
Heiros Gamos, the divine marriage, is the hidden mystical doctrine of God is Eros.
Your Unique Gender will directly affect your sexuality. Attraction is no longer aroused only between male and female or even between masculine and feminine. Attraction is between Unique Genders—that is, between Unique Selves. And that opens up entirely new worlds.
Prostitution is sex without a story. The classic expression of the de-storying of intimacy is the archetypal refusal of the prostitute to kiss. The kiss is the time when all distinctions between subject and object melt. She refuses because it is too difficult to depersonalize a kiss. She has sold her body, but she is trying to protect her soul. He may enter her physical space, but he is denied entry into her story, which is her spirit.
Emily Dickinson: “A home is a holy thing / nothing of doubt and distrust / can enter its portals.”
Mary Mackey in “The Kama Sutra of Kindness: Position No. 2” says:
love comes from years
of breathing
skin to skin
tangled in each other’s dreams
until each night
weaves another thread
in the same web
of blood and sleep
Our English word fantasy derives from the Greek word phantasia, which derived from a verb that meant “to make visible, to reveal.”
The most important thing in the world, implies wisdom master Nachman of Bratslav, is to be willing to give up who you are for who you might become.
Our fear of imagination is our fear of our own greatness.
Imagination is the very essence of who we are. We generally regard ourselves as thinking animals, Homo sapiens. Descartes’ “I think, therefore I am” is hardwired into our cultural genes. The closest Hebrew word to “human,” or the latin homo, is adam. The word adam derives from the Hebrew root meaning “imagination. The stunning implication is that the human being is not primarily Home sapiens but what we will call Homo imaginus.
Man is described as being created in the divine image. “Divine image” does not mean a fixed and idolatrous copy of divinity. God has no fixed form, Instead, God is the possibility of possibility.
And man is made in that image.
Love and Eros skills are modeled by the sexual. Sex is our teacher.
There is a deeper form of sexual arousal that is provoked not by the perception of physical beauty but by the perception of love. This is somewhat more common in women than men but relatively rare in both. Imagine how the world would change if men were aroused to sex by the perception of love. The entire structure of reality and relationships—and with that, political, power and everything else—would radically change. It would be a world moved by Eros rather than pseudo Eros.
There is a wonderful pre-marriage ceremony in biblical myth called tenaim. It represents the mystical merging of the two souls that occurs even before the wedding. It is a spiritual prenuptial agreement in which we read a bill of mutual commitment where both sides commit “not to run away and not to disappear.” It seems redundant—if you do not run away, then, of course, you will not disappear! That is unless you remain physically present yet are not available. Or worse, if you cause your partner to disappear. You do everything you are supposed to do –in the kitchen, in the bedroom, and in the family room—but your partner has long since disappeared from your consciousness.
Martha Beck said in her book Expecting Adam: “Whoever said love is blind is dead wrong. Love is the only thing that lets us see each other with the remotest accuracy.”
Kabbalists say: On their wedding day, the bride and groom reveal God by revealing the Divine in each other. The bride sees something in the groom—a glimpse of his infinite specialness, his divinity—that no one has previously been privileged to witness. And the groom likewise perceives something in the infinite specialness of his bride, something that no one—not her parents, not her best friends—have been able to grasp fully. We stand moved, humbled, and quietly ecstatic as we witness the revelation of divinity, of the God who walks among us. All lovers are revealers of the Divine in each other. They are God seeing God.
And “All love is the love of God,” wrote Menahem Recanati, a Renaissance mystic. Love is to perceive another person unmasked, in the pristine beauty of his spiritual and emotion nakedness. Love is the pleasure produced by such a perception, when our loving awareness strips the beloved of all outer coatings until she stands fully revealed before the perceiving mind.
D.H. Lawrence: “What’s the good of man unless there’s a glimpse of a God in him? And what’s the good of woman unless she’s a glimpse of a Goddess of some sort?”
The goal is to achieve erotic union with Being precisely in the same way sexual love achieves erotic union with the beloved. The highest perception of loving is the realization that you are part of God.
Co-Author Marc Gafni tells a story of kids at a summer camp:
Out of nowhere, I asked them, “When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful?” Silence. “We need a first volunteer,” I said pushing them. So one brave nine-year-old gets up and, with a flutter of hesitation, says, “My mother told me on Saturday that I was the ugliest little girl she knew.” Silence. This time the quiet was worlds sadder but somehow more real. Then a little boy, looking not more than ten, raised his hand and said, “My mother was in the Holocaust. And she says that if she had known that I would be her son, she wouldn’t have worked so hard to survive.”
And then the stories came tumbling out. Of parents, so many parents, who weren’t lovers, who didn’t know how beautiful their children were. Stories of so many parents who broke the commandment to love. My heart broke.
To remind another of her full beauty, you have to be fully aware of your own. The Master of the Good Name has a wonderful teaching on the biblical mandate to “love your neighbor as you love yourself.” He points out that the mandate is actually, a statement of fact: you love your neighbor precisely as much as you love yourself.
Narcissism is to be in love with your external self, your mask. This is not a good idea because sooner or later masks fall off, and then you are left loveless. Self-love is to love your internal self, your Holy of Holies.
When someone looks at us with erotic, loving eyes, we feel energized, uplifted and embraced. We become more vibrant, audacious, and alive. We feel safer in the world. The sense of alienation, separateness, and loneliness of our empty days and painful nights seems to lift.
To love is to become God’s verb. To love is to see with God’s eyes.
Persian poet Hafiz in “The Sun Never Says:”
Even
After
All this time
The Sun never says to the earth,
“You Owe
Me.”
Look
What happens
With a love like that,
It lights the
Whole
Sky.
Paradoxically, it is in the sexual that the glimmerings of sainthood first appear. It is through the consistent commitment to the growth of the other—expressed through regular and spontaneous acts of giving—that you become a lover.
Talmudic sages: “In a place where there is nobody, try to be somebody.”
We need a politics of love! This is possible because the underlying reality of the universe is relationship and interdependence, not loneliness and alienation.
We need a gross national product not based solely in economic terms. In such a scenario, a company that was highly profitable financially but insensitive to human dignity in measurable ways would not be given the same benefits or would be taxed at a higher rate.
Because our social norms need to be changed, frustration with life as we know it is often an indication of sanity and inner balance. It means we have not succumbed to the superficial values touted by our society.
Our deepest desire is to give, to be lovers. We cannot have a delusion of grandiosity, for we are, in fact, grand.
To create a politics of love, of Eros, we don’t need to start a new political party. We just need a small group of people with a shared vision who are willing to stand together. As anthropologist Margaret Mead said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
The sexual models the erotic: Giving and Receiving are one. In sex, we transcend the world of win-win, common goals, give-and-take, and getting even. The sexual models a different order of reality, where giving and receiving are indistinguishably one.
Aphra Behn, first Englishwoman to earn her living by her writing in the mid-17th century:
I saw ’em kindle with Desire,
While with soft Sighs they blew the Fire;
Saw the Approaches of their Joy,
He growing more fierce and she less coy . . .
His panting Breast to hers now joined,
They feast on Raptures unconfined;
Vast and luxuriant! Such as prove
The Immortality of Love.
For, who but a Divinity
Could mingle Souls to that Degree;
And melt them into Ecstasy . . .
The Kabbalists viewed kissing as the highest model of Eros. Of the two modes of communication with the mouth, speech requires a subject/object relationship. Kissing bridges that difference. This is the erotic model of union.
Song of Songs: “Kiss me from the kisses of your mouth, for your love is more wonderful to me than wine.”
The sexual and erotic means giving up control.
Beat poet Allen Ginsberg:
Please master can I touch your cheek
please master can I kneel at your feet . . .
please master can I gently take down your shorts
please master can I have your thighs bare to my eyes
please master can I take off your clothes below your chair
please master can I kiss your ankles and soul . .
please master, please look into my eyes,
please master order me down on the floor.
Persian poet Hafiz in poem “Tripping Over Joy”:
What is the difference
Between your experience of Existence
And that of a saint?
The saint knows
That the spiritual path
Is a sublime chess game with God
And that the Beloved
Has just made such a Fantastic Move
That the saint is now continually
Tripping overJoy
And bursting out in Laughter
And saying, “I surrender!”’
Whereas, my dear,
I am afraid you still think
You have a thousand serious moves.
Ultimately the refusal to retreat—accept limitation and loss of control—is the source of evil. Only the human ability to step back and give up ownership and domination holds out hope for a good, kind and gentle world. This is what it means to be a lover. (Also what it means to be a Translator or an RHSer.)
Marc Gafni says: Loss of control in a relationship means that it is no longer Adam and Eve, it is Adam and Even. Adam must view Eve as even to himself, or the relationship is doomed.
Letting go of control in our prayers: According to Dr. Larry Dossey, who cites from numerous sources, the prayer that is truly effective is the one in which we ask for healing without specifying a particular outcome.
Slavery in biblical myth is the symbol of non-erotic living. A slave does not make independent decisions. His evaluation of reality, his testimony, is considered inadmissible in a court of law; most critically, he may not initiate his own marriage.
What do we call out at the moment of sexual climax? The common possibilities: the first is that we cry out “Oh, God.” The second is the name of the beloved. The third is that we call out “Yes.” At this moment of ultimate vulnerability, and thus authenticity, there is blurring of names. The name of the other and the name of God become almost interchangeable. The “Yes” is the same “Holy Yes,” which reality cries out at the moment of the original big bang that birthed reality. The “Yes” is the radical affirmation of the unrelenting goodness of life and our place in the universe. The name of God and the name of the beloved are one. Yes!
Our true birth is not our physical appearance at the end of nine months of gestation. Rather it is the person you are on the day you die. There is no greater tragedy than to die without ever having been born. To be a great artist of self, one must access the full erotic energy of the universe. Only this energy allows you to defy inertia and create the infinitely unique being that is you. The person of evolved consciousness is the one who creates her original self and transcends the overwhelmingly powerful urge to be an imitation.
The desire for sexual pleasure tells us in the most direct of terms that the cosmos evolves through delight. Reality evolves because it is pleasurable is a fair summation of the leading edges of both mysticism and contemporary science.
The very process of evolution could be fairly described as the evolution of pleasure.
Shame is when pleasure stops short of infinity.
When you live the erotic life, you realize that pleasure is the source of all ethics. The source of all meaning and ethics is pleasure.
Eros must always lead to ethics.
During loving sexual connection, we realize that the ego walls we have worked so hard to erect and protect are not real. We die to the world of separation and cry out “Oh, God” as we are ushered for a moment into the reality of union.
When we are in love, we are in love with all creation, because lovers perceive, in the bliss of their erotic experience, the essential oneness of all existence.
In Hebrew the word for “neighbor” also means, amazingly, “evil.” Love your evil: that is to say, integrate your shadow, and you will be able to avoid projecting it onto your neighbor. Only then will you be able to love your neighbor.
Unity is outrageous love consciousness—compassionate union with all beings, the highest level of enlightenment.
St. Augustine: “Love God and do what you will.”
Persian poet Hafiz in his poem “A Barroom View of Love”:
Love is grabbing hold of the Great Lions’ mane
And wrestling and rolling deep into Existence
While the Beloved gets rough
And begins to maul you alive.
Or:
True Love, my dear,
Is putting an ironclad grip upon
The soft, swollen balls
Of a Divine Rogue Elephant
And
Not having the good fortune to Die!
“Because you say ‘ow’ instead of ‘ah’–because the sensation appears as a menace instead of a friend—doesn’t mean that it’s not from the same source.”
Geoffrey Chaucer: “It is certain that envy is the worst sin that is: for all others sin against one virtue, whereas envy is against all virtue and all goodness.”