.

www.wisegeek.com A syndrome which was first described by G.G. De Clerambault in 1885 is reviewed and a case is presented. Popularly called erotomania, the syndrome is characterized by the delusional idea, usually in a young woman, that a man whom she considers to be of higher social and/or professional standing is in love with her

October 1, 2019 (theonion.com)

LAS VEGAS—Championing his new policy proposal as a way to reduce the gap between the working class and the 1%, Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders unveiled a comprehensive plan Tuesday to tackle income inequality with an art heist from a billionaire’s home. “We should not be living in a country where all the wealth is concentrated in a few very rich people, which is why my new plan to remove artworks from an ultrawealthy estate in the dead of night and sell them through third parties will redistribute hundreds of millions of dollars’ worth of Pollocks, de Koonings, and Rothkos to the hardworking American people,” said Sanders of the detailed 85-page plan outlining his system to lift expensive paintings, sculptures, jewels, and other artworks from billionaires’ private collections in their homes in the Hamptons, Upper East Side, and Palo Alto. “Million-dollar impressionist paintings and modernist sculptures should be a public good, not kept locked up in some CEO’s mansion. Using a progressive seizure rate that takes the most art from the wealthiest individuals, my plan will go a long way toward shrinking the gap between the haves and have-nots in this country. It describes in great detail how I will put the suction cups on my hands and climb to the window, then use one of those circular cutters to remove a pane of glass from the ceiling in order to place my grappling hook to rappel down. My plan also calls for building a diverse working-class coalition of Americans to put on cable-repairman clothes, gain entry to the house, disable the alarm system to access complicated private safes in under 30 seconds, and then wait outside in a requisitioned UPS delivery truck for a quick escape. Under my proposal, we’ll be able to offload the stolen Monets, Picassos, and Warhols to pay for free college for all Americans.” At press time, the media was criticizing Sanders’ proposal by questioning how the candidate intended to pay for all the black ski masks, razor blades for cutting paintings out of their frames, and getaway vans described in his plan.

Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

While it’s true that a lot of music contains sexual innuendo, you’re pretty much alone in thinking that Beethoven’s Fifth has an undeniable copulatory rhythm.

Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

You’ve always believed that you’ve left your lovers happy, satisfied, and thinking fondly of you, but their plaintive oinking and squealing would seem to suggest otherwise.

Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

You awoke this morning a young man without a care in the world, but due to cosmic events beyond your control, you’ll end the day as the oldest woman ever inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame.

Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

Sometimes you just have to sit back and laugh at the hilarity of it all, but sometimes it’s better to actually help people out of the burning building.

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Although you are firmly convinced that there are some things mankind was just not meant to know, you’re not exactly sure how you’re supposed to be able to tell what they are.

Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

Juggling three young children isn’t easy for any mother, but then, that’s why you start with tennis balls and bowling pins first.

Aries | March 21 to April 19

Turns out it’s not your relationship with your father that’s been eating you up inside, but rather a three-foot-long parasite lodged directly below your kidney.

Taurus | April 20 to May 20

Due to the high incidence of hijinx, tomfoolery, and puns, you’ll finally decide to stop answering doors during knock-knock jokes.

Gemini | May 21 to June 20

The stars, in their infinite wisdom, indicate that the cute blonde you’ve been pointing them out to couldn’t be more bored if she tried.

Cancer | June 21 to July 22

You’ll continue to grow as a human being this week, much to the relief of all those geneticists.

Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

Home is where the heart is. Specifically, beneath the floorboards of the common room.

Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

Every day on Earth is like a beautiful gift from God, which is thoughtful and all, but you’d probably prefer something you can actually use.

The decent docent doesn’t doze:
He teaches standing on his toes.
His student dassn’t doze – and does,
And that’s what teaching is and was.

  — David McCord

David Thompson Watson McCord (December 15, 1897 – April 13, 1997) was an American poet and college fundraiser. Wikipedia

(Contributed by Janet Cornwell, H.W., m.)

Truth never damages a cause that is just.

-Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (2 Oct 1869-1948)

https://www.gaia.com/share/ck19c1ln300380ip98uscc1n8?fbclid=IwAR1qa2LvVv9N__2hVLa6zuvxB99qszZB0QUeR_bbc_CkOmMGnnn6mhLKfTg

The Onion Shoppers at a Hannaford supermarket could only speculate that a woman angrily asking for a price check on a four-ounce snack cup was once a free-spirited and easy-going youth. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA