The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational 

once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.Here  are the  winners:

1.  CASHtration (n.): The act of buying a house,  which renders the subject financially impotent …for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus:  A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton:  Euphoria at  getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize  it was your money to start with.

4. ReinTarnation:  Coming back to  life as a hillbilly.

5. ‘BOZONE’ (n.):  The substance  surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,  shows little sign of ever breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy:  Any  misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid 

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sar-chasm:  The enormous GULF  between the author of sarcastic wit …and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte:  To take coffee intravenously when one is running  late.

10.  Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.  (This one got extra credit!)

11. ‘Karma’geddon:  It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s kinda like, a real serious bummer, huh?

12. Decafalon  (n):The  grueling event of getting through the day consuming  only things that are good for you.

13. ‘Glibido’:  All talk and no action.

14. DOPEler  Effect: The  tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they are fired at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic  Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug  (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast  out.

17. Caterpallor (n.):  The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

+++The WashingtonPost has also  published the winning submissions to its yearly  contest, in which readers are asked to supply  alternate meanings for common words.

And the  winners are:

1. Coffee, n.  The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted,  adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. 

3.  Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v.  To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj.  Impotent. 

6.  Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering  the door when wearing only a  nightgown.

7. Lymph, v.  To walk with a  lisp.  (I think this one might imply that “lymphatic” would be to dance with an obsessive lisp??)

8. Gargoyle, n.  Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n.  Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over  by a steamroller.

10. BALDERdash,  n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. TES Ticle, n.  A humorous question on an exam.

12. RECtitude, n.  The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist. 

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his  conversation with Yiddishisms. 

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof …and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of  boxer shorts worn by Jewish  men.

(Courtesy of William P. Chiles)

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