Ned Henry January 12, 2021 · nedhenry.medium.com

Here’s an image I found on the Internet during the George Floyd protests. I think it was shot in Philadelphia and it just said so much to me.

The sign I carried during those marches — I didn’t really march due to Covid and my age even though there were several marches in my little town of Decatur. But I did stand on a street corner for a few days with a cardboard sign that read END QUALIFIED IMMUNITY. I’ll post a photo of my messy bureau with that sign later maybe. But this image I looked at for a long time and hope you do too.

CIM Lesson 11 — My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world.

It’s a Joan Baez morning.

I have just written the most intimate letter I have ever written in my life. And I feel vulnerable and open and raw and free and responsible and exposed. But I also feel loved and understood and cared for and released and safe. Very deep connection. The archetype Mary Magdalene come to my mind.

“Jungian archetypes are defined as universal, archaic symbols and images that derive from the collective unconscious, as proposed by Carl Jung. They are the psychic counterpart of instinct. It is described as a kind of innate unspecific knowledge, derived from the sum total of human history, which prefigures and directs conscious behavior.” From Wikepedia. There is tons more there if you want to go explore Archetypes.

Archetypes are very important to human beings. They are like guideposts for us to help us understand our behavior — our mistakes our triumphs. Why we do what we do and they give us clues about how we as individuals can take more responsibility for ourselves, have more choice, more conscious choice rather than just being reactionary, reacting with the same old behavior patterns. I am taking an old Prosperos class this weekend that is largely about archetypes. I won’t take the whole thing — I’ve been through it many times before and don’t need to hear the same old shit — but if there are insights to be found, I am ready to find them especially now. Cancer and all. I wrote the teachers today and told them the archtype stories I wanted to explore were The Prodigal Son and the Tower of Babel. They might just be covering the same old tired Moses story and others I don’t need to hear again. The Joseph story is central to the class. If you don’t know about archetypes, there’s a movie to go see. Pretty sure it on Netflix. Let’s me go see. The movie is Beowulf made in 2007 by Zemeckis. Well it’s not on You Tube but it’s available. When it first came out I went to the theater watched it at least 7 times or so with a buddy, Guy from the chorus. Sometimes we smoked pot first sometimes we didn’t. We saw it in 3D and not in 3D. We even saw an IMAX version of it. Now it’s a good film and a good story and it’s kind of animationish but it’s not an animated film. It’s a story from the 4th century. Archetypes are old old stories that mirror our collective unconscious back to us. We SEE ourselves in the Archetypes. It is a crucial piece of self understanding. It is why bible stories resonate so much with so many of us. We feel like we have lived them on some level. We get them on a visceral level not just an academic one.

Beowulf was that way for me which is why is went back to the movie over and over and over again. The more I watched it, the more I saw myself in it. I was literally every single character in the movie — all of them — the major ones and the minor ones. It was an incredible experience. I’m not gonna tell you what the story is — you can cheat and go google it and read a synopsis. Here I’ll post the Wikepedia page here but I hope you DON’T read it before you watch the movie.Beowulf (2007 film)Beowulf is a 2007 3D computer-animated fantasy action film directed and co-produced by Robert Zemeckis, written by Neil…en.wikipedia.org

Joannie sings on with that angel voice. Farewell Angeline is echoing in the room. I am going to see if I can get a nap. It’s been an early morn and I want to see if I can catch a few winks. No nap. bummer. So I’ll just take my shower treat that wound that won’t heal and start again later this afternoon. I’ll leave you the this for now.

My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world.

My Cancer Journey 1/12 — #2

I am losing my hair in clumps now. Here is what I lost in the shower just now. I am going to literally get to experience the Samson Archetype. I‘m gonna go read the story now. You gotta read this…I printed it so I could go sit in the other room and read it. I hope it isn’t this dramatic for me. Losing hair as a symbol of strength is one thing, but getting your eyes gouged out is quiteSamsonIn the Hebrew Bible, Samson (; Hebrew: שִׁמְשׁוֹן‎, , “man of the sun”) was the last of the judges of the ancient…en.wikipedia.org

another. I’m going to turn Leonard back on and go read this.

I have so much to do today. The flannel sheets and electric blanket came from Amazon and the lotion applicator. There is an open ZOOM with the Lymphoma Research Foundation at 3. And I am going to make shepherd’s pie for the very first time for dinner tonight. And that lady from across the street, Debbie is picking up more tapioca for me but the kind you have to cook. And I’ll make a pot of steel cut oats so I have breakfasts for a few days. Relax and breathe. It’s OK to just sit down and read the pages. My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world. Breathe.

OK — The Samson story. On the Wikipedia page I read the Biblical Narrative not the one page summary that comes up first. It’s just much much better. I will read the interpretations another time but for now I am just going to let the story sit with me. It’s a good story.

Here I am after my first real thinning of my hair. They say it will all be gone soon enough. I think I am just going to let it come out in chunks rather than shave it all off all at once. We’ll see. It might get too messy around here. The hoodie is from a Covid 70th birthday my brothers and sisters put together for me this summer. On July 23 there is a big box on the carport and I figure UPS just delivered it to the wrong address. Happen all the time. So I go look at it and it is addressed to me. So I bring it in and open it and see that there are lots of boxes and things inside of it. Terri texts me and asks if I have gotten it yet. I say yes but I haven’t really opened it. She gets some brothers and sisters and Cathy my cousin and her son John on Zoom with me while I open the box. It is full of memories of my entire life as they knew it. Books (Captain Underpants and Carlos Castaneda and Bill Bryson and a Dylan biography), an American Experience video about the pipeline, all kinds of stuff. Cathy wrote a poem with 12 separate wrapped presents. Cousin Joe added a vinyl copy of Bat Out of Hell and some Red High Top Converse tennis shoes. I haven’t worn them yet. Jack sent a new UCSC Banana slug tee shirt and this hoodie I’m wearing.

In grammar school at St. Gregory’s when each year began the nuns gave everybody a Pee Chee. It’s a folder that you carry your papers around in. You know you doodle and draw on the outside of it and just carry it everywhere cuz it’s got all your school papers in it. Well this hoodie IS the cover of the Pee Chee everyone of us carried around every year in school. Now this was some deep thought by Jack to come up with this. So several of us got on Zoom and I opened the box and talked about each item one by one. It took about an hour and a half. The working siblings could not get on. It didn’t get recorded so that the ones that were not on only heard about it second hand but it was a wonderful birthday party for me during the year when I turned 70 and couldn’t have a party because of Covid. I wanted to have a big bash for my #70. Maybe next year.

OK I’ve got to get cooking and make the bed with the new warm stuff on it. Yes Janet. It will grow back.

Tired. It’s 5 :30. Have not made bed yet. I will not get to Shepherd’s Pie tonight. Made the steel cut oats. they are soaking and will be ready for breakfast and Debbie from accross the street dropped of milk and tapioca pudding so I’ll probably make some of that later. Sat down for a minute and started to doze off but couldn’t fall asleep so I’m back here. Debbie’s husband, the minister who put in my new mailbox for me, gave his sermon last Sunday on Samson -all virtual of course. She is going to see if they can send me a link. I’d love to hear it. I’ve never gone to his church. I did post a link to it a few days ago. It might be there.

The medical conference call was sponsored by Lymphoma Research Foundation which is a really good source of information for me. The call covered the advances in treatments for lymphoma in 2020. New FDA approvals, status of clinical trials, alternative treatment options. It was very informative. It covered the entire spectrum of all lymphoma types. What I have is one of the most prevalent forms of lymphoma. Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma. Here s a 9 minute video if you’re interested.

It was really good for me to watch that video again since by now I know what some of the things are she talked about and what the status of my disease is at the moment. This is also the doctor that gave the update today on B-Cell lymphoma research progress. She is from University of Chicago. RCHOP remains the standard but a second chemo program is now approved by the FDA if RCHOP fails and that is called CART-T. CART-T may be approved this coming year as an alternative to RCHOP. But for now it only approved as the next step if RCHOP fails to cure the disease. She also updated the new clinical trials that are going on with Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma. My case is extra nodal meaning that is has spread beyond the lymph nodes (in fact there is little if any of it in my lymph nodes). It is on my skin, in my bones and in my mouth but not in my brain. My IPI index score is 3 out of 10. I am stage 4 because it is so many places in my body. I couldn’t take notes today — they were moving too fast. The first half hour of the conference was about B cell lymphoma and the second half was about T cell lymphoma. They will post the 2020 update on the website in about a week and I’ll post it here once I get it. There are a couple more 10 minute videos on this site that I will post in the next few days. I need to hear them again now that I know more about what I am fighting. You can always skip them. I have not as yet taken advantage of the resources at the Lymphoma Research Foundation. Have just been too busy with the battery of tests and the rush to get chemo started as soon as they could. From here on, it should be pretty routine. I get chemo every 3 weeks. They give me that much time to recover each time. I have to go through 6 cycles of chemo so I’ll be in chemo until April or May. Reevaluation goes on constantly. At the end of the RCHOP regimen we’ll see where we are. But as the call indicated today and my oncologist indicated on the call with her last week, there are alternative treatments is RCHOP fails. So that’s the medical update for the day. I’ll give you more once in a while.

Just got a text from Mike Hastings. The good guitar player that raises tons of money for Dana Farber Cancer center by riding his bike 200 miles on one weekend. I’m gonna go call him.Dana-Farber Cancer Institute – Cancer Treatment and Research in Boston, MADana-Farber Cancer Institute in Boston, MA, is a world leader in adult and pediatric cancer treatment and research. Our…www.dana-farber.org

Great call with Mike. I knew he would want to know. We talked a long time. He wants me to ask the folks at Winship if they are collaborating with Dana Farber. All these cancer centers colloaborate with one another. They are all working together to cure this disease. Mike wants to know if all the money he’s raised over 31 years of his riding is helping his friend Ned. I am sure it is. He’s gonna make black beans and rice sometime this month and bring it over for dinner. Tonight Allen showed up with falafels for my dinner. And he did a good job making them. He did the whole thing — falafel, pita, hummus, tzaiki. It was great. Hummus was bland but I can fix that. I think I might have some chocolate powder in the cabinet. I might try chocolate hummus. Hummus is like a blank canvas. Made some fish eyes for desert. It’s in the fridge cooling. I’ll make the shepherd’s pie tomorrow and share it with Allen. I want to watch Beowulf again. Guy, the guy that went to it so many times with me is British and shepherd’s pie is one of his go to meals after rehearsals at the local pub — Melton’s here in Decatur. An informal group goes there after choir rehearsals. So with me thinking about him and some already made mashed potatoes from Debbie, all I need to do is sauté an onion, brown some ground beef, add a few things and put it together and bake it. Instant (sort of) comfort food.

Leanard Cohen is still on. Some people find him depressing. Not me. I find his music up lifting.

My brother Jack just called told me about a Warren Zevon song. So now I’ve got that Warren Zevon album on. Apple music has everything. the dark side.

Gonna go make the bed with the new flannel sheets and electric blanket with a feet zone. I’ll have to change sheets again in week as my hair falls out. I’ll share that Warren Zevon song when I come back. It’s a Steve Winwood cover. I hope it’s as good he says it is.

Murphy showed up finally. The sheets are fine but the electric blanket came with no cord and no controller and no instructions for using the zones. You’re getting this one back Amazon. It wasn’t even folded. Just stuffed in a box — no plastic bag. Someone took an incomplete return and just sent it out again. Ok return is ready to go. John will take it to UPS tomorrow. Now finding one with zones for feet is the next chaellenge and after a quick look I know it’s gonna take a little time to find what I need. You know it’s only cold in Atlanta for about 3 months — maybe 3 1/2 but it’s right now. And it’s cold. Not Chicago cold but LA people couldn’t take it.

Here’s the Warren Zevon cover of the song. I like the Winwood version better. I’ll post that too. Pick one or none. I think I’m going back to Leonard Cohen. Jack made a bad call for once. You know my mom used to call him Jesus — “because he walked on water.”

Hope you bailed on those songs if you didn’t like them. I wasn’t wowed by either version and usually if I post something it’s because I’m wowed. Bed is made. Flannel sheets, all the blankets, took the comforter out of the duvet so it spreads out better and I have Sue’s heating pad if I need it. Amazon says fleece socks will get here tomorrow. These socks of Sue’s are getting pretty funky after 3 days but they are better than the wool ones I have. Must do laundry tomorrow.

Might try this with the hummus. Jan sent this in that birthday package. Hot malty goodness hummus. It will either be great or it will be terrible. I took one of the strong sleeping pills so it will kick in sometime soon. Have not slept well for the last couple of nights.

Power flows through my being always!

WRITTEN BYNedhenryFollowing