American Museum Of Natural History Acquires Rare Third-Grader Separated From Group On Class Trip

June 12, 2019 (theonion.com)

NEW YORK—The American Museum of Natural History announced Wednesday the acquisition of Kyle, a unique specimen of a third-grade human male, who was discovered wandering the museum late Tuesday. “We are pleased to announce that we have acquired Kyle, an excellent example of a 9-year-old early-21st-century male human, who strayed away from his class a few days ago, only to enter our collection earlier this morning,” said museum director Elizabeth Hartford, noting that the 50-inch-tall child would be the centerpiece of interactive exhibits, focusing on Kyle’s lifestyle, habits, and the circumstances of how he became lost. “Curators first took an interest in Kyle when he lagged behind the other students in his group, somewhere near the T. rex exhibit. It didn’t take long to identify him due to adhesive tags bearing his name, which had been applied to his garments, but procuring a North American child is no easy feat due to the widespread use of personal communications devices and the implementation of the buddy system among students. We know from his tribal markings that he originated from P.S. 172 Beacon School of Excellence, and he has indicated to us several times that he misses the company of his parents, but other than that, surprisingly little is known about Kyle. We look forward to learning as much as we can.” Kyle is the first 9-year-old acquired by the museum since polar explorer Robert Peary donated Minik, an Inuk orphan child, to the collection in 1897.

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