By Gwyllm Llwydd

March 28, 2020

 Well, I was actually in the first real day of quarantine yesterday, as I had been caregiving up to Friday, and by 4:00 I was going Bat Shit Crazy. A slow game of scrabble, a quick walk around the loop (no one out!) a bit of coding/WP f**k-wittery, 1 Beer, 1 Stir fry, 1 Movie/Comedy, and an hour of working on a new piece of art finally got me to chill.

Learning stillness again. Heavens, I used to be able to do stillness, meditate, and all of that. It went away, well, life happened.

I slept all night long. This, has been a rarity. I get up, use the loo, lay awake, worry. Sometimes I awake at 3:30, 4:30 and lay awake. That started to go a couple of nights ago.

Surrender. I cannot stress anymore about what I cannot personally fix. I will do what I can do to help, and to alleviate, but it is all local now.

Whilst Covid Caligula/Novel Covid Nero fiddles, the system is finally tipping over.

I grew up thinking the system was monolithic having been raised in the military etc. Some of us have been struggling to change it (and this is multi-generational going back before I was born) but of course, we know (and it has been a long time coming) it isn’t. The smallest thing just dropped it to its knees.

The smallest thing…

For those of us who have worked to change the world since we were young, we are at a remarkable moment. Now, we must come together even in our isolation.

We can do this.


(old photo, buy hey!)

Mayo Clinic Doctors Go viral

By McKaila Poppen Mar 25, 2020 (

You may remember a few years ago, two doctors at Mayo Clinic went viral for singing in the hospital lobby. Elvis Francois sings and William Robinson plays the piano. They went so viral that they even got to appear on Ellen!

Well, they are going viral again. The doctors shared a beautiful rendition of John Lennon’s, “Imagine.” Take a look at the video below.


Dr. Vladimir Zelenko has now treated 699 coronavirus patients with 100% success using Hydroxychloroquine Sulfate, Zinc and Z-Pak

*Note: The Bathtub Bulletin seeks to publish encouraging or insightful reports about the Coronavirus (COVID-19) and we publish this report with the proviso that applies to all sense testimony: “Caveat emptor: Let the Buyer Beware.”
Mike Zonta, BB Editor

TechStartups Team MARCH 28, 2020 (

Last Wednesday, we published the success story from Dr. Vladimir Zelenko, a board-certified family practitioner in New York, after he successfully treated 350 coronavirus patients with 100 percent success using a cocktail of drugs: hydroxychloroquine, in combination with azithromycin (Z-Pak), an antibiotic to treat secondary infections, and zinc sulfate.  Dr. Zelenko said he saw the symptom of shortness of breath resolved within four to six hours after treatment.

Now, Dr. Zelenko provides updates on the treatment after he successfully treated 699 COVID-19 patients in New York. In an exclusive interview with former New York Mayor, Rudy Giuliani, Dr. Vladmir Zelenko shares the results of his latest study, which showed that out of his 699 patients treated, zero patients died, zero patients intubated, and four hospitalizations.

Dr. Zelenko said the whole treatment costs only $20 over a period of 5 days with 100% success. He defines success as “Not to die.” Dr. Zelenko first posted his Facebook video message last week calling on President Trump to “advise the country that they should be taking this medication.”

A study by the National Institute of Health (NIH) also confirmed some of Dr. Dr. Zelenko’s findings. The study by NIH showed that Zinc supplementation decreases the morbidity of lower respiratory tract infection in pediatric patients in the developing world. A second study also conducted by NIH titled: “In Vitro Antiviral Activity and Projection of Optimized Dosing Design of Hydroxychloroquine for the Treatment of Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome Coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2),” also showed hydroxychloroquine to be more potent in killing the virus off in vitro (in the test tube and not in the body).

Below is a video of his latest interview explaining the success of the treatment.

  • Submitted by Ben Gilberti, H.W., M.

THE VOICE: Guidance For Navigating Our Ascension to 5D

Wednesday, March 11, 2020 (


AN OPEN LETTER AND COSMIC INVITATIONTO SPIRITUAL LEADERS AND INFLUENCERSAROUND THE GLOBE(links and instructions within content of letter,so please read in its entirety)

On April 4, 2020 a tremendous Astrological Portal will open, through which humanity must UNITE AS ONE MIND, ONE CONSCIOUSNESS and by so doing take great strides in reclaiming our independence from the financial debt slave system instituted 700 years ago, dissolve the old world structures, erase the coronavirus and the fear surrounding it and end the 5G network and its deadly radiation (likely a major factor in what happened in Wuhan, China with reports now surfacing that as many as 3 million people may have died from radiation poisoning in that province).The power that we will have at our disposal on APRIL 4th is truly Astro-nomical in the most literal sense when the planets of Jupiter and Pluto come together in the sky that day! We intend to harness this powerful astrological alignment and creative a massive SHIFT for humanity in the most positive and harmonious direction possible, but this will require MASS PARTICIPATION and a joining of Hearts and Minds with singular focus and intention on a level that has not yet been reached on planet Earth!!!
With all of this global chaos swirling around us, it is imperative that we the true Bearers of Light come together in a Global Meditation on April 4th and with profound heartfelt love Unite AsOne Million Points of Light who will anchor in the energies of Peace, Harmony, Abundance, Freedom, Healing and the most positive Ascension Timeline imaginable!
No doubt most, if not all, who read this letter already believe in and promote the power of meditation as a tool for spiritual growth, healing and manifestation and that is commendable.
You are now being asked to expand that power by reaching out to all who follow your social media pages and read your books or blogs and communicate that MASS MEDITATIONS on a GLOBAL SCALE need to become a Top Priority…..beginning with the powerful Astrological Ascension Portal that will open April 4, 2020 when an unprecedented wave of light (5D gamma waves) will flood our planet. There are Legions of Light Beings that have entered our galaxy at this time to assist us in our ascension and help direct this high dimensional light our way on that momentous day.
Whatever your personal view or belief about ascension/evolution might be at this juncture, we can all agree that it is beyond time for us to advance our consciousness as a collective for the upliftment and healing of all beings on Earth. The best possible way to do this is with MASS MEDITATION! The greater the numbers the grander the results!!
We must harness our power collectively and come together in much larger numbers to meditate, more often, and especially on key strategic dates and times with a singular focus. This is the ONLY WAY we are going to evolve or ascend as a society and put an end to all this madness!
For us to be successful in this endeavor, we must set aside our perceived differences, viewpoints, opinions, judgments of others or what we may or may not like about their personalities, and especially not allow certain words or phrases to “trigger” us in a negative way and prevent us from coming together, as these types of separations and divisions are what have been holding us back as a planet for so long!
From this moment on, let us dispense with persons and personalities, names and labels, egos and personal agendas. Let us unite and focus solely on the end goal –
Following are the links and instructions to join the meditation, but we urge you to read the rest of this letter so that you can see why this Global Meditation is so important and for the proper stage to be set. We need to explain the meaning and true intention behind the words being used so no one misinterprets the information and fails to participate as a result. We need each and every one of you participating to ensure we have ONE MILLION ACTIVE MEDITATORS on April 4th!!!
Please forward this letter to everyone in your sphere of influence to quickly spread the word far and wide around the globe! This information must be dispersed quickly so groups and individuals can begin making their plans to participate.
***************************************************************************************************A Mass Meditation called “Ascension Timeline Meditation” is being organized for April 4, 2020 at exactly 10:45 pm EDT (eastern daylight time U.S.) or 2:45 am UTC for 20 minutes and we need you to help us mobilize the greatest army of meditators this world has ever seen!***************************************************************************************************
Together we will create MIRACLES by joining together as One Mind, One Heart at the precise moment of the Jupiter/Pluto conjunction which is 10:45 pm EDT on April 4th (New York, United States) or 2:45 am UTC, to anchor in these high vibrational energies and direct them using our Laser Focused Group Intention on the Liberation and Healing of humanity!
This equals 9:45 pm CDT in Chicago, 8:45 pm MDT in Denver and 7:45 pm PDT in Los Angeles. Europe and Asia will already have April 5th at the moment of the activation, which will be 3:45 am BST in London, 4:45 am CEST in Paris, 4:45 am EET in Cairo, 10:45 am CST in Taipei and Beijing, 11:45 am JST in Tokyo and 12:45 pm AEST in Sydney.

You can check the time of the meditation for your time zone here:
Time Conversion Table
So that our visualizations and intentions are cohesive, all meditators will be using the following instructions during the meditation (there is also a wealth of information on this blog concerning mankind’s true history and what is being done on a galactic level to assist humanity):ASCENSION TIMELINE MEDITATION INSTRUCTIONS


GUIDED AUDIO IN 30 LANGUAGES (scroll down below pic to see these links)


A lovely lady from Italy was kind enough to translate this page in Italian so for our Italian friends you can share this link:
Please encourage everyone in your groups to print out, write down or copy these instructions and save to a computer document ahead of time so that if they are unable to access the guided audio/video or lose internet connection they can still participate right on time as one cohesive unit.
Let’s DO THIS regardless of what time of day it falls in your time zone. It’s only 20 MINUTES that can change the entire Destiny of Our Planet!
The power for radical change and timeline shifts lies within us but it must be executed in force as a collective!!!
Here is what is currently playing out on the world scene…..
On the premise of the “threat” of the coronavirus, cities, provinces, and now entire countries are being locked down, borders are being closed, travel is being restricted or banned, schools and universities have been shut down, major events have been cancelled and tourist attractions temporarily closed and the National Guard has been deployed to an area north of Manhattan (New York) where even visits to elderly family members in nursing homes have been banned and there is talk of martial law being enforced soon in the U.S. The airline industry is already predicting it will lose $1.5 Billion this year due to global fears and travel restrictions.
These events are unprecedented, and it is time to take MASSIVE ACTION to restore order in our world and reinstate our freedom!
The good news is that the Light Forces currently assisting humanity have already initiated protocols to ease and eventually eliminate these threats but they need our help to accelerate the process.
2020 is a power packed astrological year that will lead us into the much anticipated Age of Aquarius. Astrologers worldwide have predicted 2020 will be a “defining year of the destiny of humanity”, a “tipping point” and a “major redistribution of power.”
This is largely because of the unprecedented astrological alignments including the extremely powerful Jupiter/Pluto conjunction beginning April 4th and the triple Saturn-Pluto-Jupiter conjunction to follow, which last occurred 700 years ago when the Templars created their prosperous debt-based financial and banking system which has led to the greatest enslavement of humankind and untold suffering. It is time to reverse all of that collateral damage and restore Abundance to all of our fellow humans!
The corrupt elite and dark forces never cease in furthering their dark agendas, which is evidenced by the recent global coronavirus scare / potential false flag to mask their 5G weaponry and attempt at mandating bio-chipping vaccines and the further enslavement and eradication of mankind.
We must be just as vigilant in our strategic efforts to completely counteract their unceasing attacks against humanity by spreading the word far and wide about this crucial Global Meditation on April 4th and finally break FREE from their False 3D Matrix and begin creating the 5th Dimensional World fueled by the Golden Age where Love, Freedom, Abundance, Peace and Perfect Health reign supreme!
Thoughts are packets of energy and when fueled by emotions, in this case LOVE, they have the power to manifest and create anything desired.When we meditate as a large group of thousands, hundreds of thousands or millions, we create a Laser Like Energy Beam that in mere moments can cut through and dissolve stubborn structures (like the corrupt banking and corporate systems) that have been in place for hundreds or thousands of years!!!
Yes we can actually collapse timeframes and alter the future if enough of us meditate at exactly the same moment! The power we hold collectively is unfathomable!! The minimum to reach critical mass and effect change on the planet is 144,000 meditators at a single moment in time focusing on the same outcome.
But for what we wish to accomplish, we need many more than that which is why we are aiming for at least ONE MILLION MEDITATORS ON APRIL 4th! We are counting on each of you to make this happen!!
Some of you may know that in 1987 the Harmonic Convergence occurred where the goal was to amass large groups around the globe at sacred sites including Mt. Shasta, Stonehenge and the Egyptian Pyramids for a total of 144,000 meditators. This event did have a major impact on human consciousness.
But that was more than 30 years ago. The world situation has degenerated far worse than any of us could have imagined. So much greater effort is needed now. Let’s shatter that record and come together on April 4th as ONE MILLION POINTS OF LIGHT and Quantum Leap to the BEST Timeline we can imagine for all of humanity!

The new year will officially begin on the Equinox on March 19 in accordance with the natural cycles of time and the energies will build until April 4th when the greater energetic portal opens. We express heartfelt gratitude for your willingness to join us and spread the word about this Global Meditation on April 4th far and wide. Our future depends on it!
We will keep you informed of upcoming Global Meditations that will be held on other key dates as the year progresses. You can also bookmark this website and join their mailing list for many other Mass Meditations being held including one on Spring Equinox March 19, 2020:
Let us use it to its fullest potential!!
The Voice for the Liberation and Ascension of Humanity to 5D Earth

(click this link to hear The Ancient Voice Calling)

The coronavirus isn’t alive. That’s why it’s so hard to kill.

The science behind what makes this coronavirus so sneaky, deadly and difficult to defeat

By Sarah KaplanWilliam Wan and Joel Achenbach 

March 23, 2020 at 8:36 a.m. PDT (

Viruses have spent billions of years perfecting the art of surviving without living — a frighteningly effective strategy that makes them a potent threat in today’s world.

That’s especially true of the deadly new coronavirus that has brought global society to a screeching halt. It’s little more than a packet of genetic material surrounded by a spiky protein shell one-thousandth the width of an eyelash, and it leads such a zombielike existence that it’s barely considered a living organism.

But as soon as it gets into a human airway, the virus hijacks our cells to create millions more versions of itself.

Researchers hope new visualization of SARS-CoV-2 will show them how to defeat it.

There is a certain evil genius to how this coronavirus pathogen works: It finds easy purchase in humans without them knowing. Before its first host even develops symptoms, it is already spreading its replicas everywhere, moving onto its next victim. It is powerfully deadly in some but mild enough in others to escape containment. And for now, we have no way of stopping it.

As researchers race to develop drugs and vaccines for the disease that has already sickened 350,000 and killed more than 15,000 people, and counting, this is a scientific portrait of what they are up against.

‘Between chemistry and biology’

Respiratory viruses tend to infect and replicate in two places: In the nose and throat, where they are highly contagious, or lower in the lungs, where they spread less easily but are much more deadly.

This new coronavirus, SARS-CoV-2, adeptly cuts the difference. It dwells in the upper respiratory tract, where it is easily sneezed or coughed onto its next victim. But in some patients, it can lodge itself deep within the lungs, where the disease can kill. That combination gives it the contagiousness of some colds, along with some of the lethality of its close molecular cousin SARS, which caused a 2002-2003 outbreak in Asia.

Showing how a disease spreads | How to be a journalist covering coronavirusThe most-read story in Washington Post history explains how an outbreak like coronavirus spreads and what it takes to “flatten the curve.” (The Washington Post)

Another insidious characteristic of this virus: By giving up that bit of lethality, its symptoms emerge less readily than those of SARS, which means people often pass it to others before they even know they have it.

It is, in other words, just sneaky enough to wreak worldwide havoc.

Q&A: What if I think I’m infected?

Viruses much like this one have been responsible for many of the most destructive outbreaks of the past 100 years: the flus of 1918, 1957 and 1968; and SARS, MERS and Ebola. Like the coronavirus, all these diseases are zoonotic — they jumped from an animal population into humans. And all are caused by viruses that encode their genetic material in RNA.

That’s no coincidence, scientists say. The zombielike existence of RNA viruses makes them easy to catch and hard to kill.

Outside a host, viruses are dormant. They have none of the traditional trappings of life: metabolism, motion, the ability to reproduce.

And they can last this way for quite a long time. Recent laboratory research showed that, although SARS-CoV-2 typically degrades in minutes or a few hours outside a host, some particles can remain viable — potentially infectious — on cardboard for up to 24 hours and on plastic and stainless steel for up to three days. In 2014, a virus frozen in permafrost for 30,000 years that scientists retrieved was able to infect an amoeba after being revived in the lab.

When viruses encounter a host, they use proteins on their surfaces to unlock and invade its unsuspecting cells. Then they take control of those cells’ molecular machinery to produce and assemble the materials needed for more viruses.

“It’s switching between alive and not alive,” said Gary Whittaker, a Cornell University professor of virology. He described a virus as being somewhere “between chemistry and biology.”

Among RNA viruses, coronaviruses — named for the protein spikes that adorn them like points of a crown — are unique for their size and relative sophistication. They are three times bigger than the pathogens that cause dengue, West Nile and Zika, and are capable of producing extra proteins that bolster their success.

“Let’s say dengue has a tool belt with only one hammer,” said Vineet Menachery, a virologist at the University of Texas Medical Branch. This coronavirus has three different hammers, each for a different situation.

Among those tools is a proofreading protein, which allows coronaviruses to fix some errors that happen during the replication process. They can still mutate faster than bacteria but are less likely to produce offspring so riddled with detrimental mutations that they can’t survive.

Meanwhile, the ability to change helps the germ adapt to new environments, whether it’s a camel’s gut or the airway of a human unknowingly granting it entry with an inadvertent scratch of her nose.

Scientists believe that the SARS virus originated as a bat virus that reached humans via civet cats sold in animal markets. This current virus, which can also be traced to bats, is thought to have had an intermediate host, possibly an endangered scaly anteater called a pangolin.

“I think nature has been telling us over the course of 20 years that, ‘Hey, coronaviruses that start out in bats can cause pandemics in humans, and we have to think of them as being like influenza, as long-term threats,’” said Jeffery Taubenberger, virologist with the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.

Funding for research on coronaviruses increased after the SARS outbreak, but in recent years that funding has dried up, Taubenberger said. Such viruses usually simply cause colds and were not considered as important as other viral pathogens, he said.

The search for weapons

Once inside a cell, a virus can make 10,000 copies of itself in a matter of hours. Within a few days, the infected person will carry hundreds of millions of viral particles in every teaspoon of his blood.

The onslaught triggers an intense response from the host’s immune system: Defensive chemicals are released. The body’s temperature rises, causing fever. Armies of germ-eating white blood cells swarm the infected region. Often, this response is what makes a person feel sick.

Andrew Pekosz, a virologist at Johns Hopkins University, compared viruses to particularly destructive burglars: They break into your home, eat your food, use your furniture and have 10,000 babies. “And then they leave the place trashed,” he said.

Unfortunately, humans have few defenses against these burglars.

Most antimicrobials work by interfering with the functions of the germs they target. For example, penicillin blocks a molecule used by bacteria to build their cell walls. The drug works against thousands of kinds of bacteria, but because human cells don’t use that protein, we can ingest it without being harmed.

But viruses function through us. With no cellular machinery of their own, they become intertwined with ours. Their proteins are our proteins. Their weaknesses are our weaknesses. Most drugs that might hurt them would hurt us, too.

For this reason, antiviral drugs must be extremely targeted and specific, said Stanford virologist Karla Kirkegaard. They tend to target proteins produced by the virus (using our cellular machinery) as part of its replication process. These proteins are unique to their viruses. This means the drugs that fight one disease generally don’t work across multiple ones.

And because viruses evolve so quickly, the few treatments scientists do manage to develop don’t always work for long. This is why scientists must constantly develop new drugs to treat HIV, and why patients take a “cocktail” of antivirals that viruses must mutate multiple times to resist.

“Modern medicine is constantly needing to catch up to new emerging viruses,” Kirkegaard said.

SARS-CoV-2 is particularly enigmatic. Though its behavior is different from that of its cousin SARS, there are no obvious differences in the viruses’ spiky protein “keys” that allow them to invade host cells.

Understanding these proteins could be critical to developing a vaccine, said Alessandro Sette, head of the center for infectious disease at the La Jolla Institute for Immunology. Previous research has shown that the spike proteins on SARS are what trigger the immune system’s protective response. In a paper published this month, Sette found the same is true of SARS-CoV-2.

This gives scientists reason for optimism, according to Sette. It affirms researchers’ hunch that the spike protein is a good target for vaccines. If people are inoculated with a version of that protein, it could teach their immune system to recognize the virus and allow them to respond to the invader more quickly.

“It also says the novel coronavirus is not that novel,” Sette said.

And if SARS-CoV-2 is not so different from its older cousin SARS, then the virus is probably not evolving very fast, giving scientists developing vaccines time to catch up.

In the meantime, Kirkegaard said, the best weapons we have against the coronavirus are public health measures, such as testing and social distancing, and our own immune systems.

Some virologists believe we have one other thing working in our favor: the virus itself.

For all its evil genius and efficient, lethal design, Kirkegaard said, “the virus doesn’t really want to kill us. It’s good for them, good for their population, if you’re walking around being perfectly healthy.”

Evolutionarily speaking, experts believe, the ultimate goal of viruses is to be contagious while also gentle on their hosts — less a destructive burglar and more a considerate house guest.

That’s because highly lethal viruses like SARS and Ebola tend to burn themselves out, leaving no one alive to spread them.

But a germ that’s merely annoying can perpetuate itself indefinitely. One 2014 study found that the virus causing oral herpes has been with the human lineage for 6 million years. “That’s a very successful virus,” Kirkegaard said.

Seen through this lens, the novel coronavirus that is killing thousands across the world is still early in its life. It replicates destructively, unaware that there’s a better way to survive.

But bit by bit, over time, its RNA will change. Until one day, not so far in the future, it will be just another one of the handful of common cold coronaviruses that circulate every year, giving us a cough or sniffle and nothing more.


W.B. Yeats

Link to audio:


Turning and turning in the widening gyre   
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere   
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst   
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.   
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out   
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert   
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,   
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,   
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it   
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.   
The darkness drops again; but now I know   
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,   
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,   
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Deena Metzger on Coronavirus as Next Manifestation of Environmental Crisis

By Deena Metzger | March 26, 2020 (

Deena Metzger: Elephants

[Editor’s note: By seeing this virus as another manifestation of the life-destroying
consequences of the form of life we humans have been living, Deena Metzger’s prophetic voice gives us a context to understand this latest pandemic and how it can teach humanity a vital message. We at Tikkun have been proud to have articles from Deena Metzger, whose novel A Rain of Night Birds was reviewed on our website by Cynthia Travis on October 11, 2018. In 2019 we published her amazing essay on extinction illness. Now she extends her analysis to the current pandemic. –Rabbi Michael Lerner.]

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—
because I was not a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—
and there was no one left to speak for me.

–Martin Niemöller[i]

First the animals began dying, going extinct, and we did not stop
what we were doing because we are not animals.
Then the glaciers started melting and we did not stop
what we were doing because we thought we could do without them.
Then the forests were disappearing and we did not stop
cutting down the trees
because we could not imagine being unable to breathe.
Then the virus came and there was no one to stop us
but ourselves.

There is a passageway between life and death. It partakes of the sacred. It is not of this world or of the other. It is in between the two and is of uncertain length and development, sometimes dense and sometimes luminous. The passageway is called Dying. What happens in this place is a great mystery. Everyone will walk it. There is no map but there are questions to hold and consider. The path toward healing from a life-threatening illness is the same path as preparing for a good death.

When people realize they have a life-threatening illness, they begin to re-examine their lives, considering deeply what matters and what should fall away. This deep soul journey parallels the physical process of dying itself when so much that we have fervently insisted is indispensable to us, falls away, becomes irrelevant, and what has meaning and is really essential is respected. When, if we are lucky and recover from what has threatened to devastate us entirely, we begin our lives again, we know we cannot, must not, return to how we were living before, we cannot return to the ways that were killing us and others.

I had breast cancer in 1977. I asked these questions: What is the message of this illness that comes to me in this form? What is the meaning of this illness, in particular, coming to me, in particular, at this time, in particular? What have I been unable to understand or have ignored until it comes in this life-threatening form?

I knew immediately that I had to change my life drastically, down to the cellular level. And I did. It was not easy; the process was long, difficult, disturbing and is on-going. It continues through this day. Gradually, I understood that even as I was ill and wanting to preserve my own life, I had to shift to consider the whole. I was confronted by this need from the very beginning. A colleague visited me in the hospital and asked me to forgo any thoughts I had of healing cancer myself, as, he said, even if I had the skill to do it, there were many women who would follow my example and they were not prepared. I agreed then to have a mastectomy. But, I also chose not to have chemotherapy or radiation. The tumor was small and the entire breast removed. Both decisions were my way of considering the welfare of all beings. Not a formula, but the soul searching of a forty-year old woman with two young children wrestling with how to meet life-threatening illness and not cause harm to the environment or the community.

Then something inexplicable occurred – I felt the reality of Spirit. At the moment of fearing dying, Spirit appeared. A contradiction I could not deny. Not God in the way of my tradition, not religion, but God, Spirit, as peoples have perceived the Radiant Presence over the millennia of our emergence. I was in awe. Not because I could pray for my healing, but because I understood that any act of healing for myself should be equally benevolent for all, should do no harm. I was wrapped in a story and circumstances that would allow me to be responsible to the deepest aspects of my soul and to the world – no conflict – my life, my family’s life, the community’s life, the Earth, the same. Spirit had brought me here.

In the raw and necessary dialogue a person has with life-threatening illness, it is often clear that far beneath the medical diagnosis is another deep knowing—the ultimate cause of the illness is not the rogue malignant cell or an organ failing – these are the manifestations which we think we know how to treat – but our very life style, our way of life, our lives. Then the process of looking for healing from a life-threatening illness becomes self-scrutiny. When we ask, “Given what I now understand, how then shall I live?” we know that living requires us to ruthlessly, radically change our lives.
The terrible truth is that our way of life that has tragically become global, has been killing the planet for a long time and for that length of time, despite the increase in life expectancy and the wonders of technology, it has been killing us. We didn’t know it was killing us though we knew it was killing someone in Africa, Latin America or the Middle East, somewhere away from us, maybe someone in the Inner Cities, or living on a Native reservation, but still a distance. We knew that one life form after another was going extinct. We knew we are killing the water, the air, the Earth, but we were safe we thought, our ways, our things, our technology, our systems, our money would protect us. We couldn’t conceive they would fail us. We couldn’t conceive today.

I have spent the last days in consultation with my mind and soul. I needed to understand that I have a life-threatening illness and will probably die soon. Not because I am old but because of Covid-19, what threatens all of us. We went round and round, confronting and ducking, until I knew that this is true. I am going to die. I have little time. This means I must also abandon all the reflexes, thoughts, assumptions, plans which assume a long future. How, then, shall I live?

I had to know at my core that what we are in is about to kill many of us, if not all of us, in the domino effect of all the systems going down, one after another. I had to know this about my own life so I can make decisions about what matters and what does not matter. I had to know how to relinquish everything that does not serve life and the future of life on this planet. I had to know where I am colluding with those aspects of our culture that are doing so much harm. So that I can, every day, every moment, let go of what is inessential or an illusion so I can be faithful to what is essential. So I can live a devoted life. Had I not done this; I couldn’t write this piece. I had to know this so what I write and post is true. This is the time for stringent honesty and searing truth telling. That’s how things are in the passageway of dying – there is no time for lies or for pretense, particularly to ourselves.

So hard a path. But here is the strange thing, this virus is entirely democratic. Every person on the planet is in danger of dying of it, the chances increase each day, exponentially. Not only you, but your children, your loved ones. And so we all are suffering a life-threatening disease whether or not we are infected at this moment. This mysterious tiny being, whose life and meaning we barely understand, is potentially taking down an entire species that thought itself immortal. Here we are.


Let me change the language. We are suffering a species-threatening disease.


Here is a passage from the beginning of Doris Lessing’s remarkable, prescient novel, Shikasta:

An individual may be told she, he, is to die, and will accept it. For the species will go on. Her or his children will die, and even absurdly and arbitrarily — but the species will go on. But that a whole species, or race, will cease or drastically change — no, that cannot be taken in, accepted, not without a total revolution of the deepest self.
To identify with ourselves as individuals — that is the very essence of the Degenerative Disease…. What I had to say would strike at everything we valued most, for it could be no comfort here to be told: You will survive as individuals.[ii]

The Elephants know the herd is going extinct. The Whales know. The Wolves know. The birds falling from the skies know.

Be with me, with us, now. Imagine their grief. Enter the Whales’ or the Wolves’ body/heart, and feel their exquisite and common grief knowing their pod, their pack, itself, is threatened. Forever.

Now feel the Earth’s grief, her anguish as the essential and interconnected beings who create an intricate dynamic structure through their loving alliances, fall away, like the heart falling out of the body, and Earth knowing she cannot survive when they are gone. Her anguish. Their anguish. Ours???


What does one do when one has a life-threatening illness for which there is no cure and no treatment, no medicine, no protection, no money, no resources, no help? The non-humans simply bear the terrible knowledge of doom for they are helpless to change what is occurring.

Sometimes we see individual rebellion or revenge, the Lions who ate the poachers, the Elephant who finds the opportunity to stampede the vicious animal trainer in the circus or zoo, or attacks the one who orders her about with a metal hook in her flesh, or the young bull Elephant who remembers the hunter who killed the Matriarch for her tusks and attacks him twenty years later. But as species, knowing they are helpless to change conditions, they succumb. They go extinct, even though they know their disappearance will undermine the ecosystem with dire consequences for all.

Humans have another possibility. We enter the process of deep soul inquiry. What are the underlying causes of this wretched affliction? How can we divest from what is killing us? How shall we meet these times? How shall we live?

Isn’t it strange that across the world, more and more people, millions and millions, are now confined to their homes, prohibited from leaving except to risk their lives to procure the most basic necessities? We have all been assigned to solitude, to stillness, to introspection. An entire planet on a spiritual retreat. A good portion, and increasing, of human beings, particularly those in urban centers, confined with the unique opportunity to deeply contemplate our lives. For a month? For two months? For eighteen months? For our lifetimes? An instant in the universe but long enough in human time to begin to imagine the unimaginable, what we were not able to imagine before: A different world manifested out of our heartbreak for what has brought us here and our increasing great love for life which comes when we feel it slipping away.

And it happened in a moment: slam dunk. What could not be accomplished after millennia of religious and spiritual urging. Slam dunk. Slam dunk we are in isolation and everything is coming to a halt. Slam dunk, then, we have to change. Maybe we can. Slam dunk.

A spiritual initiation of the highest order.

Initiation is Spirit’s way of breaking us down so that we might be recreated in a wisdom way. This is an astounding and awesome initiation by Spirit. It is one of the ways illness transforms us. And so again.

How will we experience this? Each of us differently. We don’t know how and won’t know for a long time. But we have the time. Eighteen months, some say. And in this liminal moment, this passage between one world and another, let dying strip us down to the heart as dying does, and begin again. It is a little like a bone marrow transplant –- the marrow is of the only culture that can survive these times, the one in which our species and the other species all thrive together, one that is committed to the life force of all beings, which, hopefully, will include us again.

Welcome to the fact and the initiation of Dying. “Queen Corona,” as someone said today, thank you.

[i] Martin Niemöller (1892–1984) was a prominent
Lutheran pastor in Germany. He emerged as an
outspoken public foe of Adolf Hitler and spent the
last seven years of Nazi rule in concentration
camps. He is perhaps best remembered for his postwar
[ii] Re: Colonised Planet 5 Shikasta, by Doris
Lessing, Alfred A Knopf, New York, 1979, P.38SHARETWEET EMAILMORE


Deena Metzger is a writer and healer living at the end of the road in Topanga, California. She is the founder and convener of ReVisioning Medicine that was initiated as a keynote for the American Holistic Medical Association in 2004. She has hosted Daré for 19 years, community gatherings on behalf of healing and vision, at her home which is considered a village sanctuary for all beings. Her books which speak to this issue include Writing For Your Life; Tree: Essays and Pieces; Intimate Nature: The Bond Between Women and Animals (edited with Linda Hogan and Brenda Peterson); and her most recent novels, La Negra y Blanca, winner of 2012 Oakland PEN Award for Literature and A Rain of Night Birds. and