Why didn’t you say something? A reasonable question if you have never been in the position of being sexually harassed, abused, or raped.

Recently a male associate complained about the discriminating atmosphere men find themselves. His rhetoric went on calling the current movement of Me Too prudish and out of step with sexual freedom. The complaint continued saying men could no longer talk sexually around delicate, fragile women.

My reply is that it is indeed a prudish and puritanical atmosphere. But not one who limits men from doing and saying what they please. It is one where women of all ages are not believed, and cannot speak up without being called a liars. To this, I refer to recently ousted White House staffer Rob Porter saying his two ex-wives are lying even with photo evidence of abuse.

My first personal encounter with sexual harassment was at the age of fifteen. I sat in a history class where the professor told all the girls to move to the front of the classroom and cross our legs. He then proceeded to tell us “now that the gates of hell are closed.” I felt my face turning red and a sense of violation as my person was objectified and budding womanhood assaulted as sinful. It took me many years before I would come to understand my lack of voice and outrage.

It was at that moment I learned that attractiveness and brains were considered opposites in women. I became prim and very proper in my dress and behavior. My life became a journey for respect and safety in an environment of sexual terrorism.

Culture, mothers, teachers, and fathers all prime young girls from an early age to act and think in terms of being acceptable. Most of the signals that are received by young women are implicit and subtle. As a young woman, you are trained to fit in and become aware that you are imperiled by an atmosphere of violence that inhibits your ambitions and behaviors.

At this point of awakening in young women, be it conscious or unconscious in nature, a decision is made. Young women choose safety and acceptability over their desires. We dress to please others, act to please others and many of our personal desires and wants are put aside. The ability to protest is silenced in our throats. We push anger and fear deep inside of us refusing to acknowledge it openly. As a young woman, I quickly learned that every encounter with abuse be it sexual or physical would be met with … there must be something you are doing.

The world I want to see for girls and women is one where they can wear what they want to wear, say what they need to say, express their own feelings and desires without fear of physical safety or character assassination. As females, our desires and sexuality would have the greatest freedom of expression and fulfillment, the very opposite of puritanical and prudish.

It is no wonder it has taken so long for so many to speak up. After all, we have been taught it is sometimes easier to kiss the guy rather than to speak up and put yourself in social jeopardy. Our culture demands we spend our time making ourselves look attractive to boys. We are taught to socialize around our makeup, hair, and clothes, finding ways to please males with everything from our body styles to the angles we stand showing our best sides. As young women, we were quick to forget what we wanted, as we allowed others to dictate our behavior for what they want.

Girls are taught very early to be empathic, for seeing what others need and want. Many times we saw our mothers get what our fathers wanted without being asked. Empathy is a kind of compassion and is a good trait. We deserve the same. We need compassion from our male counterparts on this plight of wanting to speak up yet fearing the rejection, and taunts of liar by the very perpetrators of abuse and terrorism.

We are a people of many genders, each one deserving to be honored. 

We all have the right to stand, and say; this is what I want, this is what I desire, consensually, looking out for each other’s pleasures and the limitless range of creative expression.

From Sexual Fluidity by Suzanne Deakins release date Fall 2018.  This was first published by PQ Monthly in Portland, Oregon.

Suzanne Deakins, HWM. is a publisher (One Spirit Press and The Q Press) and author. Her books may be found on amazon.com. She teaches seminars on straight thinking and ontology, as well as Radical Forgiveness. She maybe reached at theqpress@gmail.com. Watch for her new blog site www.a.small.revolution2017.com will be available soon.