Exhuming dormant potentials

Rev. Sheri Heller, LCSW, RSW

Published in Invisible Illness

2 days ago (Medium.com)

“A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write if he is to be ultimately happy. What a man can be, he must be. This need we may call self-actualization.” ~ A. Maslow

Repetitive traumatic experiences such as physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect, abandonment, witnessing violence, and other forms of chronic stress or adversity results in a mental disorder referred to as complex trauma. Those who have endured cumulative and prolonged exposure to such adverse experiences, for an extended period such as childhood, find themselves beset by developmental disasters. On account of this, personal growth is derailed in a variety of ways.

As a survivor and seasoned psychotherapist, I know all too well how traumatic abuse presents a significant barrier to actualizing one’s natural capabilities. The term self-actualization, popularized by the psychologist Abraham Maslow in his hierarchy of needs theory, refers to the realization and fulfillment of one’s talents and potentials. It is the process of becoming the best most authentic version of oneself and achieving personal growth and fulfillment through creative expression, problem-solving abilities, and a sense of morality and purpose.

The realm of relationships is crucial to either stimulating or impeding actualization. After all, it is irrefutable that we require secure connections to others. Since we are social creatures, being surrounded by significant life affirming relationships is crucial for self development. This being the case, it’s understandable how having one’s attachment template shaped by chronic neglect and abuse sets in motion a trajectory of distrust, rejection and low self-esteem, which derails the course of self-actualization.

Indeed, being displaced, ostracized, unwanted, or abandoned by one’s familial tribe ensures that difficulties in forming healthy, trusting relationships later in life occur. In fact, if severe chronic abuse and neglect infiltrated the parent-child relationship, traumatic enactments will seep into adult bonding in a subconscious effort to master core attachment injuries.

As developmental psychologist Erik Erikson’s theory of life span development conveys, when children’s needs aren’t met their worldview is marred by anxiety and fear and they fail to attain psychosocial milestones such as hope, trust, autonomy, initiative, competence and a secure sense of identity that generates intimacy. Rather, internalized blame, shame, or guilt promulgate negative self-beliefs and a poor self-image. These negative self-perceptions undermine self-esteem and self-confidence and create a barrier to personal growth by limiting one’s belief in their abilities and potentials.

Ultimately, the absence of primary secure attachments makes it difficult to develop a sense of self-worth and the skills integral to connecting with others in a meaningful way.

Likewise, a by-product of Complex PTSD, rejection trauma (aka rejection sensitive dysphoria), is a pervasive source of torment in which non-acceptance and exile morph into profound despair and depression. Evidenced in children with insecure, ambivalent and anxious attachment, rejection sensitive dysphoria can permeate adult relatedness, further mitigating the potential for receptivity and collaboration.

All things considered, children who are bereft of love and belonging and disallowed from asserting their preferences and desires, become adults who struggle with self-doubt and feelings of inferiority. They recoil from initiating purposeful actions and decisions and are often mired in guilt for even having such predilections. These conditions interfere with actualizing purpose and self awareness as one’s motivation is focused on survival.

Additionally, the schema of trauma affects cognitive functioning, leading to difficulties in concentration, memory, and problem-solving. These cognitive impairments can hinder personal growth by making it challenging to acquire new skills or engage in intellectual pursuits.

Furthermore, being constantly on alert for potential threats makes it difficult to relax, focus, and engage in personal growth activities, as the mind is preoccupied with perceived dangers. To manage the hyper-vigilance, chronic anxiety, alienation and vast array of debilitating symptoms brought on by traumatic experiences, maladaptive coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse, self-harm, dissociation, or avoidance are relied upon.

While these coping strategies provide temporary relief they can hinder personal growth by preventing individuals from confronting and processing their trauma in a healthy, insightful way. This avoidance of traumatic memories impedes personal growth because it prevents individuals from processing and integrating their past trauma into their life narratives, which is a crucial step in healing.

Like other survivors of complex trauma much of my energy was syphoned into merely surviving. Having experienced how the repercussions of complex trauma led to my succumbing to a communication deficit known as selective mutism, I am humbled to have actualized the capacity to effectively express myself creatively and intellectually. Reclaiming this intrinsic skillset and cognitive process entailed a lengthy process of healing the damaging injuries which obstructed the development of speech and language.

When trauma occurs early in life the brain’s cortical volume and functions becomes impaired, which directly affects language and executive functions. Thankfully the plasticity of the brain reveals to us that all is not lost, as the brain is not static. Even though the system’s default wiring is set to freeze, the brain’s capacity to alter neural pathways offers the potential for healing and growth. The rewiring and strengthening of neural connections that meliorate the impact of chronic trauma is attained through a multiplicity of recovery modalities.

Of course, the amount of time and effort needed to recalibrate the brain and modify trauma-induced patterns is extensive.

Returning to my personal saga, I am reminded that although the arts sustained me, as my father was a painter and a writer and like him, I longed to bring those deepest parts of myself to light, I was well ensconced in my familial conditioning to keep myself small. Besides, when one is not heard or understood communication simply becomes futile. Consequently, voicelessness and reverie were adaptive responses to living out a childhood in a household in which violence and other forms of insanity were a daily occurrence.

Likewise, the inner critical voice of shame incessantly reminded me of the oppressive stultifying messages I internalized. It told me I didn’t have the right to be who I am, and accordingly, I don’t have the right to express myself creatively, intellectually or relationally.

Nevertheless, in spite of the aforementioned limitations my urge towards self-preservation compelled me to take numerous life affirming risks. In my case, this involved world travel, studying martial arts and yoga, partaking in spiritual exploration, engaging in academic pursuits and opening myself up to creative expression through writing and acting.

Despite the fact that exhuming aptitude and gifts is a huge undertaking for those afflicted with complex trauma, I am continuously inspired by how this courageous proclivity is regularly initiated by the folks who seek me out for trauma informed treatment.

Undeniably, the combination of trauma, helpless impotence and developmental disasters are deleterious to a child’s brain development and cognitive abilities. Adapting to these conditions necessitates shutting down, resulting in a disconnection of mind and body. This physiological state establishes and reinforces what is referred to as the Dorsal Vagal freeze response. Being stuck in this state of frozen numbness is akin to feeling chronically hopeless and inclined to cut others off and just give up.

It goes without saying that removing these barriers, getting grounded in one’s body and allowing for personal growth to take place is a formidable, time-consuming task. It requires the willingness and the mettle to stay the course with recovery and aim towards thriving, a stage in which pushing boundaries and expanding capabilities means stepping out of one’s comfort zone to take calculated risks. These risks can be intellectual, emotional, creative, relational, spiritual or even physical.

Self-actualization and risk-taking are linked through the pursuit of personal growth and fulfillment. Yet it’s important to consider that not all risk-taking behavior leads to self-actualization, and not all self-actualized individuals are necessarily risk-takers. The relationship between these concepts can vary from person to person, and the nature and extent of risk-taking can differ widely based on individual preferences and circumstances.

Additionally, effective risk-taking often involves careful consideration and planning rather than reckless actions. Determining what ambitious goals or unconventional paths can stimulate self actualization is an individual journey. Nonetheless, for complex trauma survivors, this undertaking necessitates challenging personal limiting beliefs about what is possible.

The trauma survivor must expand the survivor identity and mindset to give life to a perspective, a philosophy that counters internalized cynicism, so as to reconstruct a reality that makes room for the existence of faith and hope. This reframing involves accepting that the path to self-fulfillment is rife with ‘failure’ and one must conceptualize failure not just as a setback, but as an opportunity for learning and growth.

Similarly, exploration and discovery require the trauma survivor to loosen their grip on the tenacious need for safety and security and even allow for a terrifying level of uncertainty. Accessing and purposely sharing one’s gifts with others is a brave endeavor requiring resilience, thinking outside the box and autonomy for everyone. However, for the trauma survivor emerging from one’s bubble to willingly risk incurring more betrayal, humiliation, envy, or sabotage than one has already endured, demands even greater resolve.

Irrespective of the hand one is dealt, psychiatrist and founder of analytical psychology Carl Jung contended that the desire to become fully alive, to aspire towards wholeness or self-realization is a universal instinctual need. We all desire to break free from self-imposed constraints and open up to potentials, talents and aspects of oneself. What’s more, life itself is a proving ground in which we are all called upon to heroically navigate challenges and adversities.

For individuals who have survived a history of chronic trauma, integrating a life-affirming vision that defines a higher purpose will naturally include the vast terrain of healing and survival.

Novelist Herman Hesse wrote in Peter Camenzind, “I began to understand that suffering and disappointments and melancholy are there not to vex us or cheapen us or deprive us of our dignity but to mature and transfigure us.”

Indeed once matured and transfigured, those whose afflictions set in motion the pursuit of comprehensive healing are destined to glean a sense of pride and purpose from their complex and often grueling metaphysical odyssey of recovery. For such individuals integrating a life-affirming vision that defines a higher purpose will include the vast terrain of all they shouldered and survived. Hence, in subtle or obvious ways it is certain that the survivor turned thriver intent on self actualization becomes an instrument of tenets that began with brokenness and gave rise to reclamation.

Written by Rev. Sheri Heller, LCSW, RSW

·Writer for Invisible Illness

Therapist, Coach & Author. Complex Trauma & Addiction. Dual citizen. Survivor, World traveler, love art and nature. I appreciate the absurd. Sheritherapist.com