Max Planck was a theoretical physicist whose discovery of energy quanta won him the Nobel Prize in Physics.

Rolling Stone Writer Johann Hari joins the show from London to discuss dealing with anxiety and depression during Covid-19 **Merch Link**: https://teespring.com/stores/useful-i… Get the full story at: http://www.rollingstone.com/ Subscribe to Rolling Stone on YouTube: http://bit.ly/1uGwgGg

Apr 5, 2020 Covid. Why does something seem off? If you dont want to know, than you dont want to know.

(Contributed by Bob of Occupy)

Astrobutterfly.com

April 2020 is by no means less intense than March. The Jupiter-Pluto conjunction is the highlight of the month – especially since Pluto is also stationing retrograde this month. 

April will bring an energetic shift. If in March, the Capricorn stellium felt confining, heavy and restrictive, in April, the energy becomes more rebellious.

Uranus, the planet of freedom, makes a record number of aspects in April, including a conjunction with the New Moon.

One thing for sure – in April we want more freedom, but it’s up to Saturn (which is currently applying a square to Uranus) whether we get it or not.

Let’s have a look at the most important aspects of the month. 

April 3rd, 2020 – Venus Enters Gemini

On April 3rd, 2020 Venus enters Gemini and it is here for a loooong stay, until August 8th!

Venus usually spends one month in a sign, but because of the upcoming retrograde in May, Venus will spend 3 months in Gemini.

If you have planets or angles in Gemini, this transit speaks to you directly, so you want to pay special attention to it. 

April 4th, 2020 – Mercury Conjunct Neptune

On April 4th, 2020 Mercury is conjunct Neptune at 19° Pisces. Mercury conjunct Neptune can be either really really confusing, or really really enlightening.

You may discover that something you believed to be true is not that “true” anymore – OR you will finally be able to put the pieces of the puzzle together and make sense of something that you couldn’t have figured out otherwise. 

April 4th, 2020 – Jupiter Conjunct Pluto

On April 4th, 2020 we have one of the most important astrological events of the year: Jupiter conjunct Pluto.

If you read my previous posts, you know I associate the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction with the current pandemic. Of course, Jupiter-Pluto is the trigger of an already “heavy” astrological lineup, the most notable configurations being the Saturn-Pluto conjunction, and the outer-planet stellium in Capricorn. 

This is just the first conjunction in a series of three. We will only be “done” with this transit by November.

We are already witnessing some of the more “positive” manifestations of the transit, such as the economic stimulus packages that various governments have announced.

But we will reap the true benefits of this transit most likely at the time of the final conjunction, in November. 

April 7/8th, 2020 – Full Moon in Libra

On April 7th, 2020 we have a Full Moon at 18° Libra. The Full Moon is square Jupiter and Pluto in Capricorn, and also features an explosive square between Mars in Aquarius and Uranus in Taurus.

This is a tense, confrontational Full Moon that will bring issues to the surface, not for the sake of conflict (the Full Moon is in Libra), but to find solutions and to fix what needs fixing. 

April 11th, 2020 – Mercury enters Aries

On April 11th, 2020 Mercury enters Aries. This is the first real good news of the month. Mercury has spent an unusually long time in Pisces, due to the retrograde, creating lots of confusion and anxiety.

Mercury in Aries will bring much-needed clarity and intellectual firepower. The focus is now on finding solutions, not fault. 

April 14/15th, 2020 – Sun Square Pluto And Jupiter

On April 14th, Sun squares Pluto and one day later, Sun squares Jupiter.

This transit will further trigger the already intense Jupiter-Pluto conjunction. Time to ask yourself: “What does all this mean for me?”.

There is a lesson for everyone, and this is a good time to make adjustments and refinements to your plan of action. It may sound like a platitude, but in every crisis, there is an opportunity. Time to find out what that is. 

April 19th, 2020 – Sun Enters Taurus

On April 19th, 2020 the Sun enters Taurus. Except for the 1st week, when Sun squares Mars and Saturn, and conjuncts Uranus, the rest of the transit is smooth sailing.

The grounding nature of Taurus may be exactly what we need during these turbulent times. 

April 22nd, 2020 – New Moon In Taurus

On April 22nd, 2020 we have a New Moon at 3° Taurus. The New Moon is tightly conjunct Uranus at 6° Taurus and, you guessed, is square Jupiter and Pluto in Capricorn.

There seem to be Jupiter and Pluto squares everywhere. One thing is for sure, we cannot “escape” the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction. We HAVE to deal with it. 

On April 25th, 2020 – Pluto Goes Retrograde

On April 25th, 2020 Pluto goes retrograde. This is bad news and good news.

The bad news is that a Pluto station is when Pluto is the most powerful. And Pluto is really powerful.

The good news is that a change in direction means that Pluto is now ready to find a solution to the mess he has created. 

April 25/26th, 2020 – Mercury Square Pluto And Jupiter

On April 25th-26th, Mercury squares Pluto and Jupiter at 24-25° Capricorn.

Have you had “enough” of Jupiter and Pluto squares? Mercury doesn’t think so. There is more to be processed, there is more to be understood, and you’re now ready to take it all in. 

April 26th, 2020 – Sun Conjunct Uranus

On April 26th, 2020, the Sun will conjunct Uranus at 6° Taurus. This aspect screams “freedom”. It can manifest in very literal ways – for example as a refusal of quarantine or any type of confinement OR in a more figurative way.

Uranus is the planet of enlightenment. You may find a sense of freedom that goes beyond the material limitations of Saturn.  

A Pandemic, the World in Lockdown, and You and Me

umair haque · Apr 5 · Medium.com

It was almost 8PM. The bittersweet of long, sunlit spring day — spent in lockdown. I couldn’t take it anymore, being cooped up, so I headed downstairs for a quick coffee and cigarette. “What I’d give,” I thought to myself, “to be able to spend a long spring afternoon doing nothing and sipping coffee outside my favorite cafe.” But such a day was nowhere to be found — so I’d have to settle for a streetside ciggie, underneath the great old trees stretching out across the avenue where I live.

The air was sweet. Night had just fallen. Everything was peaceful since lockdown. No more pedestrians, in the famous little neighborhood I live, where millions of feet from around the world — tourists, musicians, artists, poets — pound the streets. The quiet was unsettling — but as restful as hearing the ocean.

And then the street erupted in cheers. People began clapping, from their apartments. They leaned out of their windows, and whooped and applauded. I was confused for a moment — and then I remembered: they were celebrating doctors and nurses. Thanking them, for their service, in this time of crisis.

A fellow spied me from his window, and shouted, a grin on his face: “Oi! Why aren’t you cheering?!” “My wife’s a doctor!” I shouted back. He let out a whoop, and clapped harder.

A little moment of beauty. Can you imagine people clapping for doctors…humble nurses…any kind of public servant…anyone at all, except maybe a Kardashian…or the latest Marvel superhero…maybe a few months ago? And yet here they were, the eminently average people of my little avenue, applauding furiously. I felt a kind of happiness surge through me. Was this what it felt like to live in a decent society?

As I headed back inside, I remembered what my wife, the doctor, had said. When all this clapping had begun. She’d rolled her eyes, and told me: “I don’t want their claps and cheers during a pandemic. I want them to stop voting like dummies for sociopaths who don’t want them to have a functioning society or healthcare to begin with.” Fair point, I thought. (Let them get wifed on for a change, I also thought, sorry not sorry.) So I transcribed it and tweeted it, and it went super viral.

There was a hard and uncomfortable nugget of truth in what she’d said. She’d reminded me, and us, that while there’s great and improbable beauty in this of pandemic, so too, there’s ugliness. The pandemic is like a scalpel, cutting away the superfluous, and revealing to us the truth of ourselves. Do we like what we see?

The beauty’s easy to see. The ugliness is harder.

The beauty. Doctors and nurses who go on bravely treating the patients they’re suddenly overwhelmed with. Fashioning home-made masks from pizza boxes, perhaps — because our governments are too incompetent, too malicious, too vicious, to care much. But our healthcare workers still do: still care. They serve, at great risk to their lives. That risk isn’t a joke. They are beginning to die. I read the sad story of three residents dying. Residents: doctors beginning their professional lives. Snuffed out. Who’s to blame?

Let me ask that question another way.

Why isn’t our applause for our healthcare workers also coupled with a kind of fury at the incompetence and stupidity and malice of our governments? Is it enough to make martyrs of doctors and nurses? Don’t we fail, too, at the task of building a decent society, when we settle for that?

Beauty and ugliness, walking hand in hand, like lovers, like enemies, like friends. Was it ever any different? We make martyrs of our doctors, while applauding them. We go on voting against healthcare, while we cheer them. We make fools of ourselves, even while trying to give what thanks we can.

The pandemic is a scalpel that cuts away all the lies we tell about ourselves, to each other. There’s nothing left but the truth.

There’s another way that I’ve seen all that, too, lately. I’m going to put it a little brutally.

When a global pandemic broke out, the rich world was more concerned with what it was going to wipe it’s rear end with…than making sure the poor world survived it. That it had medicine, healthcare, food, and sanitation.

Think about it for a second with me.

What was the very first thing that happened when the pandemic hit? Something funny, strange, bizarre, surreal. The Great Toilet Paper Panic of 2020. Now, as anyone who’s ever gone camping can tell you: you don’t need a piece of shrink-wrapped tissue paper to clean your rear. In fact, most of humanity, I’d wager, simply washes to do its business. Do you think the ancients had toilet paper? Here’s a tiny factoid for you, toilet paper was invented in 1857. Take Japan — the toilet will happily robo-wash your rear for you, and in much of Europe, bidets are still a thing, and you’ll thank the Sweet Lord, if you’ve ever used one.

The Great Toilet Paper Panic of 2020. What does it really mean? Generously, we could say something like: people attached a kind oft oddly high symbolic value to their toilet paper. Like it was the pinnacle and linchpin of civilization. Like if it went — my God! What would be left? You might also say people suddenly had a kind of manic obsessive-compulsive craving for cleanliness.

But don’t you think there’s something wrong with the rich world caring more about toilet paper…what it was going to wipe it’s rear end with…during a global pandemic than…eliminating the global lack of healthcare…which caused the pandemic? I do. I think the fact that rich world erupted into a Toilet Paper Panic, instead of saying to itself, suddenly, ‘My God! If we don’t give those poor people healthcare and sanitation and food, it’s going to breed disease, and more and more pandemics will result! Let’s get on with it then, and fix the world a little!” — that reveals a kind of genuine human ugliness.

I think it reveals a profound and terrible kind of ugliness. If we, in the rich world, can’t learn from a global pandemic…what can we learn from? If the only lesson that we have been taught is about our own rear ends — not just metaphorically, but literally…have we learned anything at all?

We say, these days, fashionably, “we’re all in it together!” But do these words really mean much — or are they empty, “virtue signalling”, as a good alt-rightist might say? I don’t like that term much, but I have to confess that I think it applies here. The good Western liberal says “We’re all in it together!!”, while caring more about toilet paper than global poverty, healthcare, medicine, sanitation. Can anyone take such a fool seriously? I can’t. I can only surmise and conclude that such a thing is being said to prove a tribal boundary. It’s just a way to say: “I belong.” It’s doesn’t reflect any true understanding of “we’re in it together”, at an economic, social, or political level whatsoever.

If we really understood this catchphrase, “we’re all in it together”, we’d immediately begin to support healthcare, medicine, income, food, sanitation, savings, housing, for every single life on planet earth. Why? Because, of course, pandemics are one result of a lack of such things. That is why SARS and MERS and COVID-19 all began in the poor world. But they spread to the rich world precisely because there isn’t a wall high enough or boundary strong enough to keep us apart anymore.

We are one people. We share one planet. We live one life. One heart beats in us. One soul pulses through us. One river of love pours through us. When we fail to realize that, then we create a world which, in its arrogance, brutality, cruelty, stupidity, only falls apart. And we ourselves plunge through the fissures. We are being taught this ancient and beautiful lesson — taught to us by Jesus, Buddha, MLK, Rumi — again. The universe is trying to tell us this, with all its might. But are we learning it?

Beauty and ugliness, walking hand in hand. Like lovers, like enemies, like friends. They whisper to us. About the human condition. What it means to be a tiny, tiny thing, walking upon a mote of dust, lit by a ball of fire, spinning through the endless universe. Beauty is the recognition of me in you, and you in me. Ugliness is the alienation of you from me, and the excision of me from you. It is the death of the universal heart which beats in us all.

This great and timeless truth is eternal. And yet we have to learn it, over and over again. Each of us. In our own time. This is the cycle, the rhythm, the pulse of the ages. Ages in which we learn it faster are called golden ones, and ages in which we fail to learn it all are called dark ones. That, my friends, is who we are. We are pilgrims on the same road. Towards this knowledge, this experience, which is called grace, which is called enlightenment. Which is just called being a decent human being.

What have we learned from this pandemic? What should we have learned? We are walking beside each other, from the desert to the shore. That is all we have ever been doing. And unless we let the stars guide us, we will walk in circles, never finding our way home.

Umair Haque
April 2020

Apr 3, 2020 This was a special one for me. I’ve had the intention to get up early enough to see the Mars-Saturn-Jupiter alignment for a more extended period of time. This was April Fool’s day which is a special day for professional tarot readers like myself. The Fool leaps into life and I leapt into action. I have also had the intention to go to a different spot to see the alignment from a new perspective. There is a park that is at the frontier edge of my neighborhood that I have only explored recently because it is like 15 blocks from my home, and when I walk that far, it is usually in the direction of the ocean. My favorite spiritual practice for the last 3 years has been to go on long walks (I’ve walked 13 marathons) to get into intuitive flow states, and while in flow I love to take photographs and videos. In the last year I’ve been more intentional about integrating my love of the sky and tarot into my walks and photography. I do the whole practice intuitively, and with intentionality. I set the intention to go for a walk when the weather inspires me to, and I try to be prepared to leap into action when the surfing is good. Right now the waves are really intense, but I like to watch them from a safe distance. I wait for the strong pull of the sky, and then I get my butt out the door. On this day I saw that the weather was going to be good and I set my alarm for 5:20 am. I was awake at 4:20 am, however, and I decided it was a good day to go on an adventure. It was exciting to get out into the world so early, and I did not see a single human before the dawn. I had a lot of time with the alignment, and there was a sense of deepened intimacy with these great lords and ladies of the sky. After 5 previous mornings with this incredibly rare alignment, it was like they revealed themselves more deeply to me, and their messages were clearer. With an exact Mars-Saturn conjunction square to Uranus, it’s not surprising that the messages that came into my mind very strongly reflected that energy, and there were reflections on competitive dynamics, defense of one’s home turf, incursions into enemy territory, and the impulse to break out of the box. There is also a Mercury-Neptune conjunction happening that is now very precise and I’m calling it the Portal of Psychic Downloads. It’s gift can be increased divinatory experience and greater clarity in the conversation with higher self/ higher source. There was a very strong clarity to my stream of consciousness and the pleasurable reverie state that came within the larger container of this special vision quest. As the Sun rose I drew tarot cards and noticed many powerful synchronicities to my own personal process. One in particular was at the end of the session I was leaving the park and looked up at where I had been and saw a scene that was really striking. You may have noticed that I have a new banner for this channel that I put up a few weeks ago, of a person swinging underneath a tree looking at the night sky with a fence defining their territory. I looked up and saw the tree and the frayed ropes for a swing that seemed to have been ripped away, and there was a fence and a person looking out over it with their little black dog perched at the edge of the overlook. It was a perfect representation of the Fool with their little dog ready to leap into life. What an April Fool’s gift from the great trickster force of the Universe. Thank you Sky, thank you Earth, thank you Tarot. I hope you enjoy the video. Blessings! To explore more of my work and get information about my intuitive readings: Visit my website at stelz.biz If you sign up for my mailing list you will receive two free videos on tarot practice.

Check out my series of forecast videos for 2020 at https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list…

Eckhart Tolle Eckhart shares an important practice for this challenging time that allows us to rise above our thoughts about external circumstances and access a deeper dimension of ourselves. Subscribe to find greater dimension in life: http://bit.ly/EckhartYT Want to watch and hear more of Eckhart’s Teachings? Become a member today and join our growing community! http://bit.ly/ETmembership Interested in diving deeper into Eckhart Tolle’s work? Enjoy a FREE 10-DAY TRIAL to Eckhart Tolle Now: https://www.eckharttollenow.com/v9/join/

Weighing an idea that might once have been relegated to science fiction, Italy once again finds itself in the unfortunate vanguard of Western democracies grappling with the coronavirus.

By Jason Horowitz (NYTimes.com)

• Published April 4, 2020 Updated April 6, 2020, 9:45 a.m. ET

ROME — There is a growing sense in Italy that the worst may have passed. The weeks of locking down the country, center of the world’s deadliest coronavirus outbreak, may be starting to pay off, as officials announced this week that the numbers of new infections had plateaued.

That glimmer of hope has turned the conversation to the daunting challenge of when and how to reopen without setting off another cataclysmic wave of contagion. To do so, Italian health officials and some politicians have focused on an idea that might once have been relegated to the realm of dystopian novels and science fiction films.

Having the right antibodies to the virus in one’s blood — a potential marker of immunity — may soon determine who gets to work and who does not, who is locked down and who is free.

That debate is in some ways ahead of the science. Researchers are uncertain, if hopeful, that antibodies in fact indicate immunity. But that has not stopped politicians from grasping at the idea as they come under increasing pressure to open economies and avoid inducing a widespread economic depression.

The conservative president of the northeastern Veneto region has proposed a special “license” for Italians who possess antibodies that show they have had, and beaten, the virus. The former prime minister, Matteo Renzi, a liberal, has spoken about a “Covid Pass” for the uninfected.

Prime Minister Giuseppe Conte said that while the lockdown remained in place, the government had begun working with scientists to determine how to send people who have recuperated back to work.Italy’s Virus Shutdown Came Too Late. What Happens Now?Italy underestimated the spread of the virus at first. These maps show why the country’s nationwide lockdown came too late to contain it.April 5, 2020

With its echoes of a “Brave New World,” the debate about how to reopen arrived in earnest this past week in Italy. Like the virus’s crushing toll — 15,362 dead in Italy as of Saturday evening — the shift is ahead of countries like Spain, Britain and the United States, where the contagion is still on an upswing.

Italy was the first European country to announce a nationwide lockdown, which it began on March 9. But the rate of new infections slowed this week — on Saturday, there were about 4,800 new cases, less than in recent weeks — leading officials and emergency medical workers alike to talk with guarded optimism.

“We are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel,” said Fabio Arrighini, a supervisor of an ambulance hotline in the Lombardy town of Brescia, which has one of the highest death rates in Italy. “The calls have gone down.”

But the debate over an antibody-based work force has once again placed Italy at the unfortunate vanguard of Western democracies grappling with the virus, its uncomfortable ethical choices and inevitable aftermath. Such questions have already been raised by the wrenching decisions of doctors to treat the young, with a better chance of life, before the old and sick.

But at some stage, nearly all governments will have to strike a balance between ensuring public safety and getting their countries running again. They may also find themselves weighing what is best for society against individual rights, using biological criteria in ways that almost certainly would be rejected absent the current emergency.

“It looks like it splits humanity into two, the strong and the weak,” said Michela Marzano, a professor of moral philosophy at the Paris Descartes University. “But this is actually the case.”

From an ethical perspective, she argued, the question of using antibodies as a basis for free movement reconciles a utilitarian vision of what is best for society with respect for individual humanity by protecting “the most fragile, not marginalizing them.”

“It’s not discriminating,” she said. “It’s protecting.”

Scientists in Italy, like their counterparts in Germany, the United States, China and beyond, are already studying whether antibodies are a potential source of protection or immunity from the virus.

China has slowly reopened its economy, focusing on preventing another wave of infection arriving from overseas. In New York, Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo has envisioned a strategy in which younger people, and people who have antibodies showing they have been cured of the virus, can go back to work.‘We Take the Dead From Morning Till Night’No country has been hit harder by the coronavirus than Italy, and no province has suffered as many losses as Bergamo. Photos and voices from there evoke a portrait of despair.

The British government has floated the idea of “immunity passports,” though it is still struggling to complete even swab tests for an accurate snapshot of current infection levels, and the virus has not been present long enough in the British population to provide enough antibody data.

Italy, by dint of its early and widespread exposure to the virus, has an opportunity to gain insight into how the virus works and the biological properties that protect against it.

Next week, Veneto plans to begin collecting 100,000 blood samples from people across the region — first from thousands of health care workers and then public employees — to study in labs the antibodies of people who have the virus and those who have healed from it.Sign up to receive our daily Coronavirus Briefing, an informed guide with the latest developments and expert advice.Sign Up

Nowhere in Italy is the pursuit of the antibody strategy more intense than in Veneto. With its wealth of resources, high-profile consultants and biotech presence, it may now be uniquely positioned to influence the global conversation and provide insights for the rest of the world.

The region sits adjacent to the hard-hit Lombardy region, and one of its towns, Vo’, had Italy’s first fatality from the virus and was one of the first towns in the country to be quarantined.

Vo’ also has a relatively homogeneous genetic pool, which may facilitate research, and it has been widely tested. After the outbreak, officials there took the extraordinary step of swab-testing the entire population of 3,000, including people without symptoms.

That helped eliminate an outbreak, and now officials plan to carry out antibody testing and genome sequencing on the entire population to try to detect patterns in who was and was not susceptible to the virus.

Those results, expected in three or four months, perhaps could shed light on why some remained asymptomatic while others got sick, whether those who didn’t get infected already had antibodies and whether children had something that helped them avoid sickness.

“Italy has at the moment, of course, one of the largest pools of infected people that have recovered from the infection,” said Andrea Crisanti, the top scientific consultant on the virus in Veneto and a professor of microbiology at the University of Padua. He added that it was “a unique and valuable set of information and data.”

Dr. Crisanti emphasized the need for a carefully designed strategy to unlock Italy that would make use of contact tracing, protective gear and aggressive testing of post-virus antibodies.

“The planning ahead is one of the most important things,” Dr. Crisanti said. “Because it’s easy to lock down.” Without a proper strategy for the path ahead, “the most likely outcome is that the epidemic starts again.”

Scientists in Italy said the virus resulted in two types of antibodies, a first that usually appears within five to six days after exposure to the virus, and which fades after 20 days. As a person heals, that antibody, which indirectly shows contagion, is slowly replaced by another antibody, which indirectly shows that a person has had the virus.

When only the second antibody is detected, it means the person is probably no longer infected.

“You are most likely a healthy person that either survived the infection or you were asymptomatic and you have developed antibodies,” Dr. Crisanti said.

In Veneto, the regional president, Luca Zaia, has expressed concern about a single case of “a person who got better and got reinfected,” but he and his consultants appear confident about the potential of antibodies.

The antibodies in healed Italians could be a valuable tool in determining who could safely exit quarantine to work, Dr. Crisanti said.

He argued that the small town of Vo’ presented ideal conditions for antibody and genome testing.

“The good thing about Vo’ is that this is a community that has been in place for several hundreds of years and with probably very little mixing,” he said, giving a clearer genetic picture.

Giuliano Martini, the mayor of Vo’, said that he and the people in his town were grateful for the aggressive testing, which potentially saved hundreds of lives.

Once the central government in Rome lifted an initial quarantine on Vo’ in the beginning of March, Mr. Martini said, the comprehensive testing identified people who were infected but asymptomatic and kept them from spreading the disease.

Putting the town at the disposal of researchers looking to learn more about the virus and its antibodies is “the least we can do,” he said.

“We have to recognize this effort done for us by making ourselves available for future tests,” he said, adding that the town continued to be a gold standard in Italy for active surveillance, and that “we know the name and surname” of all the people who remain in quarantine.

For residents reluctant to take part in the new study, which he acknowledged was more intrusive as it was a blood test, he said, “We go see them in their homes and convince them.”

“There isn’t going to be any problem for this second test,” he said. “It’s an additional check on them, it can’t be anything but positive.”

But the outcomes may not be great news for individuals who, potentially under the law, will remain marginalized from society.

In Veneto, Mr. Zaia has proposed that Italians in possession of antibodies showing they no longer have the virus could obtain a “license” that allows them to move around the country and work.

Dr. Luisa Bracci Laudiero, an immunologist at the Italian National Research Council, said that the antibodies “should be protective, we all hope they are, but we don’t have the mathematical certainty.”

Because Italy was further along in cases, researchers are able to track many patients over a long period of time to determine if immunity had developed.

“We find ourselves being a bit of a laboratory,” she said.

Emma Bubola contributed reporting from Verona.‘We Take the Dead From Morning Till Night’March 27, 2020Italy, Pandemic’s New Epicenter, Has Lessons for the WorldMarch 21, 2020Italy’s Coronavirus Victims Face Death Alone, With Funerals PostponedMarch 16, 2020

Jason Horowitz is the Rome bureau chief, covering Italy, the Vatican, Greece and other parts of Southern Europe. He previously covered the 2016 presidential campaign, the Obama administration and Congress, with an emphasis on political profiles and features. @jasondhorowitz

Taking Control of Your Emotions in a Relationship

Linda Bebbington · Mar 2 · Medium.clom

First off, don’t let the force of the impression carry you away. Say to it, “Hold up a bit and let me see who you are and where you are from — let me put you to the test.” — Epictetus, Discourses, 2.18.24

We do love us a bit of Stoic guidance when we’re losing our cool. Whether we’re raging, hurt, jealous or anxious, the ancient philosophy of Stoicism teaches us to stand back, breathe and survey the emotional landscape. Once we’ve engaged our rational mind, we can then act without melting down or screaming blue murder.

In a nutshell, it teaches Emotional Intelligence.

Fast forward to the 21st century, and we have a more concise benefit to Emotional Intelligence which tells us:

Out of control emotions can make smart people stupid — Daniel Goleman, Working With Emotional Intelligence

So that being the case, it’s probably best we get up to speed about what Emotional Intelligence is, and how we can use it to have healthier relationships.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence is sometimes known as EQ (Emotional Quotient), in the same way as we refer to mental Intelligence as IQ (Intelligence Quotient).

Emotional Intelligence is the ability for people to recognise their own emotions and those of others. It also includes being able to identify feelings, label them and discern between them. From there, EQ allows us to have more control over our behaviours and decision making.

Emotionally intelligent people can:

• Understand their own emotions. They are in touch with their vulnerability and can recognise emotions in themselves and others. That means they can identify negativity such as hurt, anxiety, shame, guilt, jealousy, envy, depression and fear. They are also aware of the positive emotions and feelings of joy and pleasure.
• Know all the nuances in these emotions, so they catch them as they arise and hold off believing their mind’s interpretations.
• Make better decisions, so theyhave stronger bonds, more love, more peace and better relationships with their loved ones (and everyone else).
• Tune into the emotions of others and be empathic. They don’t take the behaviour of others personally; they’re good detectives and use logic and reason to read a situation.
• Live more in the moment, so they don’t get caught up in their internal story and act out of fear. They’re very self-aware.

So, if we’re going to start taking back some control and have happy relationships, then in the first instance, raising self-awareness seems key.

The Core of Stoic Emotional Intelligence

It’s not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters. — Epictetus

So, let’s look at a demonstration of how that pans out in a simple relationship issue.

Take the case of a married couple, John and Josie. Josie is late home after going to a bar. In the early hours of the morning, John is sitting on the sofa fretting over Josie’s whereabouts. John might be thinking, ‘She’s probably missed the bus, or she’s forgotten the time’. On the other hand, he might be thinking, ‘She’s so disrespectful, she doesn’t care about me at all’. John’s different frames of reference will produce different outcomes. If he gives Josie the benefit of the doubt, he’ll likely be concerned, but calm. When Josie returns, he’ll negotiate the relationship terms, and their bond will remain intact.

Conversely, if he’s interpreting Josie’s behaviour as a slight on him, then he’s doomed to stew in his self-inflicted hurt. If that’s the case, he’s going to start messaging her and end up one text away from Crazy Town. When Josie comes home, John will blast her with a mouthful of abuse, and she’ll think her husband’s a potty-mouthed moron.

Now these surface frames of reference are just the beginning. Often underneath the initial interpretations, are deeper disturbance beliefs that are running the show.

For example, if John believes his wife doesn’t care about him, then whether or not that’s true, he would need to consider what that means for him. The question would be, ‘What is so hurtful about my wife not caring?’. It’s this value judgement that’s either going to fuel his distress or ease his emotional turmoil.

On the one hand, John could think, ‘She doesn’t care about me, and that makes me sad. But it doesn’t mean I’m a bad person or even a bad husband’. Now John will still likely feel pain or discomfort, which is natural. On the other hand, he could think, ‘There must be something wrong with me if my wife doesn’t care about me’.

So, the ultimate disturbance is the gasoline John pours on the existing pain, and the meaning he uses to ignite suffering. Those who are emotionally intelligent understand that pain is unavoidable, but suffering is optional. Because even if your wife or husband doesn’t care about you, it’s not the end of the world as we know it; it’s just extremely sad and unfortunate. John doesn’t have to sacrifice his Stoic reason even if Josie is acting the fool. If John can keep his head on straight, he’ll acknowledge his wife’s perceived lack of care but prevent turning his relationship into a high-school drama.

Same situation. Different frames of reference. Different meaning. Different thoughts. Different emotions. Different behaviours. Different outcomes.

This isn’tpositive thinking; it’s reality thinking, and this is the key to improving our emotional Intelligence and Stoic perspective. If we’re to become more self-aware, which is the starting point of being emotionally smart, then we need tools to make it happen. Below is one way to start the process.

A powerful way to become emotionally smarter

A recent study was carried out at UCLA with spider phobics. Rather than using standard exposure therapy, they added a process called ‘Affect Labelling’, which involved some participants putting words to their feelings.

During this experiment, four groups of people who suffered from a spider phobia were asked to do different things while moving closer to a spider.

Each group were given the following distinct instructions:

Group 1 — Were told to label the feelings about the spider situation, e.g. I’m feeling terrified right now.

Group 2 — Were told to think differently about the spider so that it feels less threatening, e.g. The spider can’t hurt me.

Group 3 — Were told to distract from the anxiety about by the spider, e.g. Think about being on a lovely beach.

Group 4 — Were given no specific instruction, e.g. Just move towards the spider and see what happens.

When participants were brought back for second trials, they found that one of those groups had less physiological responses and emotional distress when re-exposed to the spider. And that was Group One; those who had labelled their emotions.

Now that’s an interesting experiment. Just the simple process of naming the fear, lessened the grip it had on the individuals using that process.

One of the authors of the experiment confirmed that…

This brain region that is involved in simply stating how we are feeling seems to mute our emotional responses, at least under certain circumstances.— Matthew Lieberman in ‘Expressing your emotions can reduce fear, UCLA psychologists report By Stuart Wolpert September 04, 2012’.

Now I suppose the question we all want to ask at this point is, how do we use this to manage our feelings and build healthier relationships?

Three labelling processes to raise your Emotional Intelligence

Below are three ways you can start to raise awareness of your emotions, thoughts and sensations. Once you are more self-aware, you remove some of the power from feelings that are unconsciously running the show.

Here goes…

1. Name your thoughts, emotions and sensations out loud.

Often when you do this, you can see how wonky some of the thinking is.

For example, in the case of John from our earlier story, instead of mulling over his thoughts, he can say aloud, ‘I’m thinking right now my wife is cheating on me, and that’s terrifying’ or ‘I’m thinking right now my wife is selfish and I’m feeling angry’.

This psychological distancing allows us to separate ourselves from the automatic thinking and creates a space where reason can intervene.

2. Observe your bodily sensations

Name the symptoms out loud, so they are in your conscious awareness.

e.g. ‘My chest is constricted’, ‘My hands are shaking’, ‘My head is throbbing’, ‘I feel a sinking sensation in my stomach’.

3. Express your feelings specifically and out loud

That might sound something like this:

‘I’m feeling hurt right now’, ‘I’m feeling angry’, ‘I’m feeling terrified of this’.

Whatever it is, name it and bring it right out into the open.

Will you give it a try?

What we are unaware of continues to control us. So, raising awareness of our thoughts and feelings in the present moment can prevent them from being subconscious and destructive. Now, the question is, do you think this ‘labelling’ process will help when your emotions are provoked?

The only way to find out is to give it a shot. The next time you experience a negative event, see if the ‘name it to tame it’ mind- hack can help you ease the stress and pain. Instead of getting carried away by fear, depression or hurt, switch instead to labelling the emotion you’re experiencing, your bodily sensations and the thoughts you’re thinking.

And as an additional benefit, if you have a phobia of spiders …you now know what to do!Stoicism — Philosophy as a Way of Life

WRITTEN BY

Linda Bebbington

I’m a cognitive-behavioural psychotherapist with 25 years’ experience, specialising in REBT, anxiety and relationships. www.lindabebbington.com