racheldoesstuff
Published on Oct 19, 2018
GET THE SONG: https://lnk.to/ceg4

“The Cringe”
Starring Patton Oswalt, Vella Lovell, Donna Lynne Champlin, Gabrielle Ruiz, & Rachel Bloom.
Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, & Adam Schlesinger

Security Guard:
SOME PEOPLE ARE SCARED OF GOBLINS AND GHOSTS
THEY SHRIEK AT A RAVEN PERCHED ON A POST
“OH NO!” THEY CRY, “IT’S A SPOOKY BLACK CAT!”
BUT THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS
FAR MORE FRIGHTENING THAN THAT

LIKE WHEN I ASKED A WOMAN I HADN’T SEEN IN A WHILE
HOW LONG SHE’D BEEN PREGNANT, AND THERE WENT HER SMILE
TURNS OUT SHE’D JUST GAINED WEIGHT; “I’M SO SORRY,” I SAID
AND WHEN THAT MEMORY FILLS ME WITH HORROR AND DREAD

I DO THE CRINGE!
I DO THE CRINGE!

Heather, Paula, & Valencia:
MORE THAN A TWINGE

Security Guard:
THE THOUGHT LEAVES ME AGHAST
BECAUSE NOTHING IS AS SCARY
AS WHAT LURKS IN YOUR PAST

Valencia:
BANSHEES AND GHOULS CAN GIVE A GOOD FRIGHT

Paula:
BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT

Heather:
I THINK ABOUT THAT TIME IN BED WITH MY EX
WHEN I CHUCKLED AT HIS PENIS DURING SEX

Security Guard, Paula, Valencia, & Rebecca:
SHE DOES THE CRINGE!

Heather:
IT WAS A FULL-BLOWN LAUGH

Security Guard, Paula, Valencia, & Rebecca:
SHE DOES THE CRINGE!

Heather:
IT LOOKED LIKE A CUTE LITTLE PUPPET

Security Guard, Paula, Valencia, & Rebecca:
SHE DOES THE CRINGE!

Heather:
HE WENT SOFT AND CRIED

Mr. Trapani:
AND THAT WAS THE NIGHT THEIR RELATIONSHIP DIED!

Gary:
I TOLD A DATE I LOST MY WALLET SO SHE WOULD PAY

Susan:
I HOOKED UP WITH THE BASSIST OF SUGAR RAY

Christopher:
I GOT AN ANGEL TATTOO ON MY UPPER THIGH

Tara:
I GAVE MY MOTHER’S EULOGY COMPLETELY HIGH

Devon:
SEE, EVERYONE HAS SINS THEY WANT TO WASH AWAY

Benjamin:
I CAME UP WITH THE TOWN MOTTO: “LIVE. WORK. PLAY.”

All:
WE DO THE CRINGE!

Benjamin:
IT WAS NOT MY BEST WORK

All:
WE DO THE CRINGE!

Benjamin:
IN FAIRNESS, I WAS ALSO HIGH

All:
WE DO THE CRINGE!

Security Guard:
REGRET CAN BE A BLAST
WHEN NOTHING IS AS FUNKY
AS WHAT LURKS IN YOUR PAST

CRINGE DANCE!

All:
STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID
AAAAHH!

Rebecca:
WE ALL HAVE SKELETONS

Security Guard:
REAL AND METAPHORICALLY

Christopher:
WAIT — AREN’T YOU THE GUY WHO MURDERED ME?

Rebecca:
What?

Security Guard:
NOTHING THE CRINGE!

All:
CRINGE!