| By Wendy Mandy |
| Hallo everyone! People keep asking me to talk more about codependency because it has a pernicious hold on us and influences all that we feel and do. As I have said, codependency happens when we come out of our own centre for another’s perceived needs and then become ungrounded. This process starts in childhood when we perceived the need to abandon our true selves to be approved of and be given love. A codependent feels “I am OK if you are Ok.” A non-codependent says “I am OK, I can see you are not OK and I am here to keep space for you and to help you help yourself if you would like that.” A nutritionist came to see me today that eats pure food and has a very good diet, but frustratingly still has irritable bowel syndrome and a painful gut which she realised was “stress” related. This word “stress” is used a lot, but where does it come from? What I have learnt in my practice and in my own life experience is that a lot of stress comes from codependency and a resultant lack of boundaries. Often, the response to our perceived transference onto others is to keep them “happy” by coming out of our own needs. We then get lost in our suppressed emotions and lack of boundaries as we want to maintain connection at all costs. We can’t bear the lonely feeling of losing the other, so we abandon ourselves. If another is perceived as not Ok, we personalise their not OK-ness as somehow our responsibility and try to fix it with mostly with 3 Methods:We rescue them by promising things we can’t perhaps deliverWe justify our position with apology or explanation We find the atmosphere of another’s feelings overwhelming so we disassociate and stop being present to the situation All 3 methods make us feel at odds with our gut feeling (our true feeling) over that which our brain is saying we may feel. We then feel unwell and our digestion stops working and we get frustrated and stressed that our new “diets” don’t work and we still feel off-centre! In order to rid ourselves of codependency and all the stresses that it causes, we must allow others to feel not OK and keep space in a kind but detached way. We must focus on staying in our own centre and to feel our own feelings, and from this place, lasting connections can be made that don’t “stress” us out, and therefore will get better and better along with our health! Before I sign off, I wanted to invite you to an intimate event on the 03rd March in London where I will be discussing some of the topics I’m covering in these newsletters. The capacity is very limited, but if you’d like to come please click on this link for more information and to reserve your place. Love Wendy xx |
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