t the lecturing. It was the lack of distance. “He was completely approachable. He didn’t create these artificial boundaries and expectations about older gay men. He made it very easy to talk to him and become very close friends.”
That was Hay at age 70: still teaching, still recruiting, still convinced the work was unfinished. He had been doing it, by then, for half a century and getting expelled from the organizations he helped create for most of that time.
A sissy patrician
Henry “Harry” Hay Jr. was born on April 7, 1912, in the English seaside resort of Worthing, into wealth and privilege. His father was a mining engineer who’d made a fortune in South African gold and Chilean copper. The family eventually settled in Los Angeles, where young Harry grew up imperious, bookish, and certain he was different.
For a boy of his class and time, there was no map for his budding feelings and desires. As a teenager working summer jobs, he met an older merchant sailor, his first lover, who told him something that would shape the rest of his life: that men like them were everywhere, a secret, scattered brotherhood. The idea left a deep mark. Decades later, Hay built an entire political philosophy on it.
The double closet
In the 1930s, Hay threw himself into Los Angeles’ radical Left: anti-fascist rallies, trade-union organizing, the Popular Front coalitions that swept idealists into the Communist Party. It was the great cause of his generation, and Hay was an evangelist, but it came with a brutal catch. The Party forbade homosexuality outright, treating gay members as security risks ripe for blackmail.
So Hay lived in a double closet: hiding his politics from a country where being a Communist could cost you your career and reputation, and hiding his sexuality from the comrades he’d given his life to. In 1938, hoping to “close one book and open another,” as a psychiatrist had promised him he could, he married a fellow Party member, Anita Platky. The marriage lasted 13 years, and Hay never stopped feeling like a stranger inside it. When it finally collapsed, Anita delivered a line that cut to the bone: “You didn’t marry me, you married the Communist Party.”
The marriage was not the only book Hay closed. By 1951, set on organizing gay men openly, he knew he could no longer stay in a Party that treated homosexuals as automatic security risks. He drafted his own case, over a decade as a devoted Marxist weighed against the liability he now posed, and recommended his own expulsion. The Party obliged, but discharged him honorably, saluting him as “a lifelong friend of the people.” Marriage gone, comrades gone, Hay was at last free of both his closets.
Mattachine: the first sustained gay movement in America
By 1950, Hay’s life had already taken a new turn. He had met the young Austrian fashion designer Rudi Gernreich and fallen hard for him. They formed what Hay called a “society of two,” and out of it grew the most consequential gay organization the country had yet seen.
The Mattachine Society, founded in Los Angeles in late 1950, was the first sustained homosexual-rights group in American history. Hay named it after the masked court jesters of medieval France, figures who, costumed and anonymous, could speak truths to power. The structure was borrowed from Freemasonry and Communist cells alike: secret guilds, drawn blinds, telephones smothered under pillows in dresser drawers. None of that was paranoia. In 1950, sodomy was a felony in every state, and the same Cold War machinery driving the Red Scare was fueling its quieter twin, the Lavender Scare — the federal purge of thousands of gay employees from their jobs. Hay sat squarely at the intersection of both panics, twice damned.
The Mattachine Steps in Silver Lake, Los Angeles. The sign reads, “Harry Hay founded the Mattachine Society on this hillside on November 11, 1950.” | Glenn Francis, www.PacificProDigital.com via CC BY-SA 4.0
His radical contribution was conceptual. Drawing on the Marxist theory of minorities, and explicitly citing Black Americans, Jews, and Mexicans as “fellow minorities,” Hay argued that homosexuals were not sick individuals but an oppressed cultural minority, a people with a shared identity and a claim to rights. It was a staggering reframe for its moment, borrowing the logic of the civil-rights struggle a decade before Stonewall.
But the seed of the movement’s enduring split was already there. As Mattachine exploded in popularity after a landmark 1952 entrapment case, a wave of new members recoiled from its radical founders. They wanted respectability, endorsements from straight doctors and clergy, a “white-glove” image that would foster assimilation into the mainstream. Hay, by contrast, wanted gay people to define themselves on their own terms. In 1953, with McCarthyism at its peak, the conservative faction forced the radical founders out. Hay watched the organization he’d birthed turn against him.
In 1955, the House Un-American Activities Committee subpoenaed him. Abandoned by his comrades in the Communist Party and by the gay movement he had founded, Hay testified anyway, dodging the contempt charge with a torrent of theatrical chatter. He survived, but the wreckage of those years sent him underground for more than a decade.
John, and the leap to liberation
What pulled him back was love and the dawn of a new era. In the early 1960s, Hay met John Burnside, an inventor of kaleidoscopic optical devices, who became his partner for the next 40 years. Friends saw them as a study in opposites, and Nol describes them almost as yin and yang.
“Harry saw the Nazis, the Joe McCarthys, the Ronald Reagans, the people who dominate our culture today,” he says. “John saw only the good, or preferred to. He was able to find joy in everything.”
When the counterculture detonated in the late 1960s, Hay was ready. He co-founded the Southern California Gay Liberation Front in 1969 and served as its first elected chair, picketing a West Hollywood diner over its misspelled “Fagots Stay Out” sign.
He was characteristically unimpressed by Stonewall. “The East Coast was finally catching up,” he sniffed years later, given all the open organizing L.A. had already done. But his verdict on the riots became one of the most quoted: they had changed the gay pronoun “from ‘I’ to ‘We.’”
The Pueblo years and a saved river
Harry Hay in April 1996 at the Anza-Borrego Desert during a Radical Faeries campout | Public Domain
In 1970, Hay and Burnside left the city for San Juan Pueblo in northern New Mexico, where they lived for most of the decade. Hay studied Indigenous traditions of gender-variant roles, ran a kaleidoscope workshop meant to bring jobs to the Pueblo, and immersed himself in the community as a friend and ally rather than a tourist.
That distinction matters, because Hay is sometimes accused today of cultural appropriation. One of the central practices he introduced, the “heart circle” with its talking stick passed hand to hand, is read by critics as improperly taken from Native American council traditions. Nol finds the charge weak. Hay spoke of his years among the Pueblo “with utmost respect,” he says, “but also as you would talk about your family members. It wasn’t an anthropologist invading their turf—he was part of it.”
His largest act of organizing there had nothing to do with gay rights at all: Hay became one of the main strategists in a grassroots campaign that stopped the federal government from damming a stretch of the Rio Grande, helping save the farms in one of America’s poorest valleys.
Radical Faeries and the war on the clones
A Faerie gathering in 1986, with Hay in bottom left corner | Alan Light via CC BY 2.0
By the late 1970s, Hay had a new target: the gay mainstream itself. The liberated urban “clone” — mustached, muscled, mirror-shaded, a consumer in a leather uniform — struck him as a betrayal, hetero-imitation dressed up as hyper-masculinity. In 1979, he and a small circle issued “A Call to Gay Brothers,” and over Labor Day weekend, roughly 200 men converged on a desert ashram in Arizona for the first gathering of the Radical Faeries.
It was part politics, part spirituality, part summer camp: mud rituals, workshops, Faerie circles, men weeping as they shed what Hay called the “ugly green frogskin of hetero-imitation.” He believed gay people carried a distinct consciousness, a “subject-SUBJECT” way of relating, of meeting one another as equals rather than objects, and that this was a gift the world urgently needed. The movement he sparked has outlived him, with Faerie sanctuaries and gatherings now spread across three continents.
The Faeries’ birth was not without friction for Hay, whose vision clashed with two of his fellow founders, Mitch Walker and Don Kilhefner. The rift ran deep enough that the founding circle fractured, and for a time, rival factions held separate gatherings. It is probably fair to say that the same character that kept Hay at the center of controversy also gave him the thick skin to survive it. He could be, in Nol’s frank words, “imperious, difficult, dictatorial, stubborn, occasionally mean,” the anti-patriarchal patriarch, forever insisting he merely “walked with others” even as he dominated the room.
The softness underneath surfaced rarely. Nol saw it once, during one of Hay’s later Sex Magick workshops, when the old man finally let down his armor and “sobbed with joy” contemplating his life’s work, the creation of a spiritual gay community, come to fruition.
The NAMBLA controversy
No account of Hay can skip his most difficult episode. At the 1986 Los Angeles Pride parade, after organizers barred the North American Man/Boy Love Association (a pedophile-advocacy group), Hay marched in a homemade sandwich board. One side read “Valerie Terrigno Walks With Me,” for a West Hollywood lesbian politician also forced from the parade after an embezzlement conviction; the other read “NAMBLA Walks With Me.” Police nearly arrested him, until a fellow Faerie tore the sign off his neck. He kept protesting the group’s exclusion for years, boycotting the 1994 Stonewall anniversary march over it.
It remains the hardest thing to reconcile about him, and it shouldn’t be smoothed over. But Nol, who was at that 1986 march, insists the meaning has been distorted. “He completely understood the arguments about NAMBLA and rejected them outright,” Nol says. “He was never endorsing it. He was pointing out that the Pride Committee was pre-censoring.” For Hay, he says, the issue was the principle of who gets silenced. “To equate his sandwich-board protest with him secretly being a pedophile is wrongheaded and a stretch. It was a political statement, not a personal endorsement.”
Critics at the time and since have found that distinction tenuous, and the debate over free speech and its limits is one Hay forced the community to have rather than one he settled. It was, for better and worse, classic Harry: grabbing the issue no one else would touch and daring everyone to look.
He brought the same contrarianism to same-sex marriage, which he initially opposed as “hetero-imitative.” To Hay, it reduced a partner to property and threatened to trade away queer distinctiveness for a seat at the straight table. Later, Nol says, he grudgingly came to see it as “an inevitable incremental step.”
The last circle
Harry Hay speaking at Occidental College, California | Slobodandimitrov via CC BY-SA 4.0
In 1999, too frail to care for themselves, Hay and Burnside were moved to San Francisco, where a circle of younger gay men formed to look after them, bathing them, driving them, or simply sitting with them. It was the literal fulfillment of the “Circle of Loving Companions” Hay had theorized for decades. Even dying, Nol recalls, Harry was thinking about his legacy, gripping each caregiver by the hand and charging them, individually, never as a group, to carry the work forward. “You personally are responsible for carrying this forward!” he’d say.
Harry Hay died on October 24, 2002, at 90. His care circle washed his body, dressed him in silk and velvet and a tiara, and laid him out under rose petals “like the Duchess that he was,” one of his Loving Companions wrote. Burnside died six years later, tended by the same hands.
250 years into the American experiment, Hay belongs in its pantheon of troublemakers, alongside the abolitionists, the suffragists, and the union organizers who insisted the country live up to its own ideals. He gave gay Americans the idea that they were a people, not a pathology. He was also stubborn, domineering, and no stranger to controversy. He had a reputation for kissing younger men unsolicited, Nol among them, a habit his circle largely waved off as an old man reaching for affection, though others took it as a real violation, and one that lands differently in the age of #MeToo. All of it is true at once, and flattening any of it would betray his memory.
Looking at Hay’s legacy from the vantage of today, at least two of his preoccupations remain strikingly alive. One is the tension between those in the LGBTQ+ movement who seek assimilation and respectability, a seat inside the powerful institutions of state and society, and those who carry a more revolutionary spirit, intent on building a new culture free of the inherited baggage of patriarchy and heteronormativity.
The other is a quieter but no less stubborn argument: whether there is, as Hay insisted, a distinct gay identity that transcends time and culture (what some call “gay essentialism”), or whether everything we call gay is socially constructed, bound to shift or even dissolve in a more pansexual, gender-fluid future. Hay staked out his ground on both questions, and on both, the community is still divided. The next 250 years of the American experiment may settle them; Harry Hay would have relished the fight.
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We meet on those Sundays when there is no scheduled Prosperos Sunday Meeting. All are invited and we can talk about whatever we like, but let’s make sure that everybody participates (who wants to participate) and let’s try get to the fundamental truth underneath and behind every topic we discuss.
This month, there are scheduled Sunday Meetings on September 13 (with Pam Rodolph), September 20 (with Heather Williams) and September 29 (with Thane via tape recording).
That leaves Sunday, September 6. Here is the link to that Google Meet event at 11 a.m. Pacific time:
New Thinking Allowed with Jeffrey Mishlove and Closer To Truth Aug 30, 2026 New Thinking Allowed Audio Podcast Robert Lawrence Kuhn received his academic training in brain research. He is best known for creating and hosting the PBS television series Closer to Truth. His books include, Closer to Truth: Challenging Current Belief, How China’s Leaders Think, The Mystery of Existence: Why Is There Anything At All? (with John Leslie), and Closer to Truth: Science, Meaning, and the Future. Kuhn is also the creator of the Landscape of Consciousness framework, an ambitious effort to organize and classify over 400 competing theories of consciousness. His website is https://closertotruth.com/about-close… Robert discusses his lifelong quest to understand why anything exists at all and the nature of consciousness, culminating in his ambitious Landscape of Consciousness framework that organizes and classifies over 400 competing theories. He traces his path from early interest in parapsychology and brain research to creating a taxonomy spanning materialism, quantum approaches, panpsychism, dualism, idealism, and more, while examining implications for free will, life after death, AI consciousness, and virtual immortality. Kuhn emphasizes that no theory is final and that anomalous experiences, phenomenology, and challenges to human understanding further constrain any coherent account of mind. 00:00:00 Introduction 00:08:30 Early interest in parapsychology and brain research 00:16:45 Why is there anything at all 00:24:00 Creating the landscape of consciousness 00:32:15 Expanding the collection of theories 00:40:30 Organizing categories from materialism to idealism 00:49:00 Anomalous events, challenges, and phenomenology 00:58:15 Implications for free will and life after death 01:08:00 Personal view of consciousness 01:16:00 Conclusion New Thinking Allowed host, Jeffrey Mishlove, PhD, is author of The Roots of Consciousness, Psi Development Systems, and The PK Man. Between 1986 and 2002 he hosted and co-produced the original Thinking Allowed public television series. He is the recipient of the only doctoral diploma in “parapsychology” ever awarded by an accredited university (University of California, Berkeley, 1980). He is also the Grand Prize winner of the 2021 Bigelow Institute essay competition regarding the best evidence for survival of human consciousness after permanent bodily death. He is Co-Director of Parapsychology Education at the California Institute for Human Science. (Recorded on Saturday, July 18, 2026)
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