“It is not my circus and it’s not my monkey”, means to mind your own business!
If you do have drama expressing in your life, your circus, then no doubt all your
comrades are your monkeys, all acting out!”
I picked up this phrase in dealing with my own co-dependence. Learning boundaries and to mind my own business, has not been an easy task. I grew up in an alcoholic family with lots of yelling. Father drank Ever Clear, 200% booze that would run your car if you needed gas. After he died we found bottles hidden in the toilet tank. He always went to the bathroom on the way to Sunday formal dinner, My mom was british and required us all to dress up. The picture perfect dysfunctional family. She had the white lace table cloth, and all the silver perfectly displayed. We were proper in her eyes now. Father would arrive joyously singing Scottish Robert Burns poetry and quite enamored with himself. He would sit down at the honorary seat the end of the table and be carving the roast and spouting his poems loudly at that!
We were a monkey in his McEwen (Scottish) circus. And, Oh brother, it was a circus!
I spent many years of collage, therapy, and release work from my role as the family mascot. The mascot is the clown of the bunch. He tries to make everyone laugh and avoid the terror that everyone felt of the alcoholic. If he got too drunk, sometimes the turkey would get picked up by dad and be thrown. That would be the end of that Sunday dinner. We would scatter and try to make everything ok, and ignore what happened! Brother such denial. The ambulance would have to come sometimes if he passed almost dead on the floor. I would inevitably be the one that rode in the ambulance with him to ER.
So, we all have our monkeys and our circus to work through. To embrace the lesson and release the anger and grief. Some of us do 12 Step as a support, and are looking for therapy that works. I learned over the years to listen. Listen on many levels. I have had hundreds of clients, and continued my learning as well. I have developed a very good process for this to be healed. I am also going through my lessons, but can be helpful with yours after a life time of lessons and release process.
Do you need help setting boundaries? Do you need practical skills in not attaching to the circus, and the monkeys roles? Are you still fearful of conflict and confronting yourself in others in the circus drama called you life? If you need help to process “stuff” and how to say NO, then please give me a call for a few sessions. It is good to have the practical tools on board with you.
Feel free to call for an appointment.
Robert McEwen, C.A.D.C. 1, H.W., M.
Certified Counselor and Mentor
For appt: Text 503-706-0396