Nedhenry April 19, 2021 Medium.com

I haven’t written anything in a while and thought I’d give you an update. I had my last of 6 chemo infusions last Friday. The fatigue has gotten much worse over time they tell me due to the cumulative effects fo the chemo. They also tell me I will get my energy back as the drugs leave my system over the rest of this month and most of May. I will get a full PET CT scan on May 24th and meet the oncologist on May 26th to get the final verdict. I am feeling pretty good about the cancer mostly due to the interim scan done after the third infusion. And I have to hope my energy level returns so I can get back to some exercise and movement again. The neuropathy is still present in my left foot but PT seems to be helping albeit very slowly. So I do the PT at home as much as I can and keep trying to move those toes again. So that’s the medical update.

I know when I get into a stream of consciousness flow my mind can sometimes go to places I don’t really control. It just sort of flows out. I got into one of those deep discussions that brought me to a self diagnosis of a specific psychological issue with myself. I went too far in that discussion but I am still processing my life (and my neurosis) through this cancer time. I want to have the courage to be open about my life — all of it — good and bad — but I don’t know that that can happen at the present time. Once reason for this is what I now know is something very real and that is chemo brain fog. Besides the fatigue, I can tell that my thinking is not nearly as sharp or clear as it is normally. I think this will wear off as the drugs leave my body. It has affected memory, cognition and mental stamina. So for the last few weeks I confess I have mostly been passing time. Back to watching too much TV but also trying to get outside on the deck to enjoy the gorgeous spring weather we’ve had here in Atlanta. I do get the occasional visitor on the deck and am still getting help from neighbors and friends with shopping and small chores so I am not yet getting out in the population. Even though I have been vaccinated for Covid, they still do not know the efficacy of the vaccine for cancer patients with compromised immunity. So I am choosing to err on the side of caution until I build back more strength.

I have heard from several of you — some who I did not even know read this — with some personal and empathic messages and emails. I haven’t gotten back to all of you yet — mostly due to the constant fatigue but perhaps a touch of laziness that has crept back into my routine. Right now, as I recover, I am letting myself pretty much do what I feel like doing and eat what I feel like eating and just get through this aggressive chemo treatment and see where I am on the other side of it. My goal has been to get done with it any way I can and begin the recovery from chemo and that process began with the last treatment last Friday. So hopefully my mind with get clearer and my energy level will increase and I can come up with something interesting to write. I am still looking for the insights from cancer and I know there is gold to mine. Cancer will be with me one way or another for the rest of my life. I think I will be a cancer survivor and will end up at the cancer center for scans on a regular basis from now on. That’s the best case. I don’t want to ponder the worst case.

I know this is short but I wanted to let those of you who are following me what was going on. There is Light at the end of the tunnel and I can see it.