Ned Henry January 17, 2021 · nedhenry.medium.com

It’s 5:15 AM — Couldn’t sleep. Feet too warm or too cold of just too numb. I’m waking them up making coffee. Didn’t go to bed that early. I did sleep a few hours. Just haven’t had a long night sleep since that night I took 2 sleeping pills. But they didn’t work the other night so I went back to Ambien but it’s not really working either. I think those “strong” sleeping pills are more for anxiety than sleep. Coffee’s ready. It’s hard doing this all alone. Even though I’m not, I am. In moments like this at 5 AM. That’s hard.

CIM — Lesson 16 — I have no neutral thoughts.

I’m sleepy but I’m awake. I had a lot of great thoughts lsat night while I was stoned. Great ideas. Things to say. I just let them all go. If they come back great but if not great too. I enjoyed that freedom. Yesterday’s CIM was My thoughts are images I have made. And so I tried to just let them go. Practice. It takes practice. There’s no getting around that. I read your card again Allison. ?

I know who gave me that weighted blanket by the way. And also btw, it is the best foot warmer I have. It holds the heat for a long time. and since it’s weighted it stretches my ankles a little bit when I put it on top of my feet. I sat in a chair last night with that small I guess you’d call it a foot blanket on my feet and just held my heart. Like you taught me Terri in those early days of being in shock and panic.

No music. Just silence. That weeping buddha needs me as much as I need him. We comfort each other. So it’s a reciprocal relationship. It flows both ways. we both have the power to comfort and we both have the ability to receive that comfort. Silly holding a piece of wood in my hands but it’s not. I have no neutral thoughts. I have felt lonely most of my life. We are going to talk about that one day. How I can never seem to fit in — not really fit in for some reaon or another. And it leaves me feeling lonely. Not feeling sorry for myself — but just lonely. I wish I could see those footprints in the sand on the beach where I got carried. I can’t. It’s just one foot in front of the other — my footprint — slower now, weaker now, number now, colder now, just plodding along.

Liz sent me this song.

We sang this at a recent Collegium concert. Different arrangement I think. Appropriate for an early Sunday morning.

Tuesday, January 19
Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor

I’ll put my first commercial in the blog tomorrow to remind you again. 24 hours on demand for free. One of the best operas ever written. I might put an ad in the blog for Travita too. That one’s Thursday the 21st. That’s the day I get chemo in my spine. I know these 2 operas most intimately because I have sung them both.

Bills looked good last night. I had pieces of both the Ravens and the Bills on fantasy teams this year. The guy I had on nearly every team is playing tonight. Kamara. And I do want to watch that game. NFC South. Both rivals of the Falcons. In a usually pretty tough division. I don’t care about the other game.

I wonder if you could do a Zoom Super Bowl party. You know everyone zoom in watching the game in their own homes. Might be weird, might be fun. I watched the 2016 election results on the phone with Peg. Such a sad night for us both. I have no neutral thoughts. It’s 6 AM now.

Sad. Not debilitated. Just sad. Maybe this is the genuine heart of sadness. Maybe learning compassion, or just feeling it. I never took Bodhisattva vows. I did take marriage vows once. That’s didn’t mean much in the end. So quiet sitting here with Liz’s Buddha sitting on the laptop while I type away on the bigger screen. I have to set up a second big monitor. I have them lying around all over this room. I just need to daisy chain another one to this laptop (and give the rest away) and might run into the old Apple minimization of number of ports problem but I’m sure there’s a workaround. John would know. I still need to do that research on what iPad I want. I just feel like crying. Just sad this morning. Not feeling sorry for myself sad. Just sad.

Letting thoughts come and go, remembering I have no neutral thoughts.

This isn’t mine. I just found it on the Internet searching the archetype of Tower of Babel.

“The internet is the Tower of Babel”

“I’ve been thinking about this for past couple of days. Social media was intended to bring everyone together in online communities. The internet was supposed to unleash the market of ideas as never before. I have often struggled with trying to understand the unconscious. Jung says that it is unknowable. I believe that it is best observed on online Anonymous Internet forums, the best example being 4chan.”

“The unconscious is a great source of wisdom and inspiration if tapped into but it also contains our most debased and dark urges.”

“I believe 4chan illustrates this perfectly.”

“The Tower of Babel is an archetype in the Bible that is especially relevant today. The internet, instead of bringing in a new era of reason idealized by the enlightenment divides people into idealogical camps and echo chambers. Nietzsche Declared the Death of God as the grand finality of the enlightenment and 20th century. I believe he was right in doing this. A lot of Jungs writings address this topic and try to determine what we are to do moving forward.”

“It seems God is getting the final world and the internet rather that bringing in globalization and pan nationalism will split us apart and bring a future of tribalism. I think the way we think about government and nations will change dramatically over the next century because of this.”

“The Age of Enlightenment has come to an end”

It was written 7 months ago by somebody. Just a comment on Reddit. I don’t know what 4chan is. I do agree that the Tower of Babel myth is one to look at for our times but it’s hard to find a complete story version of it. Here’s a 2 minute video.Tower of Babel | Story, Summary, Meaning, & FactsTower of Babel, in biblical literature, structure built in the land of Shinar (Babylonia) some time after the Deluge…www.britannica.com

This is from the Wikepedia page. Confusion of tongues

This article is about the origin myth. For the film, see The Confusion of Tongues.

The Confusion of Tongues by Gustave Doré, a woodcut depicting the Tower of Babel

The confusion of tongues (confusio linguarum) is the origin myth for the fragmentation of human languages described in Genesis 11:1–9, as a result of the construction of the Tower of Babel. Prior to this event, humanity was stated to speak a single language. The preceding Genesis 10:5 states that the descendants of Japheth, Gomer, and Javan dispersed “with their own tongues,” creating an apparent contradiction. Scholars have been debating or explaining this apparent contradiction for centuries.[39]

During the Middle Ages, the Hebrew language was widely considered the language used by God to address Adam in Paradise, and by Adam as lawgiver (the Adamic language) by various Jewish, Christian, and Muslim scholastics.

Dante Alighieri addresses the topic in his De vulgari eloquentia (1302–1305). He argues that the Adamic language is of divine origin and therefore unchangeable.[40] He also notes that according to Genesis, the first speech act is due to Eve, addressing the serpent, and not to Adam.[41]

In his Divine Comedy (c. 1308–1320), however, Dante changes his view to another that treats the Adamic language as the product of Adam.[40] This had the consequence that it could no longer be regarded as immutable, and hence Hebrew could not be regarded as identical with the language of Paradise. Dante concludes (Paradiso XXVI) that Hebrew is a derivative of the language of Adam. In particular, the chief Hebrew name for God in scholastic tradition, El, must be derived of a different Adamic name for God, which Dante gives as I.[40]Tower of BabelAccording to the story, a united human race in the generations following the Great Flood, speaking a single language…en.wikipedia.org

Biblical narrative

German Late Medieval (c. 1370s) depiction of the construction of the tower

1 And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech.
2 And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there.
3 And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them throughly. And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for morter.
4 And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth.
5 And the LORD came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded.
6 And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.
7 Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech.
8 So the LORD scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth: and they left off to build the city.

9 Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the LORD did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the LORD scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth.

It just feels like we are living this story right right now. Being separate. Being separated. Being isolated into camps. Not speaking the same language not literally the same language like English or Arabic or Chinese, but not speaking the same language of compassion, tolerance, caring.

And what’s going to happen? The story just ends. The people couldn’t talk to each other, lost their singular purpose of reaching God, and tore down the tower and took the bricks to build their own homes. Like looking out for just themselves rather than the common good (finding God) anymore. No more reaching for God — that was presumptuous anyway. Now it’s just me — me — me. Is that where it ends for us like the Babylonians? I refuse to believe that. But it sure looks like my senses are telling me that.

Another cup or coffee. 7 AM now. I’m going to go listen to David Slagle (my across the steet neighbor who installed my new mailbox (the best one on the block) And is a minister. His sermon last Sunday was on Samson so as my hair falls out, I wanna go hear what he had to say about Samson. More personal and immediate than the Tower of Babel but maybe not as important. It’s like the 7 Habits of Highly Effective people. The third quadrant is the one to focus on the most. And that’s where the Tower of Babel is — maybe Samson too. But it doesn’t have the emotional impact on me. I’m just losing my beauty not my strength. At least not yet. Let’s see what David had to say. What a hassle. I’m not giving them a credit card just to listen to a sermon on Vimeo. I get Marriane every day on Vimeo without a subscription. I’ll ask David if there is another way. Otherwise I’ll skip it.

It’s 7:30 AM. I’m just gonna post this.

My Cancer Journey 1/17 #2

Here’s the selfie of the day. I’ll post one every day until all the hair is gone. That’s the shirt Jack sent for my #70 BD.

It’s 5 PM and RHS class is done.

Don’t really have much to say about it. It’s another really good tool in the toolbox.

It was great to see Ronna on FaceTime for the family Zoom and Peg and Dave who came on.

Here’s a prayer I like. If I have more to say later I’ll just make a new post. Love you guys.