Hike With Neighbors Through Ravine Enjoyable Despite Not Finding Missing Child

Yesterday 7:00AM (theonion.com)

COLUMBUS, OH—Smiling while recalling the “fantastic little outing,” local woman Olivia Curtis told reporters that she enjoyed hiking with her neighbors through a densely forested ravine Tuesday despite failing to locate the missing child they were searching for. “It was so nice just to get out into nature, get some fresh air, and get to know some of the folks from our neighborhood a little better, even if we never did find that little girl,” said Curtis, who noted that the three-hour jaunt through the wooded area behind their houses had brought members of the makeshift search party closer together than any block party or backyard barbecue ever had. “While no one saw any sign of the kid, we did see a few chipmunks, not to mention some beautiful cherry trees that were in bloom and just about at their peak. Obviously, it’s horrible for anyone’s daughter to go missing like that, but at least we had great company! Plus, Doug and Barb, who were right next to Cheryl and I in the human chain, invited us over to watch the Cavs tonight, which should be a blast. And the best part is that we get to do it all over again at first light tomorrow!” While stressing that time spent with friends was priceless on its own, Curtis acknowledged that finding the child whom no one had heard from or seen in five days “sure would be the icing on the cake.”

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