Codependence

By Wendy Mandy
The four addictions that the Matrix (the society we mostly find ourselves living in) has made acceptable are codependence, porn, alcoholism and workaholism.

The ones we consider most ‘normal’ are workaholism and codependence.  I will do my best to explain how we are gripped by co dependence and how it is suffocating us all in this newsletter.  The subject merits a whole book as it seems such a blind spot for so many.

We have all ‘fallen’ in love. That delicious serotonin soaked feeling of the OTHER in our life making everything feel worthwhile. I have found the ONE and now I can make a home, have a family, buy a dog, feel secure.                      

But after a few years, I don’t feel so good.

What’s happening?  Thats just normal, isn’t it?  Oh well. I am safe now, even if I don’t feel so good.  Never mind that we don’t have sex much anymore, that everything seems annoying, that I‘m always tired.  Why does that waitress excite me?  Why do I rush to work to be near that colleague?  Why am I shouting at my kids?

It’s because we are in the arena of codependency not interdependency.  We are projecting our fears and insecurities outwards.  We are not self caring or self understanding.  We are lost in the transferences of our childhoods.

Society sells a lot of goods to people to satisfy their addictions around this idealised model of the codependent couple with 2.2 kids.  We are deep in transference (see my newsletter on Transference) and upsetting each other and our children.                                                  

As I said in my newsletter on Religion, a long time ago we put God outside of us.  We are reared in an atmosphere of punishment and reward before we can understand it.  We are separated conception to three from our mothers before we are ready for that separation. Separated from ourselves, we are looking for ourselves but think it lies outside of us in the ONE.

Interdependent love is when we are the one we love and we are integrated. From this centred place we can love others especially our children in a healthy way. Love like this is not jealous, angry, disappointed, controlling or submissive.  Love like this will automatically include more than just one other person.  We will know for a society or community to thrive we need sharing and connection with many without transference.  I could write more but I hope this is food for thought.

Let me know your thoughts and what questions you would ask me for my book.  

Lots of love,
Wendy
Copyright © 2019 *Wendy Mandy, All rights reserved.

You can contact me at
wendymandyuk@gmail.com

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