We’ve all been tempted. Revenge is delicious.
Have you ever traveled to the top of a scenic mountain and stopped at the side of the road to buy freshly made, warm, jam donuts and coffee? It’s simply delicious, isn’t it?
That’s what revenge can feel like.
I should know. Last week I received hundreds of comments from a known troll in the UK which knocked me flat on my face. He invited lots of people to come and hate my work with him and it drowned out all the positivity.
Thoughts of revenge.
I had them. Again, they were delicious.
As a digital marketer, there’s a lot I could do to fight back. I could set up an alias and then go on an internet rampage with a metaphorical gun in my hand shooting anyone that dares leave a comment on a social media platform.
I could go behind their back and convince people to form an alliance against the resistance (I stole that from Star Wars). I could direct message them directly and rip them to shreds with every ounce of hate in my body.
I didn’t do any of that.
My mind went back to a time last year when a blogger tore me to strips and I gave them a call on the phone. We spoke for an hour. He saw that I wasn’t who he thought I was. I didn’t yell at him, accuse him of anything — all I did was listen to him. At the end of the call, we forgave each other.
It wasn’t like a scene out of Romeo and Juliet, it just felt like the right thing to do at the time.
We all have thoughts of revenge and that’s okay. The important thing I’ve learned over the last few weeks is not to act on them.
Reason with yourself that revenge will not serve you in any positive way.
Revenge is a temptation and an addiction.
Internet haters are everywhere.
Take a look at the comments section of a Youtube video. It’s like being stuck in the middle of gang wars somewhere on the streets of America. It’s a cesspool of hatred that doesn’t lead anywhere.
The reason we see so much revenge seeking on the internet is because it’s not only tempting but addictive.
When you seek revenge by tearing someone down in the comments section of a post, there’s no responsibility.
Revenge can easily be achieved with next to no responsibility or ramifications for your actions.
Other revenge seekers gather around you and make it feel like you’re doing the right thing.
What are we seeking revenge for?
No one will admit this but here’s what revenge seekers are wanting revenge for:
- Broken childhoods
- Loneliness
- Mental illness
- Lack of approval
- Multiple failures
- Money issues
We seek revenge by posting hate-filled comments on the internet instead of dealing with the reason we are seeking revenge.
When people act foolishly and selfishly, life catches up with them.
These actions turn into regrets and failure.
You don’t need to seek revenge.
You need to worry about your own challenges and focus on building people up rather than tearing down the sandcastles of your enemies.
Your critics, haters and enemies will destroy themselves by being who they are.
All you can hope is that in the process of them destroying themselves, they simultaneously find themselves causing them to quit their bad behavior.
I’ve given up seeking revenge multiple times and I’ve always found that the person I sought to deal with had in fact been dealt the lesson they needed by life.
You can kill revenge.
How? Fight it with forgiveness. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and force yourself to see with what they’re dealing with.
Through this lens, you can learn the difficult art of forgiveness. I personally suck at forgiveness, but I’m working on it.
Anything that kills revenge is worth learning.
If nothing else, think of your time.
Revenge takes time.
A simple reframe for me is “What could I be doing with my time instead of thinking about revenge?”
The answer is always a good one.
I’m celebrating more than five years of not giving in to the temptation of revenge. I still have thoughts of revenge, but now they are nothing more than empty fantasies which I wouldn’t dream of acting on.
“Let sleeping dogs lie” as my grandpa used to say. You’ve got better things to do with your time.