REASONS I SAID SORRY TODAY

By Nikki Palumbo

Illustration by Sara Lautman – February 20, 2020 – NewYorker.com

Disrupted my cat’s sleep by trying to turn off my alarm.

They hit their cat in the head while they turn off their alarm.

Bumped into the wall on my way to the bathroom.

They bump their head on the bathroom door.

Opened my shower curtain too vigorously.

They pull the shower curtain off the rod.

Didn’t feed my cat right away.

Their cat is angry with them for taking a shower and not feeding it first.

Started giving my coffee order while the barista was looking directly at me but was not listening yet.

They were trying to check out at a store but the cashier was distracted.

Didn’t have exact change.

They had a lot of thins in their hand that weren't money.

Someone hit me with his umbrella.

Someone else hit them in the head with their umbrella.

Someone sat on me on the train.

Someone sat on them on the subway.

Entered the bathroom as someone was leaving.

Someone walked directly into them with their backpack.

Made eye contact with my reflection.

A comic about saying sorry.

Left the bathroom as someone was entering.

A comic about saying sorry.

Forgot the word “hi.”

They tried to say something in a conversation.

Took twenty minutes to reply to an e-mail.

A compact maybe.

Sneezed.

They sneezed.

Refilled my water bottle in the spacious office kitchen while someone else made tea in a very separate area.

They used the last of the coffee.

The tea-maker spilled tea on my shoe.

They slipped on someone else's spilt tea.

Took twenty seconds to reply to a text.

Their phone went unanswered.

Reminded my boss that we had a meeting.

They tried to talk to someone at their desk.

Got interrupted in the meeting.

They wanted to speak in a meeting.

Couldn’t answer an e-mail right away because I was in the meeting.

The compact again

Someone knocked my phone out of my hand in the elevator.

A comic about saying sorry.

Didn’t know where a street was when an older man asked for directions.

They were at the corner of Dunno Avenue And Sorry Street.

Browsed an aisle at a store while wearing a backpack.

They were in the produce section of the grocery store.

Was early to my date.

They entered a restaurant.

Wasn’t the hostess when a family of four was looking for a table for dinner.

They were looked at by people in said restaurant.

Couldn’t split queso because I’m lactose intolerant and then ended up splitting the queso anyway.

They were sitting with their friend.

Hadn’t heard that podcast or read that book or seen any of those tweets or that movie.

Their friend asks them a question.

Didn’t know who that actor was. Or that one.

Their friend asks them more questions they don't have the answer to.

Never learned German.

Their friend continues talking at them.

Couldn’t figure out where the bathroom was.

They try to make their way through an art exhibit that looks like an obstacle course.

Didn’t want another drink.

They pay for their meal.

Forgot the word “bye.”

They leave their friend at the table.

Had to wake up my cat to get into bed.

They get in bed and disturb their sleeping cat.

Wrote this.

A comic about apologizing.

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