10-Year-Old Yelling At Mom To Watch Cannonball While She’s Trying To Scope Out Younger Men At Pool

July 27, 2018 (TheOnion.com)

COSTA MESA, CA—Excitedly waving his arms from the diving board of his local pool Friday, 10-year-old Bryan Eastman reportedly yelled for his mother Emily, 36, to watch him perform a cannonball while she was attempting to feast her eyes upon a visual banquet of athletic young men nearby. “Mom, Mom, look at me! This is gonna be awesome!” screamed the fourth-grader, interrupting his mother as she peered over her sunglasses at a series of bronzed and chiseled male sunbathers, as well as several taut, V-tapered lap swimmers, one of whom had just emerged from the water and begun doing toe touches directly in her line of sight. “Up here, Mom! Watch me make a big splash!” At press time, sources confirmed Emily Eastman had rushed to her son’s side after he had slipped, hit his head, and found himself in need of first aid from the ruggedly handsome lifeguard currently on duty.

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