Yesterday 7:00AM (theonion.com)

NEW YORK—Calling the experience “deeply inspiring,” local nude woman Kassandra Harster told reporters Wednesday that she was pleasantly surprised to see herself represented in an art museum’s collection. “Wow—I don’t see many bodies like mine in fashion magazines, so to see myself in everything from the Renaissance statues to the surrealist paintings is very empowering,” said Harster, who paused as she strolled through the Metropolitan Museum of Art to marvel at a Greek marble sculpture that was as unclothed as she was. “This kind of representation is especially important because, as a nude woman, sometimes people treat you differently. I’m completely blown away by what I’ve seen today. Who would have thought that naked bodies were once the beauty standard?” At press time, Harster’s old insecurities had come surging back after she passed a sculpture that did not have a head.