September 6, 2019 (theonion.com)
SPARTANBURG, SC—Following an announcement earlier this week in which he acknowledged his own homosexuality, former conversion therapy practitioner McKrae Game apologized Friday for the harm his work has caused and offered to electrocute his past patients into being gay again. “Anyone who received electroshock therapy at my practice is welcome to come back free of charge so I can reverse the polarity settings and jolt you right back to gay,” said Game, noting that he also has plenty of vomit-inducing drugs at his disposal and is willing to administer any aversion therapy necessary to undo the decades of brainwashing conducted by Hope for Wholeness, the faith-based group he once led. “I am ashamed of my role in bringing such pain and suffering to so many people and promise to send as many volts of electricity through my former clients as necessary to make things right. My techniques have a very high success rate and are guaranteed to at least make you bi.” Game added that he has now ventured into conversion therapy for people born straight, whom he forces to watch heterosexual erotica while enduring painful shock treatments so they will all eventually turn gay.