Ned Henry January 16, 2021 · nedhenry.medium.com

So I did turn that bland hummus from Allen into Chocolate hummus. It’s kind of like Nutella. Not bad on a croissant.

JV even sent me a tee-shirt which was too small for me to actually ever wear not that I really would have had the guts to out in public anyway but around with those boys (and girls) I would for sure. It’s going in the good will box JV for next little kid obsessed with potty training. LOL. Captain Underpants reminds me that I haven’t had a good shit in several days.

It’s 8:15 AM and I woke up thinking about the war in the Middle East and just wanted hear this again.

We were singing a concert for Peace in the Middle East in 1974 and this is what 2021. How many lives have been lost over a couple of small strips of land. All people have a right to be, all of us. Where you are or how much money you have or what color you are or what God you worship doesn’t matter. I did watch PBS Newshour last night. I’ll probably keep watching that show daily to stay informed. There was a story about a new Caravan forming in Honduras by people who have been devastated by hurricanes and are desparate for some kind of life with some kind of dignity. And how many millions of folks all over the world are in a similar situation experiencing hopelessness all the time. In refugee or concentration camps or in no camp at all. It just makes me think when will we ever learn. Being is the most basic human right and must start to help each other to just be, all of us everywhere always. And we must DO that and not just talk about it and just not ruminate about how wonderful it will be. Like the kids in Parkland, Like Greta Thunberg, Like Stacy Abrams, people with outrage, courage and conviction who will lead us into a the future by DOING something. This piece of music has HOPE.

Nation shall not lift up a sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more. – Isaiah 2: 4

For as the new heavens and the new earth, which I will make, shall remain before me, so shall your seed and your name remain forever’. – Isaiah 66: 18–19, 22

I also found a recording of it from the Atlanta symphony and Chorus directed by Robert Spano on Apple music. Just magnificent.

CIM Lesson 15 — My Thoughts are Images that I have Made.

!0:40 AM — So I listened to Dona Nobis Pacem twice or so and listened to O Man Beloved (the 5th movement) about 5 or 6 times. I wonder if I would have rediscovered this piece of music if not for cancer. I mean the poster has been hanging on my wall since Mom framed it and gave it to me , let’s say in 1975. I have looked at it all these years but I didn’t see it, didn’t hear it. I think this is what Gurdjieff was talking about. I think this is the essence of everything he taught. That we have to WAKE UP. I have sleeping walking my way through life and probably would still be doing that but for cancer. Cancer is forcing me to Wake Up and pay attention. My Thoughts are Images that I have Made.

Here’s the selfie of the day. Hair is going away. I’m not as hot as I once thought I was. I’m in fornt of the refrigerator and behind me is my wall of dead people. I’ll show you next. It’s where I stand when I cut vegtables and do any prep work in the kitchen that requires a cutting board and sharp knife. It’s kind of a private little corner. And I pause there now and again and have conversations with these dead

people. I was talking with Alice this morning. So much of what she gave me I wasn’t ready or able to hear when I was 24–25 years old. She talked to me about Prana. I am beginning just beginning to understand what that even means. But that’s what I mean when I say that cancer has ben a real blessing because it is forcing me to wake up. And I doubt that would have ever happened if not for this blessed

disease. Because I can be as trivial as I want here, here is my breakfast this morning. Those steel cut oats with banana, pecans, cinnamon, and a touch of maple syrup and a little milk. It was really good btw.

I’m taking an online class this weekend from The Prosperos. Not really taking the whole thing. I have some specific things I want to understand better. The Prosperos offers 2 basic tools for let’s call it spiritual growth. One is Translation which I have talked about. It uses Axioms and syllogistic logic to think through issues that our sense tell us are true. The second tool is RHS. It uses memories and emotions to do the same thing — to find out what is really true. Remember the CIM lesson today. Our thoughts many of them come from our memories and we build our own reality out of those memories that we think is the truth about how our lives are working. But they may or may not be accurate. RHS is a tool for us to explore those issues within our own mind using memory and emotion. Well I am doing a lot of remembering about my life these days and this class is being offered so I am going to sit in on it for a couple of the lessons. I have taken this class some 20 times before. From Thane and almost everyone else that ever taught it. It’s a hard one to really “get.” Our egos don’t like to be challenged and these tools — both of them Translation and RHS challenge the ego. They makes us consider whether what the ego tells us we are and what is true & what we really are, are the same. So this class starts in an hour. It’s being taught by a guy in Denver who is a long time friend and a guy in LA who is a new friend that I really don’t know very well. I honestly don’t understand how we missed each other for all these years. I floated in and out of the school all of my life — mostly out of it but somehow Rick and I just missed each other. Which is really a blessing now because we don’t have “constructs” (preconceived ideas) about who each other is. So that gives us the freedom to start with a clean slate. He is my “counselor” for that reason. Not that he is that smart or anything but he does know these tools and how to use them and can be a good coach for me as I pick them up again. So that’s what I’ll be doing this weekend. I won’t miss the Family Zoom call and I won’t miss some other visits. Pete is bringing over a meal. And there is another social zoom call with some folks from Collegium (Sue, John and some others). I might miss that one depending on the timing of the lessons I want to hear again. And I’ll keep listening to music and writing when I’m not in class.

Here’s another video that I want to hear again about the medical stuff. It’s 10 minutes long and I have 45 before I need to Zoom into the class.

Really good to hear that again. It’s 11:30 and this class starts in a half hour so I am going to sign off for now and quiet my mind for a little while. “My Thoughts are Images that I have Made.”

It’s 1:30 PM. Left the class after a few minutes of introdcution. They will text me when they do the Garden of Eden story. That’s another one of those archetypes I talked about the other day. Made a couple of calls — to Vesna and Justin, a guy I worked with at ATT who lives in Dallas. I actually don’t think Justin and I have ever met in person but we worked closely together and I consider him a good friend. When I met with the Palliative care people yesterday on zoom I remembered my time at ATT and well then remembered that Justin would want to know I had cancer. He is still in touch with Limin. The man who gave me a chance to prove myself and really saved my retirement by hiring at 62 year old without even an interview and virually no experience in project management. I never got tell him how grateful I was that he gave me a chance to prove myself. So Justin is going to tell him what’s up with me and tell him how grateful I am. Limin is kind of a hard ass — I mean he was tough boss and I was 2 layers below him so I didn’t really report to him. I got yelled at plenty by him but I also got praise and he gave me important responsibilities. He put me on the start up team for a big important project at the time. Here’s how I described it on my LinkedIn page. I never go to LinkedIn anymore but I wanted to look up the name of this project yesterday.

Lead Project Manager for the Network On Demand (Project Gamma) implementation. This project is a $500M+ development project following the Agile methodology. Network On Demand is a SDN product allowing customer ability to manage and control their switched Ethernet access services, managed Internet service, via a web based GUI. In addition the platform introduces a host of capabilities for virtual network functions (vNFs) on managed virtual customer edge (vCE) devices. It also introduces a universal CPE capable of implementing multiple vNFs in a single device. Responsibilities include managing program scope, schedule and costs as well as issue resolution and overall program success.

Thank you Limin. (Limin was also Gavin’s boss.) Justin was on Gamma and eventually Gavin too and many others. I was one of 2 LPM’s that launched the project reporting to a Program Manager who reported to Limin.

Weighed myself this morning. I’ve been doing that for some 3+ years every day and recording it on a wall calendar. I stopped in January so I’ll pick it up again. Thye asked me every time I go to Winship and I’ve just been assuming my weight was the same at the end of 2020–214. The best diet book I found that worked for me was “The Economist Diet.” It made me actually really start to pay attention to what I was putting in my mouth. So I’m 199.4 this morning. 200 was my goal that I didn’t really think I’d get to. I was 242 when I started paying attention. If I got to 190 that would be great. I don’t feel weak or anything. They just pinged me that class was starting again.

6:30 PM — So I went back, heard the Garden of Eden story which Richard told very well. I made some brief notes. Talk based on book The Ego and the Archetype by Edinger. I pulled my copy of Man and his Symbols by Jung and just started looking at the pictures later. It’s a coffee table book so it is oversized and full of pictures. I’ll keep it out and handy. Back to notes — may or may not make sense to you. — Split of Man and Woman polarizes our experience of separateness. We are separate from Spirit — re-examine. 2 voices — God and Devil — Devil scapegoat, blame for our woes. Garden of Eden is the birth of Man’s journey toward being consciuous. Devil draws attention to what we need to explore — * actualization of human consciouness. Love is forbidden. Dominion — mindfully caretaking. Then he told the story of Job. God and Satan having coffee and making a deal God says go ahead and fuck with this good man. Satan takes away everything — his wealth, his wife, his kids are killed.Misperception of universe talking to Job isn’t Job challenging God but challenging his understanding of God. Emotions reveal where we are both in synch and out of synch with truth/reality. Then I got tired and had to go lie down for a bit so I left. They’ll ping me for the Joseph story tomorrow and the wrap up. So I just got up. Didn’t really sleep but rested my eyes and got me feet warmer.

Pete brought over dinner (for days). Gonna have some next. And Sue dropped by for a quick visit. All that was really nice. Called Jack but didn’t talk to him. His weekends are always pretty busy with family obligations. Gonna go heat up dinner from Pete. and check out news if Tivo recorded any today and maybe football too. Later.

8 PM — So all the news I had recorded was GMA from this morning so I listened to 20 minutes of that while I heated up dinner and started taping the Rams game. Here’s dinner from Pete.

I’ve gotten nuts with snapping pics. Turkey with potatoes and gravy. Potatoes were scalloped with onions and stuff. Very flavorful, and the gravy was good. Turkey was a cheat but he warned me and it was still good. I added a half of an avacado with garlic salt, pepper, cumin and chipolte sprinkled on top. Good dinner. Watched the last 10 minutes of the Packers putting the Rams away. 2 Berkeley QB’s. CAL is as close as I have to having an alma mater to root for in college football. Santa Cruz WAS a satellite campus to Berkeley. My brother Dave would disagree. He actually WENT to Cal. But still, I pretend I have a college team to root for even though they never do very well. Santa Cruz has virtually no sports teams or Greek house or anything very traditional. So dinner was good. I’m taping the next game and it should be good. Ravens/Bills. I watch NFL games taped on Tivo and then I fast forward through commercials so I never watch commercials when I watch TV. An NFL commercial break is always 2 and half minutes. That 5 clicks to fast forward 30 seconds at a time. I’ve got it down to a science. So Rams are done. My team as a kid in LA with the fearsome foursome (Lamar Lundy, Rosey Grier, Merlin Olsen and Deacon Jones and Roman Gabriel as QB. Olsen and Grier had acting careers after football. OK I’m wasting time to let the game get ahead so I can skip the commercials. So I’m gonna hit the vape pen a couple of times and sit back and watch the game and take the night off. Might be back but might not.