Panicked WHO Officials Not Sure How To Respond After Coronavirus Brings 12 People Back To Life

(From L) World Health Organization (WHO) Health Emergencies Programme head Michael Ryan, WHO Director-General Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus and WHO Chair of Emergency Committee on Ebola Robert Steffen attend a combined news conference following as two-day international conference on COVID-19 coronavirus vaccine research and a meeting to decide whether Ebola in DR Congo still constitutes health emergency of international concern on January 12, 2020 in Geneva. – The UN health agency on February 12 said it was “way too early” to say whether COVID-19 might have peaked or when it might end. It also said that it was extending for another three months its global emergency designation for the Ebola outbreak in DR Congo. (Photo by Fabrice COFFRINI / AFP) (Photo by FABRICE COFFRINI/AFP via Getty Images)

March 3, 2020 (theonion.com)

GENEVA—Acknowledging they were taken aback by the latest development in the global epidemic, panicked World Health Organization officials were reportedly unsure how to respond Tuesday after the coronavirus brought 12 people back to life. “Uh, okay, so COVID-19 remains a very grave health concern, but we have to admit that the disease returning a dozen people from the dead is a definite upside,” said WHO director-general Tedros Adhanom, urging citizens to practice good hygiene in an effort to stop the transmission of the pathogen unless they have recently deceased loved ones, in which case it might make sense to encourage the spread. “If you have recently traveled to an infected area, we urge you to stay quarantined within morgues and graveyards in the hopes that your disease will bring some people back. As a reminder, the elderly and infirm are particularly at risk of coronavirus, so please exercise caution, unless you’re already suffering from a terminal disease in which case, I guess, do your best to contract the virus, maybe? I don’t know, this one’s a real head scratcher.” Adhanom added that a potential response had been further complicated by reports that the 12 afflicted individuals had gained super strength and were capable of running hundreds of miles without getting tired. 

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