And you don’t want to keep playing your part in the dysfunction
Published in Mystic Minds
5 days ago (Medium.com)
Yesterday, I found myself reflecting on how much I’ve changed in these past years. It’s like looking back at an old photo and realizing you’re not the same person smiling back at the camera.
If you had told me four years ago that I’d leave the city I’ve lived in my whole life, buy a house in the countryside, and work online instead of in a normal office job, I’d have told you that you were out of your mind. Or, if you had told me my family was filled with dysfunctional patterns, and I, too, was carrying those patterns in my relationships… I’d have flat-out laughed at you.
It’s funny how life unfolds, revealing layers we never knew existed.
Like most people, I was programmed to follow a script — the conventional narrative that society deems as the “right” path. I was programmed to have a certain job, follow a certain timeline, and have a certain lifestyle. It was as if everything was already planned and defined for me, and all I had to do was play my part.
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when the shift began, but somewhere along the line, my mind opened to the idea that maybe, just maybe, there was another way to live.
Maybe, just maybe, the script I was handed was merely a suggestion, and I held the pen to write my own story.
I’m incredibly grateful for all the changes I’ve experienced. However, something I’m still learning is how to navigate the world once we realize how dysfunctional everything is.
I mean, how do we keep moving forward when the curtain has been pulled back, revealing the messy truth behind the polished performance we once thought was reality?
When you embark on the journey of inner work, peeling back the layers of your psyche, you begin to uncover a complex array of elements that have remained hidden.
Within yourself, you find the scars of past wounds, the remnants of coping mechanisms developed over time, the echoes of fears that have shaped your actions, and the insecurities that have silently influenced your choices. You begin to connect the dots between events and emotions, understanding why certain triggers evoke specific responses and recognizing the roots of your relational patterns.
Finally, everything makes sense. You understand how your past has shaped you, and why you are the way you are.
Then, as the layers of your own psyche become clearer, you begin to see those same layers in others. It’s like gaining a new set of lenses through which you view the world — lenses that reveal the intricacies and complexities that lie beneath the surface of every individual.
You observe the friend who habitually people-pleases, unable to utter the word “no”. You recognize their internal struggle, and you see how desperate they are for acceptance and validation.
You also observe the family member who reacts with anger every time you attempt to set healthy boundaries. You notice the emotional turbulence beneath the surface — suddenly, it’s clear that their inability to deal with your assertiveness stems from their inability to be honest with themselves.
As time goes by, you realize the dance of fears, wounds, and insecurities is not exclusive to your own story; it’s a universal ballet performed by every person you encounter.
This realization doesn’t stop at the personal level — it extends to societal dynamics.
The more you notice how people act together, follow the same rules, and share the same worries and fears, the more you see something’s not quite right. It’s like we’re all reading from the same script, even if it doesn’t make much sense.
As this awareness sinks in, you start questioning the so-called “normal” way of doing things.
Do I really have to live this way? Do I really have to keep friendships that drain me, or work a job that leaves me exhausted? Do I really need to drink alcohol to socialize? Do I really need to have an enmeshed relationship with my family, ignoring my well-being and personal boundaries?
Then, you go deeper.
Is there any possibility that I can choose a different path? Is there any possibility to cultivate relationships that uplift me and work in a job that aligns with my well-being? Is there any possibility to redefine my family dynamics and set healthy boundaries?
In asking these questions, a door opens to the prospect of crafting a life that is more authentic, fulfilling, and in harmony with your true self. You realize the possibility of choosing a different path isn’t just a theoretical concept… It’s a tangible, inviting reality waiting to be explored.
As you make those changes, you stop playing your part in the dysfunction. Instead, you start redefining the narrative of your life, steering it in a direction that resonates with your values and authenticity.
However, when you make a conscious choice to break the dysfunction, many people around you won’t understand the shifts you’re making. Some may even criticize you or suggest there’s something wrong with you. When that happens, here’s what I want you to know: their responses don’t speak to the validity of your choices— they’re a reflection of their own insecurities and unmet needs.
The only reason they react the way they do is because the changes you’re implementing act as a mirror, reflecting back the dysfunction they are entrenched in. The dysfunction that used to be entrenched in you too.
We all need validation. In their case, the way they receive that validation is by seeing others live in dysfunctional patterns. Your decision to veer off this path doesn’t validate them— it challenges them. It reminds them of the choices they could make but haven’t. It reminds them of the discomfort they’re not ready to confront within themselves.
So, don’t take it personally. Instead, remind yourself that your choices are about your journey, not theirs.
When we evolve, it’s tempting to believe we can inspire others, share our journey with them, and help them see the new reality in front of us.
However, more often than not, that’s not the case.
While change and growth are accessible to anyone, some people are simply not ready to embrace the unfamiliar terrain of transformation. And that’s okay. Each person has their own pace, and their own path to navigate.
The best we can do is continue our journey authentically, hoping that our evolution might spark curiosity and courage in those around us, planting seeds of change that may bloom in their own time.
Written by Patrícia Williams
·Writer for Mystic Minds
Relationships, Psychology, Mental Health and Spirituality ✧ https://linktr.ee/patriciaswilliams