Piper For Missouri’s Post on Facebook.com
Category Archives: Humor
AI: Myth Vs. Fact
Published: July 17, 2026 (TheOnion.com)
A recent poll found that Americans who are concerned about artificial intelligence outnumber those who are excited about it by a margin of three to one. The Onion examines the common myths and facts surrounding AI.
MYTH: AI can never be ethical.
FACT: Grok says it can.
MYTH: AI could discover cures for all diseases.
FACT: AI is going to keep a few of the nastier ones around in case humans get out of line.
MYTH: AI can predict the future.
FACT: That power was only available to Miss Cleo.
MYTH: I’m going to lose my job to AI.
FACT: We’re still a few years away from AI models that can sell molly to high schoolers.
MYTH: AI is trained on illegally scraped data.
FACT: No data is illegal on stolen land.
Last-Ever Global Warming Report Released For Posterity
The Onion Jul 14, 2026 The World Meteorological Association gathered one final time today to once again warn humanity about ever-increasing global temperatures before finally hanging it up for good. Become an Onion member while it’s still optional: https://membership.theonion.com/?camp…
Convincing proof that Mitch lives!
National Opera Lays Off 200 Phantoms
Published: July 9, 2026 (TheOnion.com)
WASHINGTON—Aiming to cut costs after a poor fiscal quarter, Washington National Opera general director Timothy O’Leary announced plans Monday to lay off 200 phantoms effective immediately. “In these difficult times, we can no longer afford to keep all the ghastly, mysterious men who haunt our catacombs on this organization’s payroll,” said O’Leary, who expressed regret that the personnel reduction was happening at a time when job openings for egomaniacal opera ghouls were at a historic low. “As much as we appreciate the contributions of these disfigured geniuses, the strain placed upon our balance sheet by rising insurance premiums for phantoms who scramble around on catwalks, as well as the cost of their masks and the candelabras needed to decorate vast and ornate subterranean lairs has left us with no other choice. And while no one doubts the passion of these phantoms, their increased acts of violence and terrorism on our productions have also created a toxic work environment.” O’Leary added that with fewer phantoms on staff, his organization hoped to finally prevent a chandelier from crashing to the ground during every performance.
His Holiness Has Repeatedly Stated This Is Not A Cult
Published: October 2, 2019 (TheOnion.com)
DEATH VALLEY, CA—Commanding that the heinous term shall not be uttered in the halls of their sacred temple, the cloistered enclave of truest of the true believers declared Wednesday that Father-Brother, His Holiness, Master of All The Spheres and Stars, has repeatedly stated that this is not a cult. “For the ninth and final time, this is not a cult but a programmatic intramental polysymbolic thought-system for enhancing mental paravirility and omnispiritual psychowellness as clearly stated in Protocol 117,” said Elder Healer Sister-Brother Camilla 82 Eridani, adding that this is the exact sort of transgram-sodden thought violation from which all must refrain, as that is the type of word used by those that seek to sow division amongst us. “Ask anyone in any of these tents of purest crystal-gossamer and they’ll tell you the same truths. His Holiness, Bruce Sagittarius-A—praise be to him—has repeatedly told us this, yet your ears are nailed shut to the truthings of our stellar Father-Brother. Why is this? Why?” True believers have further decreed that offending parties shall be brought before the Angular Councillors of Purest Gold, who will hear about the evil incongruence and render swift correction.
EXPOSING CIA SECRETS: Jeffrey Epstein, JFK, and September 9/11
InfoWars and The Onion Jul 8, 2026 Jim Haggerty returns with guest and ex-CIA analyst Neil Riker to expose the truth behind all the lies being told to you by the mainstream media, the government, and even your very own family. Join us. Become an Onion member while it’s still optional. https://membership.theonion.com/?camp…
America: Birth Of A Nation
The Onion Premiered 19 hours ago As the United States celebrates 250 years of American exceptionalism, The Onion looks back on the pivotal moments and enlightened fathers who gave birth to the greatest nation on Earth. Become an Onion member while it’s still optional: https://membership.theonion.com/?camp…
Report: That’s Enough Soccer For Now
Published: June 30, 2026 (TheOnion.com)
WASHINGTON—Saying the nation had enjoyed a perfectly adequate amount of dribbling, passing, and loud chanting, a new report published Tuesday confirmed that was enough soccer for now. “Welp, that was fun, but we’ve got our fill,” the report read in part, adding that after a couple weeks of watching men from places like Italy, Bulgaria, or wherever kick the ball back and forth, Americans were ready to thank everyone involved and move on to something else. “It was fun and all, and we’ll be sure to tune in again in four years. But for now, that’s plenty of soccer—no need to overdo it. Everyone can gather their scarves and drums and face paint, make their way to airports, and go back to their homes. We’ll just say that Europe won. That work for everyone?” The report concluded that a future global soccer tournament wasn’t out of the question as long as it could be wrapped up in a day or two.