Illustration by Sara Lautman – February 20, 2020 – NewYorker.com
Disrupted my cat’s sleep by trying to turn off my alarm.
Bumped into the wall on my way to the bathroom.
Opened my shower curtain too vigorously.
Didn’t feed my cat right away.
Started giving my coffee order while the barista was looking directly at me but was not listening yet.
Didn’t have exact change.
Someone hit me with his umbrella.
Someone sat on me on the train.
Entered the bathroom as someone was leaving.
Made eye contact with my reflection.
Left the bathroom as someone was entering.
Forgot the word “hi.”
Took twenty minutes to reply to an e-mail.
Refilled my water bottle in the spacious office kitchen while someone else made tea in a very separate area.
The tea-maker spilled tea on my shoe.
Took twenty seconds to reply to a text.
Reminded my boss that we had a meeting.
Got interrupted in the meeting.
Couldn’t answer an e-mail right away because I was in the meeting.
Someone knocked my phone out of my hand in the elevator.
Didn’t know where a street was when an older man asked for directions.
Browsed an aisle at a store while wearing a backpack.
Was early to my date.
Wasn’t the hostess when a family of four was looking for a table for dinner.
Couldn’t split queso because I’m lactose intolerant and then ended up splitting the queso anyway.
Hadn’t heard that podcast or read that book or seen any of those tweets or that movie.
Didn’t know who that actor was. Or that one.
Never learned German.
Couldn’t figure out where the bathroom was.
Didn’t want another drink.
Forgot the word “bye.”
Had to wake up my cat to get into bed.