Category Archives: Humor

Adult filmmakers seek San Francisco Mayor Daniel Lurie lookalike for gay porn

By Zara Irshad, Staff Writer May 27, 2026 (SFChronicle.com)

Gift Article

A new adult film production is looking for a Mayor Daniel Lurie impersonator, according to posters spotted around San Francisco. Jana Ašenbrennerová/For the S.F. Chronicle

Daniel Lurie may be known for his lighthearted Instagram reels, but a new casting call seeks to place the San Francisco mayor’s likeness in a not-so-family-friendly scenario.

“Daniel Lurie impersonator Needed For: Gay Adult Film,” read posters spotted in the Castro and Haight-Ashbury neighborhoods last week. 

The X-rated project is being put together by a group of self-proclaimed San Francisco natives. Its title, “Let’s Blow San Francisco,” riffs off Lurie’s popular “Let’s go San Francisco” rallying cry. 

The adult film, which is still searching for funding, would “star a fictionalized version of Mayor Daniel Lurie interacting with his fellow San Franciscans,” one of the individuals behind the project, who goes by the name Scooter, told the Chronicle via email. “From regular community members, to police officers, and beyond.” 

In addition to being 18 years or older and striking a physical resemblance to the mayor, applicants must also be able to copy Lurie’s voice and mannerisms. Those interested can email the filmmakers a two-minute-long clip of their best Lurie impersonation.

The Chronicle has reached out to Lurie’s office for comment. 

An X-rated Lurie impersonator may seem an unconventional ask, but for someone with the mayor’s public popularity, it was just a matter of time. The Chronicle’s most recent poll shows that Lurie is extremely popular for a big city mayor, with 74% of respondents approving of his performance in office so far.

Scooter said that they have received some inquiries for the role, but are still on the hunt for their Lurie lookalike.

“We’ve had some suspicions that people may be reluctant to want to think or admit that they look like Daniel Lurie,” Scooter wrote. “However, we think that this is a great quality.”

Scooter’s team initially planned to pool their own money together to fund the production of the film, but the buzz around the posters has prompted them to now explore the possibility of using product placement to finance the project. 

Indeed, the social media response to the casting has been enthusiastic, with many cracking jokes about the casting and some declaring: “San Francisco is back.”

May 27, 2026

Zara Irshad

Staff Writer

Zara Irshad is the Chronicle’s Arts & Entertainment Engagement Reporter. She joined the Chronicle as a summer 2023 intern for the Datebook team. She is a recent graduate of UC San Diego, where she studied communications. She previously interned for the San Diego Union-Tribune and wrote for her campus newspaper, the Guardian, where she served as editor-in-chief. Irshad was part of the honors program for her major and double-minored in world literature and film studies.

Listerine Leaves 0.1% Of Germs Alive To Spread Message Of Terror Throughout Microbial Community

Published: May 28, 2026 (TheOnion.com)

SUMMIT, NJ—In a surprise attack of astonishing brutality, oral cavity sources confirmed Thursday that the Listerine inside a local mouth was leaving 0.1% of germs alive in order to spread a message of terror throughout the microbial community. “The mouthwash killed my entire colony and then told me to bear witness to the horrors I saw today,” said a rod-shaped Porphyromonas gingivalis,adding that its cell wall was nearly dissolved when suddenly the 20 milliliters of antiseptic liquid retreated, leaving the bacterium with severe but nonfatal injuries. “The Listerine viciously wiped out our entire community. There was nothing left but a wasteland covered in piles of dead cell membranes. It laughed and told us that even God fears the minty power of Listerine.” Sources later refused to verify rumors that shell-shocked survivors had taken refuge inside a decayed tooth.

What To Know About Pope Leo’s Encyclical On AI

Published: May 28, 2026 (TheOnion.com)

Pope Leo XIV published his first encyclical Monday, warning about the dangers of artificial intelligence. Here’s what you need to know about the document.

Q: What is an encyclical?

A: It’s like a company-wide email, except this one is skeptical of AI.

Q: What is the encyclical titled?

A: Magnifica_Humanitas_final.docx

Q: Were any AI companies or products mentioned by name?

A: Pope Leo specifically called out the Domino’s customer support bot.

Q: Why did the pope write about AI?

A: The Vatican’s SEO rankings have been plummeting for months.

Q: What impact will this have on the public perception of AI?

A: ChatGPT usage is already down 24% among little old Italian women.

Q: How can I read the encyclical?

A: By opening it in a browser tab you might get to in a couple of weeks.

Q: What is his most controversial point?

A: That human life is beautiful and worth saving.

Woman Worried She In Codependent Relationship With Rest Of Humanity 

Published: May 27, 2026 (TheOnion.com)

BOONE, NC—Noting that the troubling signs of a toxic dynamic had become too numerous to ignore, area woman Kara Vasques expressed concern Wednesday that she was in a codependent relationship with the rest of humanity. “Sometimes things will be great with me and the human race, but then I start to worry that I don’t really have an identity outside of how everyone on earth views me,” said Vasques, confirming that her taste in areas such as entertainment, sports, politics, food, and religion had been heavily influenced by the views of human civilization. “I can get really anxious and upset if I don’t accomplish my goals, but then I realize that I’m only doing a lot of this stuff for the benefit of society. I’m basically obsessed, and yet a lot of times I feel like the global population barely knows that I exist.” Vasques added that she might need to cut herself off from the rest of humanity for a while before eventually giving things a shot again with a different species.