Monthly Archives: May 2026

Dealing With The Approach/Avoidance Dance and Finding the Love You Need 

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 May 11, 2026 (menalive.com)

By  Jed Diamond

                Many of us have been caught up in what I call “The Approach/Avoidance Dance.”  We think we have found someone to love and things are going well. Then suddenly they begin to distance themselves. They may pick a fight or slowly drift away, but just when the relationship is starting to feel good, the other person starts moving in the other direction. But just when you try to give them space, they start coming back and acting like they want to hold you and never let you go. It can be crazy making.

                As a psychotherapist who has worked with individuals and couples for more than fifty years, this pattern is very familiar. I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Laura Dabney about her new book, I Need You… Now Go Away!: Reclaiming Your Life When Someone You Love Has a Personality Disorder. You can watch the interview here.

                 I asked Dr. Dabney questions I thought would be most helpful to my readers and those who watch my periodic podcasts:

  • When did you first decide to go to medical school and what did you hope to do when you first became a doctor?
  • What first drew you to psychiatry?
  • Tell us about your present practice and how it has evolved?
  • Please tell us about your new book. When did you first decide to write it and why?
  • What is the root cause of these difficult patterns of behavior?
  • What do people need to know to find real lasting love?

                Many people have heard of the term “Personality Disorder,” but don’t really know what they are. According to the Cleveland Clinic,

                “Personality disorders are a group of a ten mental health conditions that involve long-lasting, disruptive patterns of thinking, behavior, mood and relating to others.”

                They include:

  • Paranoid personality disorder
  • Schizoid personality disorder
  • Schizotypal personality disorder
  • Antisocial personality disorder
  • Borderline personality disorder
  • Histrionic personality disorder
  • Narcissistic personality disorder
  • Avoidant personality disorder
  • Dependent personality disorder
  • Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder

                The names are often frightening and confusing for people. Dr. Dabney has a great deal of experience helping real people in the real world. She offers guidance into this mysterious world and eliminates the fears that are often associated with these labels.

               She says that many people find themselves in the same painful relationship patterns – choosing the wrong partners, replaying the same arguments, or feeling misunderstood again and again.  These struggles are not about bad luck or flaws, but about inherited distorted intimacy patterns that have become stuck over time.

              Psychiatry sometimes calls these “personality disorders,” a term that can sound frightening or insulting.  In reality, the names simply point to long-standing ways of relating that can sabotage the very relationships we long for.  And this is true no matter which side of the problem you believe you’re on: whether you’re disrupting closeness or struggling with someone else’s disruptive behavior. The good news is that change is possible.

             With the right therapeutic guidance, people can recognize their patterns, learn healthier ways of connecting, and can finally experience the lasting intimacy they long for.

                “If you’ve noticed the same struggles repeating, know this,” says Dr. Dabney. “Change is not only possible, it’s within reach.”

                You can learn more about Dr. Dabney and her work at:  https://www.drldabney.com/

                I have a similar understanding and approach to working with people as Dr. Dabney does. Although giving people a mental illness diagnosis can be helpful. There are downsides as well. I’ve found it is much more helpful to recognize that we can help people without labelling them.

                I describe my approach in many of my popular books including, Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places and The Enlightened Marriage: The 5 Transformative Stages of Relationships and Why the Best is Still to Come. I also have courses available as well as  private counseling for individuals and couples.

                 You can learn more about me and my work at https://menalive.com/. Come visit me there.

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Best Wishes,

Jed Diamond

Founder and VHS (Visionary Healer Scholar) of MenAlive

Keeping Score | Aaron Copland and the American Sound

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San Francisco Symphony Mar 19, 2020 In the early 20th century, the sounds of America burst upon the world with jazz, blues, spirituals, folk, Latin and the sounds of Tin Pan Alley – each of them defining a different musical experience of being American. Aaron Copland listened and absorbed everything around him. Filmed on location in New York, Brooklyn, and Prague, this episode visits the places and explores the ideas that shaped Aaron Copland’s life and music. Bonus Features: Full-length concert performance of Copland’s Appalachian Spring by the San Francisco Symphony originally filmed in high-definition 16:9 widescreen and 5.1 surround sound.

Primo Levi on Auschwitz

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Primo Levi in 1940 … he was arrested in 1943 and sent to Auschwitz in 1944. Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

‘When the broken window was repaired and the stove began to spread its heat, something seemed to relax in everyone, and at that moment Towarowski (a Franco-Pole of twenty-three, with typhus) proposed to the others that each of them offer a slice of bread to us three who had been working. And so it was agreed. ’Only a day before’, says Levi, ‘this would have been inconceivable. The law of the camp said: “Eat your own bread, and if you can, that of your neighbour.” To do otherwise would have been suicidal. The offer of sharing bread “was the first human gesture that occurred among us. I believe that that moment can be dated as the beginning of the change by which we who had not died slowly changed from Haftlinge [prisoners] to men again.’

–Primo Levi from his book If This is a Man

Primo Michele Levi was a Jewish Italian chemist, partisan, Holocaust survivor and writer. He was the author of several books, collections of short stories, essays, poems and one novel. Wikipedia

Born July 31, 1919, Turin, Italy

Died April 11, 1987 (age 67 years), Turin, Italy

Joyce Cary on forgive and forget

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George C. Beresford/Getty Images

“To forgive is wisdom, to forget is genius. And easier. Because it’s true. It’s a new world every heart beat.”

~ Joyce Cary

Arthur Joyce Lunel Cary, known as Joyce Cary, was an Anglo-Irish novelist and colonial official. His most notable novels include Mister Johnson and The Horse’s Mouth. Wikipedia

Born December 7, 1888, Londonderry, Northern Ireland, United Kingdom

Died March 29, 1957 (age 68 years), Oxford, United Kingdom

The Mystery of Consciousness

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May 16, 2026 (onbeing@substack.com)

Michael Pollan’s latest book, A World Appears, is an exploration — with scientists and journalists and technologists and spiritual teachers — of what consciousness is, and is not, or might be: from the plants which have always fascinated him, to the new technologies which we are marveling at and fearing in equal measure. Do sentience, feeling, thought, or a sense of self amount to consciousness? Does it emerge from inside us? Or is it a force beyond us, in which we partake?

Before a rapt gathering in New York City, we explored where Michael has come on these questions and others. The word “mystery” kept landing the longer we spoke, and I brought some intriguing (and somewhat mysterious) conversations I’ve been having with Anthropic’s Claude briefly near the end.

I’m delighted to bring you into that room, with this episode.

–Krista Tippet

Michael Pollan in conversation with Krista Tippet on consciousness. Photo: Sarah Bidgood

Oprah on forgiveness

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Winfrey in 2016

“True forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.”

~ Oprah Winfrey

Oprah Gail Winfrey is an American media mogul, philanthropist, actress, producer, and talk show host. Born in Kosciusko, Mississippi, she faced a difficult childhood that included abuse and instability. Winfrey’s career began in Baltimore in 1976 when she hosted People Are Talking. She later became the host of her own popular Chicago morning show, The Oprah Winfrey Show, which ran nationally from 1986 to 2011.  Wikipedia.org

Born January 29, 1954 (age 72 years), Kosciusko, MS

Taiwan says it is a ‘sovereign’ nation with US ‘security commitment’ after Trump’s warning

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Asia / Pacific

Taiwan on Saturday maintained it is a “sovereign and independent” nation and that US arms sales were part of Washington’s security commitment to the island. The foreign ministry statement came a day after President Donald Trump warned Taiwan against declaring formal independence following his meeting with Chinese President Xi Jinping during a state visit to China. 

Issued on: 16/05/2026

By: FRANCE 24

File photo of Taiwan's President Lai Ching-te taken at a business conference in Taipei February 3, 2026.
File photo of Taiwan’s President Lai Ching-te taken at a business conference in Taipei February 3, 2026. © AP (File)

⁠Taiwan on Saturday said it is ​thankful for ​US President Donald Trump‘s long-standing support for ​peace ‌and stability ⁠across the Taiwan ‌Strait and asserted it was a “sovereign and independent” nation.

The statement was issued a day after Trump, following his visit to China, warned the democratic island against declaring formal independence.

Read moreTrump warns Taiwan against declaring independence from China after meeting Xi

Taiwan “is a sovereign and independent democratic nation, and is not subordinate to the People’s Republic of China”, Taiwan’s foreign ministry said in a statement.

The ministry also insisted that US arms sales were part of Washington’s security commitment to Taiwan, after Trump flagged that he was considering the issue.

“Regarding Taiwan-US arms sales, this is not only a US security commitment to Taiwan clearly stipulated in the Taiwan Relations Act, but also a form of joint deterrence against regional threats,” the ministry said.

Speaking to reporters in Taipei on ‌Saturday, Taiwan Deputy Foreign Minister Chen Ming-chi also asserted that US arms sales are confirmed under the Taiwan Relations Act.

“Taiwan-US arms sales have always been a cornerstone of regional peace ‌and stability,” he said.

In December, the Trump administration approved a record $11 billion arms sale package for Taiwan. Reuters ​has reported a second one, worth around $14 billion, still awaits Trump’s approval.

Chen declined to comment on the second package because it has yet to be made public, saying ​Taiwan will continue to communicate with and understand the situation from the US side.

Taiwan’s statements came a day after Trump wrapped up a visit to Beijing where Chinese President Xi Jinping had pressed him not to support the self-ruling island, which China claims is part of its territory. 

Taiwan vs China: Is conflict inevitable?

Is conflict inevitable? (Photo test)
Is conflict inevitable? (Photo test) © France 24

‘I want them to cool down’

Trump on Friday made it clear that he opposed a declaration of independence by Taiwan and appeared to question why the United States would defend the island in case of attack.

“I’m not looking to have somebody go independent. And, you know, we’re supposed to travel 9,500 miles to fight a war. I’m not looking for that,” he told Fox News host Brett Baier.

“I want them to cool down. I want China to cool down,” Trump said.

“We’re not looking to have wars, and if you kept it the way it is, I think China’s going to be OK with that.”

The US recognises only Beijing and does not support formal independence by Taiwan, but historically has also stopped short of explicitly saying it opposes independence.

Under US law, the US is required to provide weapons to Taiwan for its defence, but it has been ambiguous on whether US forces would come to the island’s aid.

Xi had begun the summit with a warning on Taiwan, whose President Lai Ching-te considers the island already independent, making a declaration unnecessary.

Xi had told Trump that missteps on the sensitive issue could push their two countries into “conflict”.

(FRANCE 24 with AFP and Reuters)

Keeping Score | Piotr Tchaikovsky: Symphony No. 4

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San Francisco Symphony Premiered Apr 8, 2020 The Making of a Performance, is an engrossing documentary that demystifies how a performance of a great piece of classical music is created. It is a viewer’s “behind-the-scenes” pass to witness firsthand how a performance unfolds and the preparation it takes to play this music. Along the way, MTT explores the symphony’s four movements, providing commentary on the powerful emotions embodied in the music and how it speaks to audiences today. MTT also introduces many of the personable members of the orchestra. Bonus Features: Full-length concert performance of Tchaikovsky’s Symphony No. 4 by the San Francisco Symphony originally filmed in high-definition 16:9 widescreen and 5.1 surround sound. More information about DVD and Blu-Ray discs available here: https://www.warnerclassics.com/releas…